[Sunny1967]

Hi yes challenged a few times. CM get their figures from HMRC unless getting paid cash their is a paper trail.  Lol my ex husband only pays because he is told too otherwise he would not bother.  Recently noticed been paying £10.00 short for nearly a year, wants me to use the money paid for their birthdays and xmas, baring in mind doesnt bother with them usually either.  He made out worked part time and one point had 3 horses with his other woman.  I think they think we are stupid.  Keep eye on expensive cars etc, can get proven in his name etc.  Plus if you are 100% certain can report for fraud.  Obviously dont say it was you.  They can investigate different bank accounts etc.  You dont need to prove it you have to give them the heads up and they will investigate xx

[Sunny1967]

Yes definitely should be entitled to more child maintenance the times he stated is with him and is not.. they will speak to HMRC for actual figures.  Him taking and waiting for them to go to clubs etc is just what they need.  Him making an effort and he certainly cant pin this on them and make them feel guilty.  I was always told they have to have their own bedroom not sure if it applies to this.  I was also told via a mediator much to ex husbands disgust that he should be the one to pick up and drop off, not you

[Sunny1967]

I would not think a joint claim is the right answer as it is not true.  There are online calculators that can tell you on your wages etc what you can get help with.  Contact your local council and universal credit for advice too.

[Sunny1967]

Hi if it helps I have raised both my children on my own eldest is 17 other is 13.  Their dad has never bothered.  As a single parent yes some hard days but with support, kindness and care and more inportantly self care you can do it.  I dont have support etc however I know I am doing right by my children.  We dont live the life of luxury nor would I want us to but we have our family unit.  Do you have childcare, government do help with funding otherwise.  If your instincts telling you to end it then it is the right decision for you.  I divorced my ex husband because he was never there in any aspect.  So this made me realise I could do it.  The fact your studying and raising a child is quite commendible.  I dont think you realise how much your capable.  Your doing it already.  Dont ever settle for an unhappy relationship for a child because children are not stupid.  You want to raise that child to know they also deserve to be happy and when they are older that they also dont have to be in the wrong relationship xx

[Sunny1967]

from a health and safety perspective and duty of care they can not legally allow you to go to work as you stated it is documented you are not well enough.  Can you go to an independent company to seek payment protection.  I know I can get if if I need it.  Also can you go to your doctor and get medical evidence to back your case.  Do not go to work if it risks your health.  Your health and your family are the most important parts.  They are holding you to ransom so to speak.  I work from home and help a lot of people who include retired under paid people.  You can take control and make chooses.  Stand strong dont let them dictate to you please.  This added stress no doubt is certainly not helping you.  Also just thought you could speak to ACAS free legal and confidential info.  0208 185 7476

[Sunny1967]

my ex husband has never bothered so for me not experienced it, however could they be grown up enough to make the effort for the child.  Even if it means they do not talk.  Or do it over 2 days 1 with you other with the ex?

[Sunny1967]

I dont personally think you need his permission.  He left, your doing what is right for your child.  He sounds like just being difficult.  Its not as if moving away etc then need his permission unless safeguarding of course.  As precaution also let the nursery know that situation and do not include him as a named contact in an emergency.  Only people you trust. xx

[Sunny1967]

oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear this.  Please dont use your energy on him, you must focus on you and your children, have you got private healthcare and a good friend to help you?  You can get put in place guardians to look after your children if the time ever came.  State in your will to that their dad does not bother.  Please look after you.  Anyone in your situation would be bloody angry but keep your focus on you and your children xx

[Sunny1967]

you can appeal their answer.  I think also can go to the doctors and get signed off and request carers allowance and is it pip or disability living allowance.  I know someone who is going through similar and she stood her ground.  Finally now listening and not making her life harder.  She is part of team and allowed to earn so much a month additionally.

[Sunny1967]

I am a single mum to 2 teens, work part time and self employed so at home too.  I make sure turn off things that are not needed to be on, having my smart meter allows me to work out what can go off.  I am lucky I get good savings with my provider and get money off my bill for going food shopping and referring people.  I also make sure I only put in the kettle water that is needed and dont leave tv on standby.  Something else do you make sure you give readings and not let them charge you on estimates? not all companies are the same thankfully.

[Sunny1967]

I think you are amazing.  I only have 2 and that is hard work.  No doubt your extremely busy but you truly are great.  I worry too and anxiety not good some days. Please make sure you do self care for you xx

[Sunny1967]

do you work? I personally work part time and have my self employed work too.  The company just wants reassurances that it will be paid.  I know with renting can ask a person to be a guarantor not sure if it works the same with buying.

[Sunny1967]

trying to understand, you had to give your child to your parents to raise as you financially can not do yourself? do you have someone who can support you, especially if you feel safe guarding is an issue xx

[Sunny1967]

I am sorry he doesnt want to take responsibility but you should feel so proud for making a stand and sticking up for yourself.  You deserve honesty.  You need make sure you have self care and a good nights sleep.  You might not feel it but your strength and the support you have is amazing.  They will get you through. You will all be far better off without him when he was not fully committed xx

[Sunny1967]

there are sites can go on and type in your info and will tell you what you eligible for, I work part time and self employed too but get universal credit as top up, until I dont need the help anymore xx

 

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