Forum Replies Created
1 February 2019 at 2:59 pm #20440
How about emotion cards? There is a beautiful little book all three of mine love and they are still very small, it’s called The Soul Bird by Michal Snunit. It’s describes the soul and how feelings work in a simplified way, great way to open up the dialogue between you both. Sometimes we do a children’s version of Angel Cards with a candle at bedtime. Xxx30 January 2019 at 12:30 pm #20280
Some really good advice, narcissistic relationships are extremely hard to disentangle from, they feed upon your weaknesses and there’s nothing like having a child in the mix to pull on all those edges. I am coming from a similar experience, only when I cut the patterns of behaviour, by cutting that person off for a while (9 months) and started to reclaim my dignity. It’s not easy, I was left with a 6 month old, a 2 & 3 yr old, I was living in a shared house with other family and family around, so I was lucky. But ultimately no one can do the work that needs doing, and your child needs you more than ever he they have been exposed to what has gone on. You need to get support to make a proper cut and get strong. I am realising I attracted that person because my mother was a similar character, the reasons are there when you are ready and strong enough to look at them. That time alone building your relationship with your child, sets a new routine that ultimately your situation was crying out for. A mediator was really good for us when I finally had to face the music and work with him again, another person in the room stops the controlling aspect. I cannot reiterate enough that you need to get strong a find a whole new language to talk to him. That language starts with how you speak to yourself, how you take care of yourself because that self esteem is the route of your new language with him. And it’s a long time working with a person that hurt you and knows all your buttons, but you get there I promise. The making of you is calling out and you can do it, even though I’m some writing on a screen, we are together, alone. Thank you for taking the courage to share your story. Sending a big hug and strength for your journey, take care of yourself x30 January 2019 at 1:00 am #20246
What a great idea for a project! So firstly I’d like to steer clear of any judgment about a person’s situation, none of us can ever be the other or know the others’ situation, but we can get to know ourselves. And boy does that happen, I can truly say I have been to the edges and met myself face to face after separating from my partner. The roles we created as parents were horrifying and damaging and in desperate need of change. But now we get to be our authentic selves, yes it’s really stressful at times, but the kids get the real us, the person, not just that name we’re called a thousand times a day. We have no choice but to get our acts together, no one left to bicker with over who’s doing what because whoever’s day it is, it will be done by 1 person. Single parents are under enormous pressures that are very disconnected from society, we run out of energy (fast), creative ideas, patience, kindness, love, the list is endless – but I figured out how to get this superpower back when I started to take care of myself. A strange thing happened called letting go, and trusting that the day will bring the things I need to get through, because I have treated myself with love and care first. So most days I would rock up to my local park, with a baby that needed feeding, a 2 year old and a 3 year old, because at least it had fencing all the way round and the others couldn’t escape while I nursed the baby. It took me a while to let go and trust that nothing would go wrong and the more I trusted and relaxed, the more approachable and helpful other people were. I found when I was open to interacting with other people’s kids, treating them with as much care as my own, other parents then did the same for me. Being a single parent has helped me to get to know myself separate from the kids. I feel privileged to get that time in the evening or sometimes in the morning before everyone is awake, I get to do whatever I like, writing, drawing, dancing, reading, sloooowly drinking coffee, and I don’t want to waste a drop of it because it is so precious. Showing the kids who I am has made me a way more dynamic parent, and I can share some of what I do with them without judgement and they get to have those connections and sharings I didn’t have.
Love, kindness, respect and patience is a two way street, give it to yourself first, so that it radiates out of you, and gives back what you need.
P.S. YOU’RE DOING GREAT!!!