[MiguelAVRibeiro]

I forgot to clarify something. I don´t want to take my son because of what I explained and also because I would put him under stress. He needs his mother also and he loves her. I don´t want you to think that he loves me more than he loves his mother – I don´t want to be unfair. I guess his behaviour, when he wants to come with me, would be the same if it was me preventing him of being with his mother. He will have time to know us and to have a real idea of who we are – he is only 4 years old. The only thing I know for sure is that I miss him (I raised him) and I don´t know anything about him since his birthday, 6th of May.

Once again, thank you very much for your patience, kindness  and time for answering me.

[MiguelAVRibeiro]

Good afternoon to all of you. Thank you very much for your answers.

I have parental responsibility, but I don’t want to take my son and run away… He had to go to the nursery and she would go there earlier and do the same. The nursery, is clearly taking her side. I call to know about my son, they say they will call me back and they never do. I never talked about my personal problems and about my ex-partner, so they don’t know my side of the story.

I went through a lot in my relationship and I just took it because I thought she would realized that she was being unfair, her treatment was unequal and abusive. She always told me that she came from abusive relationships and that’s why I never imposed myself. She always did what she wanted. I couldn’t talk about many things and it was like I wasn’t allowed to have feelings. She never apologised to me for hurting me. She would exaggerate everything from my side and see everything as offensive. It was like walking in a minefield, I never knew where I was stepping…

When she wrote to the family court and described me as a “monster” (my words) I vomited… The audacity of her of feeling abused after everything she did. The only way I see is going through court but everything is very expensive I don’t know if I can proof what happened. I left my house with zero and I walked more than 7 hours to get to my job (a care home). I started from the scratch and I was able to find (and get) a house and get a car with the objective of being with my son.

Amongst many ridiculous accusations, she accused me of monitoring her because she had, previously, access to my Gmail account. My Gmail account is linked with my phone, she had access of my whereabouts. She accused me a few times of going to pubs without her knowing. I never done that, but Google maps assumes that we visited a specific place if you stop near, for example… I never had access to her accounts, she had access to mines. I even closed my Facebook account of that time because she was only saying things like “keep talking with your lady friends…” To stop hearing this I quit Facebook. I was isolated, working with her and she would impose me my schedule.

If I would say you can’t do this to me without asking she would accuse me of threatening her. I was always feeling guilty.

She accused me of emotional abuse to my son because he was always asking me to go with me to my house and I would tell him to “ask mommy” he would ask she would say no, my son would return to me and ask me again and I would say “sorry son, mommy doesn’t let you” “That’s emotional abuse” she said. Because I’m all alone in this I recorded a video of my son wanting to come with me, she picks him up and he throws himself to the floor, crying, screaming my name, trying to reach me with his arm, while she takes him away (while he hits her)… For her this behaviour is acceptable and there’s nothing wrong, what is wrong for her it’s me repeating to my son what she told him…

I was able to spend 3 different saturdays with my son in my house, for 6 or 7 hours only. In those 3 times I sent her videos of him, to let her know that he was having s good time. The last time, on 19th of March, I had difficulties to make him go with is mother, that was waiting in her car, outside. I called her, apologised for the situation, and asked her to come upstairs and try to convince him to leave, because it was heartbreaking for me… She went upstairs, my son was crying and screaming he wanted to stay in my house, he was hitting her and it was very painful to see how stressed he was… We were able to take him downstairs into her car, they left with my son calling me and crying… After that, I called my family, as I usually do, and told them that “I think she will never let him come to my house again because I know her and she didn’t like it at all”.  I told that to my colleagues and manager also the next day and everybody told me I was wrong… Guess what, she never let him return.

Since the 1st o January of this year I lost 18Kg and I’m on medication for anxiety (I started to have panic attacks also)…

I will start therapy on the 25th of this month.

Parents that use children to hurt the other person shouldn’t be allowed to have parental responsibility or custody of those children. I know this can sound radical, but it’s only my opinion. I think also that this kind of problems should be taken more seriously by society. I’m a huge defensor of women’s because they are, usually, the ones who get abused, but when it’s a man it looks like it’s something little.

I have a diary where I write visits and things that happen, but I started it around march. I’m trying to use messages from before to remember more things. Anyway, someone can accuse me of writing it down using a narrative that I want. I’m always with doubts and feeling afraid, because she is very confident on the lies she tells, I even doubt about myself…

 

 

 

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