[😊L123😊]

Hi, I’m from SouthWales also. Separated almost2 years after 20years together. Finding it harder now than I did at the beginning. would love to connect with people in similar situations?.

[😊L123😊]

Hello,

im almost 2 years separated also after 20 years and 3 children under 13. My choice ultimately but he also agreed we were just together for the kids. It’s hard yes and the guilt I feel for my children not having that family unit is hard to bear some days. But I am a much happier person even tho I have other stresses, financial obv being the hardest but in myself I feel happy that I don’t have to pretend any more. I hope my children will understand in years to come.hes still a good dad and very much involved although can be bitter and nasty towards me a lot of the time (we still own a house together) I’m in south wales also if any one wants to chat x

[😊L123😊]

Hi, I’m in this situation too, decided to separate after 19 years, 3 children. I felt very lonely emotionally in my marriage. It’s been 18 months now and it’s not getting easier. Just different stresses, work, money and pretty much full custody of the children is hard work. I made the decision and I stand by it as I don’t miss the marriage but I miss the family life, I feel I’ve let the kids down. Pm if you need a chat, I empathise with you x

[😊L123😊]

Hey, I’m on the other side, I’m the one that ended things initially, 19 years together, 3 children, it’s still hard. We neglected our relationship for years and I felt so lonely with him. I crave mainly the family things and few I am letting my children down by doing this but I was so miserable. I am happier out of the relationship but other things impact that now like finances and depriving children of living with their dad, it’s been 18 months and I still feel sad.

[😊L123😊]

Hi goingitalone. Gosh I read your post as if it was me.,it’s been 12 months for me and I’m even sadder now than I was at the beginning, predominantly my choice to separate for reasons you state, lack of communication, just felt so unloved and something just clicked after 19 years years together that I couldn’t go on like that. I’ve have 3 beautiful children’s do I feel so sad for them more than anything that we are breaking up their family. 😢. I saw my family over Christmas but deep down wanted to be alone and feel bad for that because life’s short, should be enjoying it etc. people keep saying it will get better but I can’t see it. I feel so down and cry at the littlest things, not that my children would know I’m upset I hold it all. Just wanted you to know I empathise with the way the feel x

[😊L123😊]

Thank you, Il look into that. Exactly that though, I feel like I’m just putting on a brave face so the children can’t see exactly how I’m feeling. Mine are all under 12 so still young as well. Thanks though I will message u x

[😊L123😊]

Ah thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear your going through all this. Your right the kids come first 100% and so they should, they didn’t ask for this and this is where the guilt comes from. I forgot to mention, nothing bad happened in ours just grew apart, lack of communication, him sleeping on sofa,no affection, felt just like distant friends living together. barely spoke most days tbh. I just felt so lonely. So that makes it harder and no one has done anything unforgivable and every day I question why I am breaking up the family for that. People keep telling me they are valid reasons but I can’t shake the guilt. I too can’t afford to buy him out and I feel so much pressure as he wants his equity share. How many children do you have? Xx

[😊L123😊]

Hi,

sorey I haven’t logged on for a while, sorry to hear you are going through a tough time too, not a lot has changed here. Still as lonely as ever, have had doubts whether it’s just easier to go back but that’s not fair on both of us (he would try again he says) I miss the family unit the most and feel I’m failing my kids. They are happy tho as we are both still there for them and I haven’t seen any changes in them that I would say the split has affected them. I feel so stuck in a rut still, the house situation etc. I don’t know how to move forward

[😊L123😊]

Thank you everyone. Thing is I still care a lot for him and fee guilty about splitting up the family unit, but what’s the alternative? We stay together for the kids then when they grow up we are in the same position. He’s a lovely person, great dad but There is nothing left relationship wise. People keep saying the grass is not always greener and that annoys me as I know that! That’s not what I’m doing this for. I was miserable and snappy and dreading every day. There’s not much loss in the sense I did everything on my own emotionally in my marriage anyway, it’s just the loss of the family unit I suppose. It’s just hard dealing with all these feelings. Knowing I am happier but obv really sad at the loss at the same time 😢

[😊L123😊]

Ah thank you so much Futurehappiness. That’s means a lot. I can relate to everything in your post completely, when I’m busy it’s ok but so stressed about the future yes, coat of living and being alone. My children are my priority of course and will always come first and luckily he’s a great dad. It’s just so sad. I hope your doing ok. Xx

[😊L123😊]

Same situation. I stayed a lot longer than I should’ve for my children, however it was when my 12 year old started asking about relationships and I was trying to teach him what a healthy one looked like (all the while him seeing me and his dad never communicate, sleep in separate beds, no emotional support) decision was mutual he left 6 months ago, it’s so hard, main thing being financial but I’m a lot happier. Most days I cry because I didn’t want this for my kids but I’m hoping to find happiness eventually.

[😊L123😊]

I’m in the same situation,split 6months ago, im in the house with the 3 children.joint ownership, but I’m barely affording to live. I work 20 hours,can’t do anymore because of school runs so I feel so trapped. My ex won’t give the key back, (he’s entitled not to) but I just feel uncomfortable every time he comes in. I hate living like this, if I sold I wouldn’t be able to afford anything in my local area to buy and with 3 dependents it makes the mortgage harder to get. Please say it gets easier 😩

[😊L123😊]

Thanks Andrew, I just had a little nose at the stepchange website. That looks helpful when I get chance. Luckily I’m not behind with any payments at the moment and obv will prioritise what’s most important, just hard when it all seemed so easy before. But I was miserable then too so what’s the alternative.

[😊L123😊]

Yeh that’s the hard part 🤣. And I feel a lot of guilt for breaking up the family even though it was a mutual split. Nothing happened just grew apart. The kids are happy though and that’s the priority it’s just so hard putting on a brave happy face for them. Hope ur ok x

[😊L123😊]

Thank you 😊. No not really I need to sit down and look at it properly.  So hard when you have never had to do it on your own x

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