Posted 8 February 2021
I had two options: to use the little energy I had to be bitter and seek revenge or to focus on our future, rebuild my life and be happy again. I chose the latter. To...
Posted 1 February 2018
When she became a single parent at 24, Aileen was faced with a tough decision – take any job to get by, or study and strive to achieve her dream? Read about Aileen’s journey as a single mum of 2 in adult education.
It’s only when I listen to stories from single friends with no responsibilities, two parent families or my friend who has just become a single parent to older teenagers that I realise how much me and my children have been through over the last 11 years. When I became a single parent at 24, to a 2-year-old and my unborn daughter, the first thing I had to do was quit my job. I had worked evening shifts and 1 night shift a week at a nursing home, there was no local childcare that would cover those kinds of hours. My first visit to the job centre left me in tears as I was quizzed about my partner leaving, I was treated like a criminal and as if I was stupid. I felt stupid and worthless for many many years and I wish I could go back to tell my past self that all would be ok.
I stayed at home with my children until my daughter received childcare vouchers and could attend playgroup part-time. I enrolled at the local college to do a Diploma in Access to Education. It was incredibly hard to be away from my daughter, I felt guilty all the time and tried to fit as much study into time between lessons so that I could have quality time with my children in the evening. I couldn’t get involved with any of the social activities that fellow students were doing, which was hard to deal with. I almost dropped out because of finances after my car broke down and eventually had to get financial help with travel costs, so I could continue to attend.
As work started to be marked and I gained distinctions, sometimes with the best marks in our group, my confidence and self esteem raised. The most important thing to me was being a great mum, but no one rewards you for that, especially not if you are a single parent. It was my chance to show the world that I didn’t end up in this situation because I’m stupid, I ended up here because I put faith in the wrong person, someone who was supposed to look after me and his children but was not prepared to.
Trying to focus on what I was going to use my qualification for was difficult, did I look at a job I could go straight into or aim as high as I could? With some grit and determination, I focused on becoming a scientist! Who could put you down when you’ve got a science degree? I took up As-level chemistry along side my access course, almost doubling my workload and having the pressure of final exams for the first time since GCSE. Sitting in a room of 16-year olds as an adult was interesting, and they found it a little odd that I was there. An unspoken agreement started between me and one of the very quiet students that I would handle the practical work (which she hated), if she gave me some assistance with some of the more complex equations!
My applications went in for University, but my hopes were dashed when the closest University rejected my application because they wanted the full Chemistry A-level. I was offered a place at Exeter medical school to study a degree in clinical science, it was perfect and a massive boost considering Exeter was in the top 10 universities at the time. I set about planning to move there, but the university wouldn’t help and because the rules on when single parents had to start looking for work had changed, no-one could say if I’d need to work even if I was at university. In the end I felt staying put and studying from home was the best option, so enrolled with the Open University to do a BSc Natural science, chemistry pathway.
I found studying for the first year of my degree brilliant. I could get a certain amount of Uni work done during the day when the kids were at school, I also did some voluntary work at a charity shop and work experience with the science technicians at the college I’d attended. When my daughter turned five I found a job within a month, it was only a seasonal role, but it saw us through the summer that year until I started work at a school. That year I worked almost full-time hours, looked after my children and completed my first year of university full time. Looking back, I wonder if I found the power to extend how many hours there was in a day.
My degree then went on hold. I’d studied my bottom off for three years and was at the point of burning myself out. I chose to take a break for a year, which ultimately became four years. During that time I was on a good wage, we enjoyed lots of days out and I even saved up to take the children to Turkey (all be it April and cold in Turkey, but still an exciting time away). A change in our circumstances at the beginning of 2016 meant I took on a part time job and grabbed the opportunity to study again. I’ve now only got five months until I’m half way through my degree and I couldn’t be happier. I’m aiming to qualify with a science degree by 2020. It means we need to struggle financially for the next few years, but as my children are nearing teenage I will be able to get a well-paid, full time job when I finish and support them through university or whatever they want to do in the future.
There should be the option and opportunity for single parents to study and gain qualifications that improve their employment chances. So often we are put into this bracket of only being good enough for the lowest paid, basic jobs, because after all we were stupid enough to get into this situation, right? Wrong! We are amazing! We master a role normally done by two people, that takes an extraordinary amount of strength and resilience. Don’t ever let anyone put you down, don’t ever take no for an answer, use the determination you’ve had as a single parent to push yourself, because if you can manage one of the most difficult jobs in the world alone – you can manage anything!