Help when you can’t agree
Mediation
Mediation is a process by which you and your child’s other parent can try to resolve disputes on practical issues, with the help of a trained professional. It is a voluntary process; neither parent can be made to try mediation if they do not want to.
Mediators cannot give you legal advice, and it is advisable to get legal advice before you use mediation, especially if you need to decide issues around finances.
Mediation is likely to be cheaper and quicker than negotiating through a solicitor or going to court. Negotiating an agreement through mediation may help reduce hostility, and allow you to focus on your relationship as parents. If you are making arrangements for your child, take into consideration what your child wants and needs. A mediator will focus on making a child-centred agreement, which should be in their best interests.
What happens in mediation?
You and your child’s other parent will discuss the issues you need to work out, and the mediator will lead the discussion and help you focus. The mediator will help you and the child’s other parent have your say, and it is the two of you who make the decisions. You may be worried that your child’s other parent will dominate or take over, but the mediator will be working to make sure you are heard.
Who is mediation suitable for?
Mediation relies on two people wanting to resolve their dispute, even though they have very different viewpoints at the start of the process.
Mediation is not suitable in certain situations. If you have been in a violent or abusive relationship with your child’s other parent, mediation may not be appropriate for you.
Mediation also may not be possible due to practical issues, such as not being able to attend because of where you live, or because of a disability.
Is it legally binding?
If you are able to reach an agreement with your child’s other parent, the mediator will draw up a written document for you. You might want to get legal advice on whether it is fair to you, especially if it’s about finances.
The agreement provided by the mediator is not legally binding, but if you would like it to be, a court can make the agreement into a ‘consent order’. This means you have a court order, but you have decided it rather than a judge. The court will need to check the arrangement is fair before they grant the order. The current fee for a consent order is £45, but if you are on a low income it may be reduced – ask at the court before you pay.
How much does it cost?
Mediation costs will vary depending on the service you use. Depending on your income, you may be eligible for legal aid funding, which means it would be free. For an assessment to see if you qualify for legal aid contact Community Legal Advice – see the Further Help and Information section.
The charges are likely to be per session, so find out the costs from the mediation service before you start. Some services can charge you separately, but if this is not possible make sure you agree with your child’s other parent how the costs will be paid before you start.
The amount of sessions you need will depend on the issues you need to resolve, but between three and five is the average.
How to find a mediator
You can search for a local family mediator at
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk. The search should give you details of all the local services, and indicate if they do legal aid work. National Family Mediation can give you general information about mediation, and details of a local non-profit making mediation service. Contact details are in the Further Help and Information section.