[sirtobi]

Hello Marshmallow,

To avoid your son being seen in irregularity by his dad, you make him see him not at all. You have to take the blame, his dad would have to take himself at some point if he doesn’t change his behaviour. I can’t see the wisdom in this, and I can’t figure out, where the advantage for you and your son is. He obviously misses him, so the pressure on you rises, and he misses out. Not a win-win in my book.

[sirtobi]

Hello Sammy,

I know it is hard and a lot of people are struggling at the moment. A food bank is the obvious first place to go. Sometimes they do supply a lot   more than food, e.g. washing powder, toiletries, clothing, etc. In our town, things are organized the way that one charity gives out a warm meal every day of the week. Usually it is ok to present a container to take any leftovers home. Free school meals are available via http://www.gov.uk/”your local council”.  Our local women rescue centre gives out child clothing and also do different churches. There, you are also welcome to ask for hardship funding. Our local communal garden projects supply fresh fruit and veggies when available.

I hope this gives you a lead to follow.

[sirtobi]

Hello,

same issue here, as our 12-year-old son refuses to go to his mother time and time again, even though there is a court order in place. Just inform cafcass and the court about what happens and that is about it. On the long run obviously, the other parent has to find out, why the child is so unwilling, or as in our case, showing symptoms like hyperventilating and hysteria, and sort it out between them. In my opinion, it is mostly a matter of trust. Somewhere down the line, she has lost his trust, and she is unwilling to find out, where and why and how she can rebuild it. Instead, she is threatening and bullying, which makes matters worse. Sounds like you are in the same boat. You will probably not do much good whatsoever, if the other parent isn’t able to go past the anger. And don’t worry about the court. As long as you do, what you are supposed to do, nothing bad will happen.

[sirtobi]

Hello singularity,

we just had our DRA on the first of April. You can agree and both there and then and that will make the final hearing obsolete. In our case, that didn’t happen, and we will have the final in mid-June. I don’t know if that is the rule of thumb or if we are just lucky.

Hope that helps.

 

[sirtobi]

We had the cafcass report in the day of the court sitting. After some deliberation, the judge adjourned as we both were unhappy. Just ask for it, if you need more time to process. The downside is, everything stays as it is, if there is no immediate danger for the child.

[sirtobi]

Hi Alexa,

you don’t sound pathetic at all. You sound relatively composed, as far as I would be ranting, being in your shoes. You have been treated badly indeed and have every right to be angry. No need to feel guilty. Try to channel your anger into positive energy and be proud of yourself. The people around your ex will know, how he treated you, and this will forever leave a stain on him. He will never recover from this, how hard he might try, it will always haunt him. But you will and have peace with yourself in time.

From my experience, the bitterness and anger will go and make place for pity. You wait and see.

All the best for you and the boys.

[sirtobi]

hello Bev,

Jobcentre Plus is your port of call. You need Foto identity, proof of address and P45.

There are two types of Jobseekers Allowance; Contribution-based and Income-based. If a claimant has made enough National Insurance Contributions in the 2 tax years prior to the benefit year the claim is made in, they will be able to claim Contributions-based Jobseekers Allowance. This can be paid for up to 182 days (26 weeks) after which time you may be moved to another applicable benefit.

http://www.jobcentreguide.co.uk

hope this helps

 

[sirtobi]

Hello Sean,

I am on the opposing end of your argument. Our 11 year old has swapped his main carer about six months ago. He didn’t get on very well with his mother’s new partner, and there are also issues with his mother’s behaviour. However, her arguments against it were very much like yours. Cafcass did a section 7 report and did find our son’s arguments convincing and stated he has a say in where he wants to stay.

Finding out, where the issues are and what drives your son, means listening to him. Assuming he is brainwashed doesn’t help him or you, if it isn’t the case. Maybe there are problems you need to solve. That is where I would look first. The second argument is, your son is not refusing contact with you. He just wants it to be on his terms. Our children didn’t ask to be in the position they find themselves in. So regaining control over what is going on in their lives might be part of the healing process, along with testing the waters, are my parents willing to compromise on my wishes this time around or am I just a pawn in their power struggle? I assume you want your son to be happy and that is your priority. If this means to compromise, you might want to consider it. He might change his wishes again and the older he becomes, the more he will be the master of his own fate anyway. My advice would be, don’t burn the ground, where you might want to meet him on a later date.

[sirtobi]

Ok , here is what I found in my life.

1- They are teenagers by age, but self centrists toddlers in their brain. So they want you to get over it and be available to wipe their bottom, if needed. Don’t whine, do not expect any emotional support, just get on with your life and show leadership.

2- They hate to miss out. So give them all of their usual possibilities, instruments, sports gear, books they require, holidays, in your place if you can.

3- They do love a parent  others look up to. Being a governor in school helps, or someone in their sports club, trainer, treasurer. You get the picture.

4- Share activities they undertake. Use the same gym, be a member of the chess, athletics, football -club or if you move further away, chose one of the activities they unusually do.

In short, have a perspective,  be a leader and show them you are willing to own up to your selfishness.

That should do…

[sirtobi]

Hello,

admiration for your  perseverance and strength. If there is a communal garden project in your area, try to join or if there isn’t, set one up. We here, but I know it isn’t everywhere, have a garden centre, run by the council, which is run by disabled and non-disabled. We also have a food co-op, where  disabled and non-disabled people volunteer. Your non-disabled daughter could join the girls scouts for activities, as it is very likely, you will find other parents willing to pick her up and return her home safe. The same goes for athletics and acrobatic clubs. Or girl’s football, where can spend your Saturday morning in the rain and cold , watching her team  losing game after game from the sideline with your disabled daughter ( I know what I am talking about ). I hope this gives you some inspiration.

[Author]

Posts