[Rosy Cheeks]

Hi,

Thanks so much for everyone’s support… it means so much and really really helps.

Things have improved a bit for me…I think reaching rock bottom helped in an odd way.  The only way was up. It is sad to know other people feel the same as me – Joelle83 – but it is also comforting and reassuring. Support makes a huge difference, that bit of weight lifted.

How are things now?

I still have horrendous days where I wish I didn’t have the kids but opening up on here has really helped me realise that I am not alone.  I still have awful bouts of overwhelm and panic, but the darkest thoughts have subsided. I regularly google adoption and fostering options but I think it just helps bring me down when I am not coping.

I have started to do less in the way of activities and try and have more down time.

I have also realised that PMT plays a big part. I am a nightmare just before my period!

So like we all have to, just cracking on and taking it day by day and being grateful that they are at school and the summer hols are over!

Stay safe everyone x we have got this x

 

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

Hey, how are you doing?

We had a good few weeks but things last week have been horrendous again.

xx

 

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

Thank you. I don’t feel it’s a bonding issue but more of a burnout issue I guess.  I know I would cope far better if their Dad would/could share the load. Climbing a mountain in an avalanche is spot on. I often fantasise about just walking out and leaving them with their Dad and him understanding the situation. But that just won’t happen. He is unable to look after them for various reasons.  I just feel trapped and helpless. However much support I get it all still falls onto me to figure it all out. My life is not mine anymore and I really feel awful thinking like this. How old are yours?

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

I think the most important thing is to try your best to treat your relationship with the Dad totally separately to that of Dad’s relationship with your child.

My ex is a narcissist and the only way the kids are not affected is by me and him having absolutely no contact.  Get a parenting plan drawn up and stick to it.

Do you have genuine safe guarding concerns? This is a key question. Is your child safe? Physically and emotionally.

Playing computer for 8 hours is pretty cruddy but is it unsafe? I think car seats are legal in the front? Please correct me if I am wrong.

I hope you see what I am getting at. Pick your battles. I have been there and the ONLY way I could get through it was to just accept his parenting style is not the same as mine.

Then there are the things which really are a problem.  For me the things that were a problem were for example when I found out he was leaving the kids alone at home aged 3 and 5. Him smoking in the car with the kids.

I would suggest you go to mediation to get a parenting plan drawn up.

If he keeps breaking it then think about a CAO via the family courts.

It is so hard, my heart goes out to you x

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

Do you have a contact order?

[Rosy Cheeks]

I hear you… It’s horrendous. My advice would be to get a written agreement via mediation, and don’t deviate from it.

If he breaks to plan, then you would have to consider a CAO via the family courts.

But even then it’s not plain sailing. No one can actually force him to see his kids. But if he continually breaks the agreement then he would risk having no contact in the end.

It’s so hard, I hope you are OK, I really do understand x

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