[pixie_mama]

Hi there, sorry to hear that you and you son are going through a tricky time.  I know (from experience!) it’s really hard being on the receiving end of behaviour like you describe. Hopefully it’s a phase that will soon pass, but I know it can feel so hard whilst you’re going through a phase like that!

There’s a website that’s helped me a lot over the years called Aha Parenting. Really helped around ways to respond, what kinds of unmet needs can be behind challenging behaviour, ways to redirect it. Sometimes strategies can take a little time to see a difference – and then may not work a 100% of the time. But it’s a resource I go back to.

It sounds hard if the preschool aren’t very supportive. It could be useful to have their perspective – e.g. on whether he hits, throws etc there.

It may be worth checking with the GP/health visitor about the toiletting. I’m not a professional, and it could be that your little guy’s just taking a bit longer and will get there in his own time. But might be worth just talking through with them.

Hope things improve soon x

[pixie_mama]

Hello,

Yay for all you’ve done for moving yourself and your kids to a better situation. I’m sorry for how your ex is being uncooperative.

I’m no expert here, trying to navigate around benefits etc myself. It’s a complex system!

Do you get the single person’s council tax reduction? Also, there’s the Warm Homes Discount you can apply for through your energy provider – I think you would now need to wait until the autumn to apply for winter this year. But it’s worth looking into if you havent heard of it.

I think Gingerbread might have a benefits advice line you can ring?  They’ll be tons more knowledgeable than I am.

[pixie_mama]

Hi Matt,

Sorry to hear you’re finding things hard. It’s great that you’ve reached out for help. Your care and concern for your daughters came through so strongly in your post.

You said you think they’re missing a female presence – they’re  lucky to have a dad who’s reflective and tuned in enough to notice that. Sure, especially as they ride the rollercoaster of teenage then, as much as you’re doing what sounds like an awesome job, maybe having female bonds and role models is also important to them.

Do you have female relatives or friends around who could spend time with them/all of you, or just be more involved in their lives? Could be some support for you as well.

Or is there a female school counsellor, or an out-of-school club or class they could join, which would give that opportunity for female presence? If there’s particular teachers at school who know and understand your girls well, you could try having a chat with them about anything they know of locally.

Hope your uphill battles smooth out a bit soon.

[pixie_mama]

I’m not in your situation, but feel for you as it must be a lot on your shoulders. Well done for reaching out.

My childrens’ dad doesnt have them for long and they can’t stay with him overnight. My family aren’t local and, when I do see them, none of them can look after both kids for long without me there as my eldest has additional needs and so no-one can “cope with them both”. Same with friends. I can’t have an evening out, go to something without the kids that would take more than half a day, work full-time, meet a new partner.

My kids’ dad doesnt really want to be involved in things like learning strategies to support our eldest/decisions such as around secondary school. I sometimes feel overwhelmed and panicky from that sense of solo responsibility. Mine’s not the same situation as yours I know, as he is around, but I likewise often feel very alone.

But I do get to share so much fun, magic and awesomeness with our children. I think he’s missing out.

[Author]

Posts