[newseparation123]

He doesn’t really have any money so I doubt I’d get much if I did push for it and it might just make him even more hostile and difficult.

yeh he wants to see her every day. Basically he will want 50/50 custody except he doesn’t have the money to provide a proper home for her so he knows he can’t push for that at the moment so he wants as much contact but in my house. I will never want 50/50 but I do want her to have a good relationship with him and as you say I just want her to have a secure stable home and still continue to see him regularly. He’s a bit idealistic and deluded and I hope the mediator would help to break it down but he’s really committing himself to this campaign against me (partly to get back at me, partly because he’s realising he’s lost the only good thing in his life and partly because he feels he’s entitled to 50% of her as if she’s an asset or something – it’s really not motivated by good emotions). I hope you’re right and that mediator or court would see that I’m proposing a very reasonable arrangement but I do get scared at times that he might manipulate them into somehow getting what he wants. I don’t know how he’s planning to earn more in order to ever provide a decent place to have her overnight but I assume he thinks he can do that at some point.
did you go through a court case yourself or just very knowledgable?

[newseparation123]

Thanks. No he doesn’t contribute any maintenance financially. Every other weekend would be fine with me to be honest and a teatime visit. But he won’t accept that. With the over night stays do you know what courts do if the other parent is in a flatshare? They can’t surely send a 2 year old overnight if the place isn’t suitable? I imagine it would take a while to get through the courts so I doubt it would happen before she’s 2.5 anyway.

[newseparation123]

He doesn’t have any suitable accommodation to have her so he wants to come to see her at my house every day and put her to bed 3x a week (at my house) and come at 8am a couple of days. This is not reasonable or sustainable and would be very disruptive for her he never put her to bed when we were together and to be honest I don’t want him in my house at all. I think him having a couple of days a week where he has a long period with her would be much better than little slots where she has to go through handovers between us (which are incredibly hostile at the moment) just for the sake of an hour. I need to know there are some days where I don’t have to interact with him and where she doesn’t have to go through handovers it is very confusing and upsetting for her. I also want a plan that will work long term and his crazy plan is never going to work long term which I’ve also been advised by my lawyer that unless the parents have a very good relationship then seeing them every day doesn’t work.
mediators can also be trained lawyers or they can just be mediators so I’m just a bit torn about which to go with

[newseparation123]

How come it went to court? Presumably mediation wasn’t successful? I wouldn’t really want overnights to start anytime soon but my ex doesn’t have a suitable place for that anyway at the moment

[newseparation123]

That is horrific – he should not have been continuing to try for a baby with you if he was not committed to the relationship.

I have a 2 year old and when I found out I was pregnant again (unplanned) my partner ended our relationship and accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to trap him (what a misogynist stereotype!). He is now ironically threatening to take me to court to get 50/50 custody of both children even though he was so horrified by the idea of the second child that he ended the relationship! I am now 23 weeks pregnant and I go through phases of feeling terrified at how I will cope with two and other times feeling so grateful to have these blessings. His hostility and threatening court for custody is the worst part so if your ex is at least not being demanding then I think you should be grateful for that. Having 1 on your own is hard but I think you will do great as you clearly desperately wanted this child. Do you have family to support? I am very scared managing a newborn and a toddler as I won’t be able to nap when the baby does etc. I think you will find one is manageable. I guess at some point you need to discuss with him what he wants his relationship to the child to be. The child has a right to a relationship with its father if that is possible. But it might be too early to contemplate that. Anyway, congratulations and try to enjoy the pregnancy if you can x

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