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Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 108 total)
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  • #35025 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Amylou

    Im not going to offer you precise advice becuase that would be wrong of me and everybodies situation is different. I will go on my own experience and take from it as you wish. Some years ago my partner left the home and we had a joint mortgage. She had left for 2 years and suddenly needed some money so i bought her out of her share of the home and it was estimated as a value from 2 years before. This she accepted and was happy with the figure. Have you tried asking asking him what figure he would be happy with? Maybe you can work from that. Dont let him set the agenda . Speak to people and that starts with your lender. Ive found the banks to be willling to listen if they think there will be a problem receiving their money (greedy sods). Start with him them move to the banks. Sorry if this isnt much help. The point is get some financial assisitance and help from your lender. They wont charge and are only to happy to help if they think they will get their money at the end of the day. As i said,greedy sods.

    #34996 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hiya,

    Hope your ok. Its not really for me to say as only you know him well. Sounds like hes trying at least a bit by phoning at the weekends but as you say  if its going to end in abuse then thats not going to go to well. I know this going to sound crazy but have you tried talking to him and telling him the damage that hes causing? You dont need anyone to tell you how bad this is for your son and also for you too.  If you guys cant find a way through that is a happy medium for you all then the battle will continue.  Stop it now and say he needs to see them? Tell him the game is up. We done with this shit. Do or die. In or out. Sorry to be so course and i could easily be wrong and others maybe able to advise you better. Be stronger with the arse..

    #34994 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hey,

    Glad you made a decision that is right for YOU. Not him. This for you and your baby. Well done x

    #34868 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Rach

    Im no expert but id be pretty sure they would have come accross this situation many,many times. The break up is very recent and im sure they wouldnt have expected you to have sorted a new tenancy agreement at such short notice. Youve done the right thing by letting your Landlord know of the new circumstances and now all you need to do is take your tenancy agreement with you and ask them if this will impact your Universal Credit in anyway. Im pretty sure it wont.

    Best of luck….Mark

    #34798 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hiya

    Some years ago i split up with a partner and she moved out of the home. 2 years later she wanted some money so i bought her share of the property (she was still on the mortgage title with me) and it was estimated for the value(roughly) from the year she left the home. Now im not sure if she could have contested the amount she got but she was happy with that after all it was me alone who had paid the mortgage fully during those 2 years. Hopefully this makes sense. Thats what happened with me and i would hope rules around these things havent changed because as youve been paying the mortgage then it would seem only fair that you gain from any uplift in price. I left her on the title as i thought one day she may return. Alas she never did.

    #34748 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Linda

    You can find people anywhere but i guess it would be like a minefield trying to find a decent one! It makes it harder if the kids dont like you dating. Your right about dating sites . I joined one some years back but had a couple of bad experiences so would never return to them. Im sure there are many who have had positive experiences though. I know what you mean about having someone close to talk to. Just to chat away about how your day was is great.

    Oh and there are decent people on this very website .Good luck x

    #34732 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hiya,

    As above. Mark is spot on. You shouldnt have to put up with this. Its abuse. Stop it now by getting the ball rolling and calling the above number. Enough already !  Your trying your hardest and being put down both emotionally and physically. Please,please listen to above post. Take care xx

    #34721 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Dan

    Im only guessing but your guilt is because you left a little one ? You didnt leave her. You left her mum.  You took a step backwards and removed yourself from a situation which most definately wouldnt have helped her long term. Stay in her life and do all you can to remain there.

    #34718 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Belsey

                      Was nice reading your post but frustrating too as your new man sounds like a nice fella and quite rightfully you would like him to be a part of your life. Your daughters life too. It sounds like thats going to take time. Ive had similar experience of this and know that it took a long time and a heck of a lot of patience. You come across that you have your head screwed on properly and youve already spoken to both daughter and new partner and you are now looking for the magic key that will unlock the mystery of youthful minds. You wont find the key with your daughter. You wont find the key with yourself. You will find it with your new partner. He has that key but maybe he just doesnt know it yet. This is where you come in. You need to sit with him and explain to him that he is the one who can break this deadlock. Now i dont know you guys so forgive me if im getting this wrong but im going on my experience and while it worked for me it doesnt mean it will work for you to. Feel free to adapt any advice to your own circumstances . Ok so a clue was in the words “suprise visit” . For your daughter read “what,this guy just turns up unannounced and gatecrashes our family time?” For her it wasnt a nice suprise it was one of abject horror so i guess she retaliated as many kids would and just made him feel unwelcome. Hey why not?We all have visitors we dont want right? As adults we wouldnt be outright rude to them but we use subtle hints like not offering them a second cup of tea or we start yawning or something. So surprise visits dont work. They never work. You say your partner is keen on doing things as a three? It is way ,way too early for things as a three. This must be things as a two. You and him. Things as a three suggests “family” things to her . It suggests the three of you as a little family gathered round and cozy with hot chocolate and watching a movie. She doesnt want that. Now forgive me if ive misread this and my advice comes across as rude in anyway but i did start off by saying this worked for me but our circumstances were only similar,not the same.

    Ok so heres the plan that found the key for me. First things first. Hes your friend.Not hers. She doesnt want him (yet). Whenever he comes over ( no suprise visits!) it must be just you and him who chats,laughs etc. Dont even think of involving your daughter at this stage. Dont call upstairs to your daughter “Would you like to come down watch a movie with us?”  Hes your friend and yours alone. You absolutely must not kiss,cuddle etc in front of her. She must not see that right now. She must not see anything or hear anything at all which suggests “family” to her. He musnt bring her any gifts whatsover. No matter how small. Thats a big no no. He cant buy her,shes not for sale. But he must bring YOU gifts. Personal things that are clearly meant just for you. If i may be so bold as to suggest what NOT to bring. Absolutely no romantic gifts for now. Make an exception for chocolates. In fact make sure you do get chocolates. Not only are they a very personal gift but they are also something that can be shared with your daughter. If she would like any of course. Im sure you and your guy can come up with some great ideas . . In fact you should adapt everything to find the way that will work for you. However you adapt it always bear in mind that he is YOUR friend . Everything he does and says is for you only. This is not about happy families. This is about you and your friend just being mates. Buddies who enjoy each others company. Have a laugh. Maybe a few beers. Yes im well aware it will be tough when all you want to do is cuddle each other and get all romantic but she doesnt want to see that. But she will be fine with you just being mates when she sees you are happy and hes not trying even slightly to be “dad”.  It will take time and patience. No way must either of you discuss doing anything that involves the three of you. I cant state that enough. For me it was a long road but when i tried this i was fairly suprised to see that it worked . It didnt at first.It wont.She will continue for a while to be rude. She will get used to him just coming over and and you two being mates. It must have taken 3 months to gradually get to the stage of having my partner accepted.  About 2 years after that,we married. I found my key and hopefully you will find yours too. Whatever you choose to do and however you choose to do it good luck.

    #34658 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi

    His behaviour does seem a little erratic to say the least. Possibly even signs of narcissistic stuff going on.  You know him well enough so if you believe that hes playing games then he is. Mind games.

    #34657 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi

    Count me in ! Could do with some friends!

    #34656 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Scott

    Heartbreaking post.  Hope your ok.  I think i see how hard it must be for you. The main thing for you seems to be guilt.  Guilt that your mum wont have the finances to look after your daughter. Guilt that you wont have the finances either. Guilt that you would be moving to a new home and yet leaving your daughter behind ? Look at the reasons why your doing it. Your doing it so that you can get yourself straight. Nothing wrong with that. Your doing it because if you can get straight for yourself then youll be ready for the proper care of your daughter. That im sure is your goal in all of this. Your mum has offered to help you out with caring for your daughter until you settle. If you feel you cant cope with a 10 year old on your own then thank mum for her offer,accept it  and let your daughter know that your coming back for her.

    #34509 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Scott

    This must be such an awful time for you !  Im not sure how much advice i could offer you but i would be straight off to Citizens Advice pronto. They can at least offer a direction for you to take. Its good youve taken it upon yourself to find a suitable home for you and your daughter and thats a positive step forward however i realise landlords require a deposit upfront. Could you borrow it?  Its great your working but does that mean your still paying money towards your exes home etc?  If not then it will give you a great chance of saving quickly. Hopefully mum just has some food money from you and a good size of your income can be saved towards a deposit ?  Itll take time but you seem like someone who knows where their heading . Good luck buddy and hang in there

    #34486 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    hIYA

    We dont afford anything. But we here coz we know we are .  Whatever the problem is your doing so well. Never,ever think your not doing enough. You are. Your doing way,way better than you think. Take care buddy. Dont let this useless world get you down. Just dont let it. People love you. Take it easy buddy

    Markxx

    #34480 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi Tori

    Sorry to hear of your situation !    Cant your partner help you out for childminding? I guess not as youve asked the question of where to find them. You can look online for local childminders. Another thing you can do is let your employers know that your having personal problems as they have a duty of care towards you and should look to help in some way . Do you have any family support? Anyone who could help you through this? Losing sleep and not eating properly i totally get as thats been happening with me too. I know its easy for me to say but try to take one small step at a time as there will be lots to think about and the more thats in your head then the more confusing it all becomes. Take care youll get there in the end

    xx

Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 108 total)