[Luceelu]

I didn’t need to submit anything for the mortgage as they don’t help with that but did have to show evidence of the rent and service charges which they can help towards cost off.

[Luceelu]

My ex is abusive and has had no contact for the last 3 years so I will be taking my children without making an application to court or requesting his permission. When I sought legal advice they told me to just send an email or text the day I travel to let him know I have taken the kids abroad and when I will return incase I am questioned at the airport but they said it is unlikely. I have also had single parent friends travel similar circumstances and they have never been questioned or stopped.

[Luceelu]

Sunnydance Thank you for sharing also. I experience those same feelings since leaving with my kids 3 years ago now. Like you say there are times when it can be tough working full time and being sole carer to the kids but  no regrets whatsoever. I am curious though as to how you found therapy and if you waited to do this? I do worry that I managed to leave that relationship without shedding a tear or having any real emotion yet I know I still carry the scars from being in that relationship as don’t like anyone getting close and am very guarded. I keep saying I don’t want another serious relationship but I think that is more me protecting myself and closing myself off. Just scared at what therapy may unlock or what emotions it may bring out. Feel free to message me privately as keen to know how u found it. Xx

[Luceelu]

I should also add that I had known my ex 25 years so do hear where you are coming from.

[Luceelu]

Hello lovely I am sorry to read your post. It took me until my girls were 8 and 3 before I realised I was living with a narcissist and that I was his supply. I am sorry to say it was never and will never be about the children. It will always be about them and you. 100% you should stick with CMS and let them do the chasing etc. Finally I to this day desperately long for my ex to step up and just be a dad to his girls while he still can but I realise now that he is not capable of that. In my situation whilst it is hard at times on the girls emotionally I know 100% they are better off not seeing their narcissist parent who would emotionally manipulate and damage them. I had tried and each time was met with my girls coming back in pieces and sharing things he had said to get in their head. Honestly lovely think about your baby boy and yourself. I wish I had been strong enough to leave and cut all ties when my first daughter was a baby but I always wanted to believe it would change and get better. It doesn’t I’m afraid 🙁

Focus on you and your baby boy x

[Luceelu]

So sorry to read this but sadly this is a very common scenario, its been 3 years since I split from my narcissist ex and is the same left his 40K job to have undeclared income and cash in hand. Infuriates me how the CMS know they are doing all they can to avoid paying, claim to have all these powers yet still never held to account financially for the kids who are left to suffer and miss out on what they should be entitled to.

There are other countries where men are unable to avoid payment and defraud the system so I have no idea why we make it so easy for them here.

As with others on here, I have now given up on CMS and lost any real hope of ever getting any maintenance for my kids from their dad. Sickens me when he gloats about it but like others learning to just accept it and not let it consume me.

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