[Lapaix]

Hello

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Sounds like a lot of life changing events thrown in together. It may be worth having a conversation about your futures whilst things still appear cordial. My husband and I lived together in different bedrooms but it got from ok to bad to worse, thankfully the sale went through and I was able to buy him out. It is really a difficult thing to manage, whilst keeping it all together for the children. I know it’s hard, but the sooner you have a practical conversation the better for both of you. Good luck with it.

 

[Lapaix]

hello

I thought I’d come and post something here as I literally made a decision not to pursue costs from ex. Pretty sure my solicitor thinks I’m crazy, but I’m dead set on being rational about how all of this works. I’ve already paid so much as I’m petitioning for divorce, for unreasonable behaviour. Then the ex decides he will not pay what he agreed to (which is pennies really). I’m not after his money or whatever he has, I literally want nothing to do with the idiot. Karma, I suspect, will get him. I’m determined to make it on my own. Am I crazy, or do anyone agree that there just isn’t a price for peace, so being the adult and taking the moral high road – is the most peaceful way out? I have, honestly, no wish to fight. Sure, I could. But at what cost? I am happily moving on, and I’m doing my best with my little one (who I see 50% of the time). I’m in pursuit of happiness rather than trying to fight someone who has no integrity, no human decency. Why bother, right? I’m convinced putting all my energy in me is the right way!

[Lapaix]

Hi Carmen

Your story is so similar to mine, though I wasn’t pregnant so stayed to endure abuse for a further 15 yrs, before I left. Nobody should have to shout at you. And don’t excuse how you feel, because your feelings are very legitimate. There is no such thing as being too sensitive in the context you describe. Your opinions should be valued and respected. So I just wanted to say, this might well be a blessing in disguise – might not feel like it, and it may be hard to start with, but it does get better. I wish I left when I was being screamed at in the centre of town and all attention was on me. I wish I left when he chose a holiday to go see a girl in Brazil instead of coming on holiday with us instead. I agree with Cabs_82 that single parents can be as happy if not happier!! Take care and good luck x

 

 

 

[Lapaix]

Hi Daisie,

I’m so sorry to hear your story. Your pain is still fresh and so must be really hard. Hang in there. You nailed it, it is very much like grief. But it does get better. First there are more bad days, then they are pretty much even. Then there are more good days. Whatever you do, your children will be your rock. I hope you find strength in them.  Life sometimes knocks off us course, unexpectedly. I wish you all the best, lean on your friends and family, and of course, happy to offer a few words of encouragement and advice too! X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Lapaix]

Hello,

I understand your challenge too well! Are there anyone from his school group that you can arrange play dates with? Get him to let you know who his school friends are and invite them and their parents for coffee. Afterwards, it’s play dates. It’s a slow journey, but I’ve been in the same boat and you’ll find that there are others like you too. I hope you meet some lovely people at the park, and good luck!

 

[Lapaix]

Hi everyone

I’m separated too, and going through the divorce process. From reading all of the posts there is one common theme, that of the “broken family”. I too used to feel heartbroken because of what society has constructed as normal. For months I struggled with this, especially as we were telling our little boy that he has two homes now, and that we are still a family. Then it dawned on me, families can never be broken, they are simply reconfigured. So we need to adjust to the new shape that families can take, and get our children to be comfortable that, the new set up is ok too. In our new set up, we (certainly I) put my child first and his needs first. It requires immense sacrifice especially when you are hurting. I’ve learnt that forgiving someone isn’t about the other person, but about freeing myself from the hurt. As much as possible, I have tried to separate my emotions from my thoughts, so I can make rational decisions for the benefit of my child. But omg it is not easy. The hurt does not just disappear. It’s going to be two years this September, and I still have moments where I am in intense sadness. But these are getting far in between now. Don’t rush he process. Separating from someone involves grieving, and it is a long long process. But do not despair, it gets easier – it does. And I miss my child for the 50% that he’s not with me, but I’m learning to appreciate being alone too. I will not be rushing this nightmare, personally, I think this has been the best education I’ve had since completing my degree! I really hope to be able to use it positively, and to do good with having gone through such heartbreak.

[Lapaix]

Thanks Andrew. It’s really about focusing on what is within our control, and letting go of what isn’t. So, so hard to do! But as with everything else, one step forward at a time. One of my friends told me, “you focus on you, you grow. You focus on s**t, s**t grows, choose wisely”. Every single day I have to make that conscious choice.

[Lapaix]

Thank you! I’ve only got one, which makes it just that bit tricky because I’m either having to play with him at all times (which I absolutely love) but not able to keep an eye on belongings, or feel that he’s not getting enough exposure with other kids. Perhaps I’m overthinking this!

[Lapaix]

Hello,

I’m new here, and new to parenting 50%. New to a world where, if you have a child, it would seem most things are geared towards the traditional family unit. I’m trying to book a holiday with my son, but finding it a challenge – is there such a thing as single parent and kids holidays?

[Lapaix]

Hello

I have read all the posts and perhaps I can offer some words of wisdom – caveat, work in progress. I too have separated and husband of 15 yrs swiftly imported young Brazilian girlfriend which he now appears to live with. We share our son 50/50. It has been a tough journey of working on myself – instead of looking to judge, or be jealous, I decided to turn all of my energy and focus on myself. I go to the gym, I go running, applied for a promotion, I am working on me. And when I see my little boy we do fun stuff, and I always treasure my time with him. Instead of dreading my time alone, I have started looking forward to it. Plan movies with yourself, read your favourite books, do some gardening. And in the winter, I hit the road running to feel the cold ice air in my nostrils, a reminder that I’m alive and I’m a fighter. And that the version of me that I’m leaving behind was an out of date version. I am working on me, and loving me. Because, if I don’t, who will? Also, if you like numbers playing sudoku is also quite helpful. Good luck with it, it is not easy. I have bad days too, but I’m now learning to tread lightly on those bad days, so I can look forward to a brighter tomorrow..

 

 

[Author]

Posts