[I needaliein]

Thanks Andrew, I appreciate your thoughts. Am trying to avoid stopping them seeing each other as long term may do more harm.than good (maybe?).

I have tried to speak to him.about it each time, but he is by turns, very defensive, or expects me to provide him with  a magic solution without changing his behaviour at all…

We don’t have a parenting plan as haven’t been thru court system… If this carries on it may we’ll be something I’ll have to try to get in place… I did try to get mediation before I left but after 1 session he refused to engage with it.

On reflection I suspect he gets away with not engaging much with our child when he has her after school for a few hrs a couple of days a week or the odd afternoonat the weekend…she’s tired after school and happy to watch a bit of telly and have tea until I come to collect. Am guessing a whole day in the holidays when she’s full of beans is a different ball game for him….

Hey ho, 3 weeks of school holidays left….

 

 

 

[I needaliein]

You could try YHA,they do ensuite  family rooms with shared self catering facilities, usually have outside space and TV/games available- sometimes good late deals. 🙂

[I needaliein]

Hi,

In brief- carer for primary age kids-.likely to be required to work up to equivalent of 25 hrs a week at minimum wage over each month ( this may be reduced due to your particular circumstances).

If you earn more than min wage an hr you can work fewer hrs, it’s how much you earn each month they’re interested in.

It’s OK if your self emp income is-

Fairly stable month to month

Business expenses are simple and lowish

You don’t have too many people.pay you late- this can really mess.you up

Your expenses etc have to agree with you tax return at end of year so keep records of digital calculations UC does each month (!)

Good luck.

[I needaliein]

Hi, Sounds really tough for you at the moment. There will.be better days to come.

Practical thoughts- divorce is not likely to be a speedy process anyway- take your time, get proper legal advice, don’t allow him to pressure you into hasty decisions.

Financially- you may be entitled to in work benefits if you’re on a low-ish income and main carer for children. I understand you might not want to consider applying for ‘benefits’ but I try and think of it as working tax credits (old name) rather than universal credit….it’s there to support people.who are able to &  want to work but because they have caring responsibilities need a bit of help in short term. It’s not forever.

Also, if you’ve been paying  bills & mortgage by yourself anyway you might find the mortgage co is willing to lend to just you, or that you can remortgage with a sympathetic lender in your sole.name. I work part time, have a young child and get no maintenance but Halifax was willing to lend to me and I’ve kept on top of payments. It is possible so maybe worth looking into.

Keep going, you are doing an amazing job to keep all the balls in the air in really rough circumstances.

 

 

[I needaliein]

Hi, you could try citizen’s advice for free face to face advice on legal side as a starting point.praps.

I did this initially and they were very helpful.

Was in a similar ish position when we split- there were options around housing support from council because of kids but was not straightforward to  access- citizens advice  were able to advise me on what would and wouldn’t be possible and how to apply as my circumstances were a bit complicated and council website makes it as hard as possible (!)

I do remember they advised me very strongly not move out of the house or ‘make myself homeless’ without legal side being properly sorted first. They advised  doing that can make you & the kids very vulnerable and cause long term financial problems for you which may otherwise be avoided.

While house may be a ‘fixer upper’ it still has a value & you have a financial interest in it- your husband would need to buy you out of your share if he wants to continue living in it/sell.it and split proceeds.

Sounds like this is very recent and a bit of a shock- take some time to think what you need and want in the medium- longer term amd please get some professional advice. Also, many solicitors do offer free initial advice sessions, you can get their opinion on your rights/responsibilities in this situation. Hope.that helps a bit.

Good luck.

 

[I needaliein]

Hi, think you’re right to be very wary of this without someone truly independent to mediate. Also, agree with you that the pressure on a child to please both parties in this sort of arrangement doesn’t seem like a good plan. Putting current arrangements that have worked up till now OK into writing sounds like a good plan- esp. if it can be worked in such a way that indicates the length of time it has already been in place for. 

Hope it works out for you 🙂

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