[Gertrude]

There’s no need to be hostile and also no need to be sarcastic. Everyone is on this forum for their own reasons. You are an aggressive individual.

All the best with whatever it is you are looking to achieve.

[Gertrude]

I find your response very hostile. In a country of supposed equality it doesn’t matter that you grew and gave birth to her. You couldn’t have done that without his sperm.

I did not say that if there has been domestic abuse there should be contact. I said it’s different when it comes to cases of abuse. Which I find hard to believe that a court would allow contact if that was the case.

[Gertrude]

I’m not sure how you can be sick of hearing about Dad’s rights? It’s 2023, there should be equal rights. Yet when it comes to the family courts, they are in general biased towards mothers, not fathers. And this is my personal experience.

Different when there is a history of abuse etc and that is your own personal experience. But saying you’re sick of hearing about Dad’s rights is unfair. The reason people are speaking up about it is because in a lot of cases good men are alienated from their children due to manipulative women and the courts feed into that.

You have been recieving CSA from your ex, so that has financially helped you to look after your child. That is because he has parental rights, and should be helping financially, which he has been doing. He also has a right to see his child and have a relationship with them. Again, because he has parental rights.

Obviously I don’t know what all has went on but a child has the right to have a relationship with both parents regardless of who gave birth to them.

 

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by Gertrude.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by Gertrude.

[Gertrude]

Hi deep blue,

Denmark or Germany whichever she is living in I believe have a REMO agreement with the UK to enforce child maintenance. I’m not sure of how to go about it but it is worth exploring. If she has money in assets then that is normally dealt with by a variation. Again I’m not 100% sure.

Maybe ring the gingerbread helpline they may be able to guide you further with this.

[Gertrude]

Hi heron, follow your dream job. You’ll be better off after it. If you were still with your exes in a relationship, then there would be no income from your side and as a family unit budget accordingly. It’s no different this way. Follow your dream

[Gertrude]

I agree with football nut. At 11 years old she will understand. But you’re right these comments should never happen in the first place but you can’t control what your ex says, you just have to try to manage it when it happens.

You’re not being abusive at all. In fact it’s the mother being abusive, telling her things that a child does not need to hear. It’s disgraceful. Her answer to you about to just shut up is extremely immature.

 

[Gertrude]

Hi Ocean,

Sad that’s she has been made redundant. Can’t be easy in these trying times with the price of everything.

Only your ex partners finances are taken into account so this won’t impact what you are receiving.

[Gertrude]

Hi gingerbread Claire, is this going to be for paying parents too and the frustrations with CMS? I note that nobody from gingerbread commented on my comments about the CMS from a paying parents side, yet every time there are frustrations for resident parents, there is a comment from gingerbread every time.

There are frustrations and unfair treatment from both sides and it deperately needs reformed.

[Gertrude]

Hi CJM,

Thanks for your reply and understanding. Sounds like you’ve been through the mill with it all too and very similar treatment to myself.

I have my annual review coming up and I can already feel my anxiety levels rising with what they’ll come up with this year and how much my arrears amount to even though I’ve paid every penny.

The 25% rule that means you are having to pay an inflated amount for a year is something the government could easily change. Why can’t they just look at payslips instead which would be real time information. A quarter of a drop before they change it in year is ridiculous.

 

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by Gertrude.

[Gertrude]

Also if you have your daughter more then you are the resident parent. You should also be entitled to child benefit from HMRC ( depending on your income).

[Gertrude]

I would suggest to get that looked at again. Doesn’t make sense that you have your daughter more than 50% and still having to pay CM. Are you talking about overnight stays?

Firstly, a place for you and your daughter to stay is a priority. Suggestion for you to do is:

1. Stop paying more than what CMS suggest.

2. Get the calculation redone. If you have your daughter more than 50% of the time then you should not be paying ANY child maintenance. The mother should be paying you child maintenance. If you have her 50 50 then still no child maintenance to pay. This would massively help you being able to afford a home for you and your child.

Take care

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by Gertrude.

[Gertrude]

Have*! Not use.

Should have proof read myself lol

[Gertrude]

Hi hope you are keeping well. First thing to help you financially is to stop paying CSA. Why are you paying CSA when you have* your daughter more than 50% of the time? Surely the mother should be paying you child maintenance

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by Gertrude.

[Gertrude]

Evening, I have been through this. Not from your area but you aren’t alone with having trouble with child contact arrangements. Seems to be quite the norm with resident parents withholding contact/ being very difficult

[Gertrude]

Happy father’s day

[Author]

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