[Attempting to balance life]

Hi love,

 

So sorry you’re going through all this.

To answer your questions. No his partner does not have a say and if taken to court you can even say you’re not comfortable with new partner trying to control situation.

You have the say in all this because of the dv. Do not let his or his girlfriend make you feel any differently 💗

[Attempting to balance life]

What does your daughter feel in this?

If she doesn’t want to see him then I’d respect her wishes. If sbe wants to see him then that needs to be honoured too. Her needs come before anyone else’s.

Parenting doesn’t come with breaks. We can’t just decide to get up and not parent because they’re being difficult. He needs to understand that. Courts would laugh at him.

[Attempting to balance life]

I really do hope everything goes well for you and your daughter. I understand how scary it can be but it will be the greatest thing ever ❤️

And I don’t mind at all. When he asked why he wasn’t around I was honest I told him I’m not sure why he isn’t around and explained that we will never really know what goes on in someone else’s mind as to why they do the things they do. He now tells me he understands that someone else made him but his younger sisters father is who will always be his dad to him.

You never know dad might eventually, maybe even years on have a change of heart.

[Attempting to balance life]

Personally I have been down the child maintenance route. It can be a lot of hassle. But the “collect and pay” option is definitely something to give a go as that’s what I have found to be the most effective in my circumstances. You should be able to receive help for the costs covering things like trips etc. When it comes to school. Schools are also very understanding and helpful with all these things, from my experience and wouldn’t let a child go without if its financially not doable for you. My son’s school has helped me with similar situations quite recently. A lot of schools have a Preloved sale at the end of each year too so that school uniform doesn’t cost a huge amount when it comes to buying that either. Free school meals are now for all children from reception to year 6 starting September too. To help with costs of things like birthday and Christmas I tend to look out for things on sale and I buy Christmas presents throughout the year and birthday gifts also so it doesn’t break the bank when it’s close to those occasions. I also am a sucker for a bargain and find a lot of good bits in charity shops and often get some really good finds for myself and the kids in them!

I know the entire thought of “how am I going to afford everything” can be super scary but honestly you make it work in a way that suits you! I had the exact same thoughts when I fell pregnant with my first and my second child. But you somehow find your feet in it all and it becomes so normal!

[Attempting to balance life]

Reading all of this. You are a good mum. You’re questioning every decision you are making because you want what is best for your daughter. And like you have questioned how would she feel growing up without a dad. It’s the same question you need to ask how would she feel growing up without you and without a dad. You can make decisions for yourself and unfortunately can’t do the same for him.

I’ve been a single parent to a child and I will tell you it is the most rewarding thing. The bond, the love, everything you get from your child will bring you happiness you could never even imagine and it only gets better as they get older. My now 8 year old son his biological dad done similar. But he now has a step dad who he sees as daddy. He has a sister (half sister) but to him this is his family. Just because you’re on your own right now doesn’t mean it will be forever. And as long as your daughter has you then nothing else will matter. You’re stronger than you think and bringing her up yourself will make you realise this. Whatever you choose to do. I have zero judgement it is entirely down to you. But If I were in your shoes. I’d 1000% keep her and make the best possible home and family you can for her. Even if that is just you and her. She will become your best friend ❤️ I hope you manage to figure out whatever it is you need to. Don’t let anyone out you down or cloud your judgement in this situation.

[Attempting to balance life]

I’m under the understanding that you pay child maintenance until the child is 16 unless they’re still in full time education

[Attempting to balance life]

Hi yes they have to contact them.

Sometimes child maintenance isn’t worked out the best way though. They don’t take into account any of the persons outgoings, rent, gas and electric or anything.

Myself and other parent come to an agreement between us as it seems to work better than to have them over pay more than they can afford. Is there anyway you can find out the rate of pay he should be getting for what job he does?

[Attempting to balance life]

You can get a reconsideration. Maybe suggest that she pays phone bill for child instead of you. If you have evidence the child stays more than she has stated it can also go in your favour

[Attempting to balance life]

Hey. We’ve always done it as if the child is unwell. Goes home to the main house as it’s usually where they feel most comfortable. For thing like half days etc how we all saw it and agreed on because the person picking up they pick up no Matter the time.

[Attempting to balance life]

It’s entirely up to you. personally from what you have put I would not put him on the birth certificate but that would be my decision. Child maintenance is something they can get out of paying and if that’s the only reason for you wanting to put him on the birth certificate then maybe think about further down the line how difficult things can get e.g. primary school choices etx. talking from experience (first born I was in a similar situation) I genuinely wish someone had told me do not put him on the birth certificate. I had years of him forcing me to make decisions based on him having parental responsibility. Things that weren’t for our child but more for his convenience than anything else.

[Attempting to balance life]

You are allowed to take your child out of the country for up to 30 days without his consent. providing it’s not 30 or more days he doesn’t really have a say.

[Attempting to balance life]

When changes happen they don’t always notify you. How they see it is you’ll get the entitled child maintenance so unfortunately you’re just going to have to hold out until end of the month and budget what you get from now on from him

[Attempting to balance life]

You can turn up to try and see your daughter. take the paperwork with you and record yourself getting out the car and walking up to the door so she can’t say you were being hostile. The police can’t do much as there’s nothing stopping you from seeing your daughter

[Attempting to balance life]

Our cm case went to liability order and they found him and he’s now paying back the cms owed

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