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  • #56417 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    That’s tricky because the advice from CMS seems nonsense to me. Your ex could technically take her out of childcare on the days you have her and say she’s not paying for those days anymore as those days are your responsibility. She doesn’t have to pay for the holiday childcare with the maintenance money, so you are sort of stuck.

    How much maintenance do you pay and how much is holiday childcare?

    Do you want 50/50 custody? Because you could always fight for that and then not have to pay maintenance at all.

    #55187 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    He’s definitely making matters worse and I completely understand why she doesn’t want to go. Punishing her for choosing to protect herself and protect her mental health is a ridiculous suggestion on his part.

    I’d just say that she’s 15 now and is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to see him or not and that you’re staying out of it. But perhaps if he showed more patience and understanding he’d win her affections back over time. Forcing her to do things will do more damage. Then leave it at that.

    #55186 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    I broke up with my partner when I was pregnant and my one piece of advice to you is just focus on yourself and the baby. If you ex wants to be involved, let him make the effort. It he doesn’t, so be it. He’ll be the one missing out…big time. Don’t waste your energy on getting stressed and anxious about it. You tried, I’d leave it now. Like someone else said assume you’re doing it alone then any help physically or financially he may offer eventually will be a bonus. You really can’t force someone to step up and parent when they don’t want to and it’s not worth wasting your time trying to force it…trust me, I wish I hadn’t. You will be an awesome mummy, your baby will be very loved by you and, who knows, you may meet someone better one day.

    #39721 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    Yes you do! Goodness that sounds like a right mess. I’m sorry you went through all that. I hope that your patience pays off. You may have to bite your tongue for a bit and play the ‘supportive and understanding’ role for the time-being until you can get access again and find out what’s going on. My concern is, if you go down the legal route, you may not get the outcome you’d like. I hope, in time, you can rebuild your relationship with the children. Stay strong!

    #39665 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    Well done on your road to recovery. Not an easy thing to do but you did it.

    However, you do need to wake up a little bit. By your own admission you looked after your children whilst on drugs and they haven’t seen you for years because of your issues. And now you’re complaining about her being ‘in control’ of the situation. She has every right to be. She doesn’t have to forgive you suddenly and of course she feels protective over the children. The reason why there hasn’t been a court order is because she didn’t take it to court when she could have done. You need to be patient and understanding. They’ve moved on with their lives, it will be hard to let you back in. You may be ready for it but maybe they aren’t. Remember that it’s not all about you.

    I’d just say okay, I understand, I want to prove to you that I have changed so you let me know how and when I can do that.

    #39441 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    Hi!

    When I have the time to date again I’d love to date a single dad. I think it’ll be a real bonus finding someone who already understands that the children come first. I also have plenty of love to give so I’d happily embrace more children in my life and I’d love for my daughter to have a step-sibling or two one day as she’s an only child.

    I’m sure there’s plenty of women that think the same so you’ll be fine 🙂

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