[AnotherStatistic]

It’s almost been a year since I’ve been properly separated and living apart from my ex, with 50/50 custody of the kids. You are only 3 weeks in to the process – that’s very raw and it’s the worst it will ever be for you. It genuinely gets better and better with time, especially if you use your new ‘free time’ to do things you love and reconnect with friends and family. It’s a cliche but it’s true.

Keep busy and you’ll end up really enjoying the moments you have to yourself

[AnotherStatistic]

Hey. Separating while living together is really tough. I did it for about 6 months and it was very grim – there’ll always be something about your ex’s behaviour that is hard to deal with – such as the late nights/poor parenting in this case.  My only advice would be to minimise this period of time under the same roof as much as possible, but I know it’s not easy with finances etc.

Also, could you not do every other weekend instead? It sounds like you’d both prefer it for different reasons

[AnotherStatistic]

I did it for 6 months and I would strongly advise against it. You need space away from eachother in the aftermath of a split

[AnotherStatistic]

I have been in a similar situation, and it all happened about a year ago. I was totally broken and it was impossible to conceive how I could possibly cope – not just with the betrayal and loss, but with the adjustment to a completely new lifestyle with even more stress, pressure and responsibilities- splitting childcare and finances etc.

I’m here to say that you can and will cope. The only thing inevitable about the situation is that it will get better. This is your lowest point and the only way is up.

[AnotherStatistic]

I guess it all boils down to what your bank is prepared to lend you as an individual. Have you spoken to them yet?

Mortgage rates obviously look set to get a lot higher now, thanks to the government!!

[AnotherStatistic]

Hi. I was in a similar situation to you, so we decided to put the house on the market asap and live together until it was sold. That was a big mistake. The animosity from both sides grew and it was a throughly miserable 8 months that probably affected our children too.  So, you’re doing the right thing by trying to find an alternative solution.

I’m not an expert on what’s possible, but if one of you can afford to buy the other one out, then that seems like a good way to go. Just make sure you get it recorded and agreed legally and don’t leave it too long before you apply for divorce and a proper consent order.

[AnotherStatistic]

Hi Frisbee. It’s normal to be angry after you’ve been betrayed so don’t beat yourself up about it. It sounds like your ex is being unfair by trying to be friendly as if nothing has happened. I guess you could ask them to stop doing that because it provokes you? or you could just ignore any messages that aren’t strictly coparenting related? It’s tough I know

[AnotherStatistic]

I can relate to a lot of these posts. My ex lulls me into a false sense of security by being friendly for a while, but then she suddenly starts to be aggressive and prompt an argument- it’s a strange pattern of behaviour.

I try to keep contact to a minimum and avoid rising to the bait when she’s trying to cause conflict. But as you say, being the bigger person isn’t always easy!

[AnotherStatistic]

I’m a few months in too, and I agree with purple peach – a lot of the initial pain is related to shock.  From there, you go through lots of different phases, each one a little easier than the last. Occasionally there will be a big moment that takes you back a few steps, but you’ll cope. There are things I deal with now that would have been unthinkable in the first few weeks. You’ll be ok. I promise.

[AnotherStatistic]

Hi. Your situation sounds similar to mine and many others – you’re not alone and can do this. Unlike many of us, you’ve got the kids full time which is a blessing but gives you more to juggle. I suggest trying to remember what a privilege it is and be thankful for them.  Getting over your ex will be the hard part – it sounds like she has been very selfish. It will get easier with time.

[AnotherStatistic]

Hi. I’ve been doing it for about 6 months with my ex wife while we sell the house and find new homes etc. We’ve tried to avoid contact around the house and choreograph our movements, which has been like a game of pacman! It has given the kids time to get used to the idea of separation but overall has not been a pleasant experience – especially having to witness your ex’s new life play out in front of you. Personally, I would have taken a different approach if circumstances allowed, but needs must.

[AnotherStatistic]

Hey broken – it’s very tough I know. I’m 6 months in, and have just taken my girls away for the Easter break. We had a lovely time, but seeing ‘complete’ and close families all around us really brought me down at times. Mummyof3girlies has said what I would say –  distract yourself as much as possible by filling your diary. Plan days put and trips away with friends, family or on your own. Always having something to look forward to really helps.

[AnotherStatistic]

I wouldn’t say I’m completely managing Mandy. I still have very bad days. It’s just that I remember those first few weeks being unbearable, so I feel for you, and want to emphasise that it does get a little bit easier, day by day.

[AnotherStatistic]

The same thing happened to me about 6 months ago. The first few weeks are the hardest. It will get easier. Unfortunately, I’ve had to stay in the same house as my ex while we sort out new places to live. I’ve just watched her leave the house dressed provocatively while she goes on a wild weekend. And the pain is nowhere near as bad as those first few weeks. You adapt to a new way of life.

[AnotherStatistic]

I can sympathise – it’s a painful situation. To help you look on the brightside, I can tell you that it’s even worse to actually still be living with your ex. We split up about 5 months ago and are still in the same house with the kids, while we sort out new places to live (long story). Although I don’t have feelings for my wife anymore, it’s a torturous situation. Hopefully, being in separate houses will help you to move on more quickly.

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