[Newmum84]

Hi Blueeyes321

Well done for cutting ties finally. Walking away from someone you love is extremely hard. Often the right choices are the hardest and that can leave you wondering if you made the right choice. You 100% have made the right choice to cut ties. It sounds cliche but time is a healer. When I cut ties with my narcissistic partner (my sons dad) , I was recommended ‘Talkworks’ which is a free NHS counselling service that I had never heard of before. This is something which I’m sure would help you. I understand absolutely how overwhelmed and lonely you must be feeling. But you aren’t alone in how you feel I promise. You’ll feel like every day life is impossible right now but it’s not impossible. . . it’s just very hard at the moment. It’s temporary. Other advice I have been given on this forum is to try and do something nice for yourself where you can, even if it’s something small and I found this advice helpful and I hope you do too. Stay as strong as you can, you’ve got this!  XXX

[Newmum84]

Hi RoshniStar

Thank you so much, your advice and words are most appreciated 🙂

A friend has recommended ‘Talkworks’ to me and also speaking to my GP. Since voicing my feelings on Gingerbread forum I have felt (touch wood) more at ease but I fear this could be temporary!  Either way, should my mind begin to race again, I will be in touch with one of the above. And just knowing there is help and support has eased my mind too I think.

I will focus on a plan to help me through the tough times. I’ve made a few changes already but I love the idea of a schedule too. It’s a great idea. I hope it’s helped you, it sounds like it is helping. I think i’ve suppressed a lot of feelings too which hasn’t helped me.

I failed to mention that whilst I’m feeling how I’ve been feeling, my sons dad has been with his new partner for a number of years and she has a son who’s of similar age to our son. She has never reached out to me, I can only imagine he’s told her only half truths. I will never get my head around how my son’s dad can play ‘father’ to another persons son whilst choosing not see his own son . . his partner posts videos of them on social media and it has broken me in the past. It still does to be honest and I try not to look at what she posts but I can’t help it sometimes 🙁

It’s all added to my hurt and frustration.

[Newmum84]

Thank you 🙂 I’m ok thank you. Friday nights are hard for me but I’m good thank you for asking. I have play dates planned this week end x

[Newmum84]

Thank you so much to you all, I’ve felt a lot better since voicing how I’ve been feeling and reading your posts. It’s taken me a long time to adjust to being a single mum I think  (I’m sure that’s the same for others)  xx

[Newmum84]

Hi Aysha, thank you so much for your kind words, I will take on board everything you have said. Very helpful suggestions. It really can be overwhelming. I feel more overwhelmed and ‘stuck’ than I ever have for some reason and I’m not sure why. I am more engaged with my son than I used to be though so that’s a good thing, just feel a little lost in myself currently. My son is at a demanding age too and I think this is playing a part! Argh it’s just all a bit hard atm but thank you for helping me to see there is light at the end of this tunnel 😊 Xxx

 

[Newmum84]

Thank you so much ☺️ I will try this and with Spring around the corner, a walk will be more inviting. It’s been hard with the cold weather recently. I’ll just feel hurt for a while I think having to do this alone whilst his dad is able to just walk away. It’s unfair x

[Newmum84]

Hi Olivia

I feel the same! I’m a single mum and my son is 3 and a half and I’m slowly building myself up to start dating, I’ve joined Tinder too. But honestly, I would rather meet someone organically. I’ve got to the point where I’m not looking for a partner as such but if it happens, it happens. It can get soooo lonely. You aren’t alone in your thoughts! X

[Newmum84]

Hi Charlotte

I know the feeling! My child’s father is £5000 in arrears. I’ve managed to receive £5000 in total since our child’s birth, but nothing since last year.
Have they enforced bayliffs atall? It’s so frustrating having to deal with it all. X

[Newmum84]

Hi Katie, where are you based?

[Newmum84]

Hi Panda

I’m so sorry to hear this. You’re not alone in having an extremely selfish ex. My son is 3 and I made a claim through CMS after I had had enough of my unreliable and selfish ex. I was amazed they were able to collect any money from him especially as he is self employed, but so far I have received a fair amount. Although I am wondering if he will pull a fast one at some stage because he is fuming about money being taken from him.

I thought CMS were really cracking down on payments but yes they do atleast require a home address from what I’ve learned.

Your ex can’t travel forever, have you tried re opening the case? Or taking things higher? It seems so unfair and selfish. I honestly can’t get over how my ex behaved. I know a few single mums who don’t claim through CMS for fear of how their ex will react or they think they won’t receive anything / too much hassle. It’s the least these ‘men’ can do I think! Xxx

[Newmum84]

Hello RUT. My son is also 3. Where are you based?

[Newmum84]

Hello

I’m in a similar situation to you and also feel lonely often! My son has just turned 3 and I live opposite my parents who are an amazing support but like you I haven’t made getting a partner a priority because it’s hard and anyone I’ve dated recently has actually put me off dating for a while. It’s so lonely sometimes but I think this age can be so demanding.

Where do you live? Xx

[Newmum84]

Hello!

I can relate! I am from Southwest England and would be open to meeting up 🙂

Lucy xx

[Newmum84]

Hello LeaCB.

Gosh most of what you describe rings true to my own experience three years ago. (My son is three years old today!). His dad – who I have known for over 20 years!! – became two different people once I became pregnant in 2020 and I ended up eventually cutting things off between me and him when baby was 7 months old but I also stated that he could still see our son as long as he saw him through his step mum and his dad (who have been amazing throughout everything). I had to set a boundary, I was becoming sick from the stress of his behaviour. My son’s dad has not seen his son for over two years now, not even through his parents. No effort has been made on his part. No cards, no gifts, no (voluntary) money.  CMS are now also involved and have been very helpful.

For me, the rejection has honestly never truly left me. . . however, the pain of rejection has become less over the years. Especially in the last few months. It takes time to truly heal. I cried ALOT for around the first year of his dad’s absence. And my advice is to do just that – do not bottle things up, don’t suppress your emotions, cry when you feel like crying, allow yourself to feel angry. Talk to your support network. You might feel like you won’t ever feel like yourself again or happy but I promise you, you will! It just takes time. As the post before mine suggested, take one day at a time, don’t think too far ahead, you are naturally going to think about your babies dad and that’s ok and extremely normal. You will be very busy with baby too and that will help you to focus on the day to day life with a newborn and over time, think less negative thoughts about the situation with the dad.

At this point with your babies dad, some firm boundaries need to be set so you can heal. Focus on you and your babies health, one day at a time.

Xxxx

 

[Newmum84]

Hi Rachele14. Good for you and how exciting! My son is 2 (and a half) and although I did not go through an IVF process, I have raised my son alone (not by choice originally I’ll add) but never the less I have lots of tips on being a solo parent so please feel free to message me at any time. Xxx

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