[Liane 245]

HMCS have a firm finder.

There quite straightforward and many courts now off a support through court service.

I think a C1 and C2 form in family law begins proceedings then you can ask for cafcass to be appointed or a parenting plan arranged.

Good luck

[Liane 245]

So hey. Your not alone. Trauma from seperation is sooooo real.

When I eventually got my home after the women’s refuge I was hit up with excessive financial debts. He could not be traced so I had to

*Manage the care and contact arrangements for my children

*Furnish and decorate my new home

* Work

* Try and make friends.

Domestic violence isn’t always two people and a boxing match.

Domestic violence can include a huge amount of people and when your trying to develop yourself and your family these people are often unwelcome presences.

The women’s refuge placed me in a block of 7 self contained flats/apartments.

I’m on the ground floor.

Last week my neighbour decided to invite herself into my home whilst I and my male friend of 2 and half years were planning to relax. She excessively flirted and was a bit over friendly to the point I had to ask her to leave. My male friend played into and up to her and they ******.

When I was with my children’s father despite the one on one psychotic fights there was groups and individuals who also dug for the rise in me. E.g after working a 12 hour shift coming home to beer, cocaine and girls on laps etc.

Trauma is continus and until you find the strength, isolation or solidarity to manoeuvre this trauma it will make you ill.

At present my doctors have concerns regarding me having low blood pressure. I have been doing keto dieting and drinking lots of soya milk.

How can I escape this girl who has no respect for privacy or other people’s relationships.

My best way of escaping the emotional seperation trauma was to not have a telly in my bedroom which meant I’d always get up and then pens and paper to write down budgets and lists ensuring I focus each day on getting things done.

I later found affirmations, meditation and yoga which all help.

[Liane 245]

You sound cool and like your doing a great job by your son.

My niece has tortilicotis and has recently just had an operation which has meant she is in a neck brace until after the holidays.

She loves swimming and has won medals.

Does your son swim for a club??

Her neck brace is due off soon but she’s nervous as she’ll have to wear it for the first. few weeks back at school for hen she’ll be in her last year of juniors

[Liane 245]

I’ve added others to the group….

Went through my whole Facebook friend list. Young and old. I tried to avoid the ‘married’ lot but totally sent some school girl requests out……

Men nowadays 🫣

Tbc……

[Liane 245]

You tubes great. Arts and crafts. I’m currently doing a painting by numbers from Hobbycraft they had a sale on so it was about a fiver.

Charity shops. Jigsaw puzzles, musical instruments.

Or getting back to the you tube exercise videos.

If his happy just chilling in the holidays then be content his fine. Babysitters, his 13 so can he cook for himself?? What type of 13 year old is he, could you trust him to be left alone???

[Liane 245]

Yes. I have indirect letterbox contact.

It works for keeping the communication channels open.

If direct contact arrangements are too much maybe you could explore the indirect stuff. Zoom phone calls etc…..

[Liane 245]

I have 3 kids that I don’t have enough contact with.

With the older one I guess to be grateful that she has love a support around her whilst she’s pregnant and keep offering those olive branches.

With the younger two see if there’s any local groups. Sometimes volunteer participation at carers groups or patient reference groups can be the instigator not just into socializing but feeling self inspired and motivated to explore those can’t be bothered avenues.

Good luck on becoming a nanny and go shopping….she’s going to pop back home at some stage ☺️

[Liane 245]

I don’t know if this is advice or empathy but I guess my sitation was a bit similar.

I was in a volatile relationship with my 3 children’s father to the point of being placed in a women’s refuge.

We shut doors on each other and walked away.

We’ve been seperated officially for about ten years now.

Sometimes relationships need space, time and distance to allow the people in them to breathe. When a relationship is pressured by one or the other it hurts for both. This hurts needs to be treated like a wound. Air, antiseptic cream and a good plaster before looking at it again maybe from a different angle or in a new light.

It’s good your here and hopefully you’ll find support from the gingerbread family that is right for you and your future relationships with your children and spouse.

My kids are teenagers now and I’m in the process of trying to build bridges with them.

Through the want of that I approached the charity missing so my conversation with my children about there father doesn’t have to be short and complicated but I can say I tried, and maybe it’ll be different for you.

 

[Liane 245]

I have a ‘summer’ book that I take to the park or beach called kiss the sunset pig.

It’s about a girl on a road trip. She meets some real characters along the way.

I’ve just bought shuggie bain from Amazon I’m struggling to get into tbh but maybe this week will be the one.

[Liane 245]

The freedom program is designed to help recognise signs of toxicity.

I did this whilst in a refuge.

Don’t have a telly in your bedroom. Being newly separated I slept on my sofa but the only thing that got me out of bed was having to put my telly on.

I’ve been seperated/ single nearly 15 years now and places like the library and citizens advice are great for support and advice.

A nice big writing pad and biro pens. Writing, budgeting, keeping notes or doodles…..

 

[Liane 245]

I believe theres wellbeing groups every so often….

[Liane 245]

We went through family court assessments.

He did brilliantly mine made me sound like a deadbeat.

But we also had to participate in parenting assessments which concluded that the relationship showed low emotional warmth and high levels of criticism which impacted on our parenting capabilities.

We separated approximately 15 years ago. I went to a refuge he moved back to his parents and couldn’t be traced for his financial commitments within the relationship.

This left me with excessive debt and I had to pay into a debt management plan.

He was reported missing to the police in 2014 and more recently his first child’s mum said he has now found god?!?!

They’ll be looking at drug use, awareness and potential capabilities. They also like to check your support networks so you can always request a family group conference.

[Liane 245]

Arrrrr I like the loved unconditionally part….

Sounds awesome. Good luck 🍀

[Liane 245]

Evening all. This is a round for me.

I was here then explored setting up a group done a few singles events and found a friendly group online.

Lost me job so am back having a little fondle before spreading my wings again…..maybe.

There’s a few groups over my way now so I’ll walk the slow path…..

[Liane 245]

There’s a socialist meeting in my area this week. I was thinking conservatives as there’s been mention of the agricultural industry but the interview the other night with starmer and shunik made me read very carefully the panflets coming through my door….

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