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  • #57174 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    I think I would agree with Steve regarding the fact you can’t make a parent provide care for their children however, there is potential to apply for a revision of the CAO on the basis that the other parent is not able to fulfil their responsibility. The position would be that this has a detrimental impact on your ability to plan life (?work commitments), plus the disappointment that the children might face from being let down so frequently (emotional harm). They may consider reducing contact commitments to something the other parent is able to manage.

    #57128 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Dancing wolf,

    In my own experience as having gone through a similar journey, you don’t need a solicitor at this point. I’d suggest you save the money.  The £1000’s will clock up quickly and this forum will provide a great source of information to prepare yourself for the hearings which will be brief. You’re simply asking the court to recover your child and place her back in your care, the Prohibited steps order (pso) will stop the family from removing her again once returned. It’s got a time limitation on it usually as then the family are likely to request access rights and that might be a child arrangements (CAO) which is a different case. The court wouldn’t usually initiate this follow up I don’t feel. You need to get the PSO application submitted urgently though as the longer time goes on, it becomes the new norm for the child as the courts will consider what distress removing her from their care might have. Hope this is clear? I’m not sure what the situation is re mckenzie friends at the moment but google it, and see whether they might be a helpful support for you at this time. It’s much less costly than solicitors

    #56995 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    You have as much right to work as your ex partner and life isn’t free. I feel in this position, personally I would take ownership of the situation if he isn’t offering a solution that would enable you an equal opportunity to work.
    I would suggest you fix the days/nights of contact and on those days, the child(ren) become his responsibility. If he’s not able to personally care for them, then sourcing childcare becomes his responsibility. The children and additional care is your responsibility on days/nights allocated to you. If you offer access to the children on upto 50% of the week, set days, then he’s more likely to approach work if he’s forfeiting the contact he has in preference to working, especially if there are associated childcare costs. If he makes it clear that he won’t be there for the kids at all or starts picking and choosing then make arrangements to cover and seek financial assistance with childcare costs, whether that be tax credits or CmS.
    You have a choice, put up with his behaviour or stop allowing him to control your ability to improve your income. It might sound harsh but surely some consistency for the child(ren) would be good too?

    #56992 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hi Dancing Wolf

    Im sure in this situation you can apply to the family courts for a prohibited steps order to have your child returned immediately. The grandparents or partner have no parental responsibility and as such can not consent legally or make any key decisions regarding your daughter, such as if she needs medical help. I’m not sure what the form number is for the application but should be easy to find online. Alternatively, call your local family court and they will have a customer service department that will be able to assist with the relevant form. It needs to be submitted as a matter of urgency to get things moving.

    #56866 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hi troubled dad

    just take a step back and reflect on what you’ve done. You’ve come into the life of a 4yr old child that’s lived under the care of someone else with its siblings, in a different place for all of its life. This is a big change for your daughter and you too. You don’t have the benefit of being eased into this gradually, ‘growing’ with your child from birth allows to the master parenthood easier I feel, it makes the transition easier. I recall as a child myself that despite seeing my dad alternate weekends, he didn’t grow with me, because he was only present a short proportion of the time. Kids develop, change and grow so quickly.
    I’m conscious that you know this, but parenthood is a rollercoaster. It sounds like you’re invested in this relationship which is admirable as you didn’t know she existed. Kids need to know from us that we’re dependable, and whatever happens, we’ll be there. Your daughter at such a young age has experienced the loss of one parent, her siblings and her home as she knew it. Please be patient with her. At 4yrs old they like structure and routine. Most kids like to know what’s coming next and they’re learning that they can influence the actions and environment around them. She’s still very young. Try not to dwell on the difficult times unless they become a regular problem then these can be dealt with appropriately. Don’t lose perspective

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