[Concerned101]

You have to attempt mediation, but that does not mean that you have to have had it.

You need to engage a mediation service, the first session is separate and the mediator assesses if your case is suitable.

You can then ask for the MIAM certificate which is what is required to make an application to the family court.

My solicitor strongly advised against mediation as it was clear that it would not work

[Concerned101]

Be very careful with mediation – especially with somebody who won’t mediate.  The courts will want to preserve the status quo, which can move from 50:50 to the new ‘normal’ while you attempt to do the right thing and mediate. The result being that they enforce an unequal split which she created.

It’s very expensive but the best option would be via the courts especially if you think there is no chance that the other person would compromise due to financial incentives.

I was in a very similar position and had to go to court. Mediation would never have worked.

[Concerned101]

sorry formatting messed up
I have recently had a similar experience.

Contact the benefits office and ask to make a counter claim,
they will send each of you a CBO -Rival Claims form.  This asks for information regarding:

The pattern of where the children sleep each night of the
week 1 and week 2

If there is a court order in place

Which persons address is on the children’s medical record

Who is registered as first contact with the school

Where the children keep there personal possessions

Where they normally go if they are ill

They asked to send copies of court orders and letters providing
proof of the above.

I added in a covering letter outlining in more depth the
nature of each persons contribution.

 

The outcome was because the court order was a 50:50 split, each
of us was awarded the child benefit of one of our two children.This was despite the fact that my ex does not
contribute to any of the children’s expenses in the form of out of school
clubs, activities (even when occurring in their time) or joint items such as school uniforms, shoes
etc.

If you have a written agreement for 50:50 then I expect that
they will find in your favour.
I discussed with the CMS and they advised me that if care is 50:50 and each person is in receipt of CB then maintenance would not apply
Good Luck

 

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by GingerbreadLena. Reason: Formatting problem

[Concerned101]

I have recently had a similar experience.

Contact the benefits office and ask to make a counter claim, they will send each of you a CBO -Rival Claims form.  This asks for information regarding:

<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>The pattern of where the children sleep each night of the week 1 and week 2
<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>If there is a court order in place
<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>Which persons address is on the children’s medical record
<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>Who is registered as first contact with the school
<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>Where the children keep there personal possessions
<li class=”MsoListParagraphCxSpLast” style=”text-indent: -18.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;”><!– [if !supportLists]–><span style=”font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;”>·<span style=”font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>       </span></span><!–[endif]–>Where they normally go if they are ill
<li class=”MsoNormal”>They asked to send copies of court orders and letters providing proof of the above.

I added in a covering letter outlining in more depth the nature of each persons contribution.

The outcome was because the court order was a 50:50 split, each of us was awarded the child benefit of one of our two children.  This was despite the fact that my ex does not contribute to any of the children’s expenses in the form of out of school clubs, activities (even when occurring in their time)  or joint items such as school uniforms, shoes etc.

<span style=”font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: ‘Calibri’,sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: ‘Times New Roman’; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;”>If you have a written agreement for 50:50 then I expect that they will find in your favour.</span>

I had a discussion with CMS and they advised me that if 50:50 and if each person was in receipt of CB then maintenance would not apply

Good luck

[Concerned101]

The divorce process is meant to be non fault.  The spit will mostly depend upon the  ongoing ability of each party to support themselves.  So if your pardners income goes down it will effect you.  Mine claimed that the recovery from alcohol was so difficult that they got the majority of our assets, even though I support and care for our children.  And then claimed the opposite in the family court.

The only way to solve an abusive relationship is to escape.  It wont be easy or pleasant but it is worth it.   Good luck

[Concerned101]

If you do this, then you will likely be in trouble when you partner takes you to court.

My ex had supervised visits for a while after being attested for drink driving at school. Social services later concluded that they could have unsupervised contact.

Stopping contact could be viewed as you committing parental alienation, which would be seriously held against you.

The courts will go to great lengths to promote contact with both parents.

[Concerned101]

Its not about you and what you want.  Its about what is right for the children.

There is no reason why a Mother (or a Farther) should just expect to have more than 50% especially if the children wish for equal time with both parents.  There maybe very good and valid reasons as to why a 50:50 is not valid, but just because you want more is not one of them.

If you appear to be unreasonable you will only push your daughter away.

[Concerned101]

Depends upon lots of factors- Are you married and for how long, how  much  you both earn and what is the split in the childcare for each of you?

With me things were very amicable until lawyers become involved and then everything changed. Mediation is much better, but often if both parties could communicate and compromise people wouldn’t get divorced.

[Author]

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