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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • #64262 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hiya,

    I separated from my ex 6 months ago with a baby 11 months old. I am not sure if I can advise how to get over it but I have been having therapy to help me deal with the abuse and understand what happened and protect myself for the future. It has helped me know my worth and also heal or at least come to terms with the emotional manipulation, verbal and physical abuse. In terms of child contact your ex needs to prove himself and this will have to be done over a long period of time. I have no doubt he will be holding it together through supervised contact but over time his behaviour may slip. I recommend keeping a diary/ log of everything including your daughters behaviour and any changes. If you have any concerns for her welfare regarding contact you have children a services to support you. I don’t think you ever can forgive someone for abuse it is more about accepting it happened and not blaming yourself for it. Have you made a referral to your local DV services as they may be able to help with coping & emotional support.

    #64089 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hiya, have you checked universal credit entitlements as you may be able to claim up to 85% off your childcare bill.

    #63828 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Sorry I didn’t finish the message. My partner left when my baby was 4 months and he is now 10 months and I still wouldn’t agree to overnights.

    #63827 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    My advice is don’t agree anything yet until the baby is here and see how you feel.

    #62950 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    So I would say that if he wants a relationship he needs to build that relationship by regular short visits whilst your baby is young & then go for there.

    Contact is on your terms and doesn’t mean he has your baby unsupervised. So for now until he has a close relationship & can be trusted keep contact supervised and safe for you and your baby.

    A piece of advice if you haven’t registered your baby don’t put him on the birth certificate if you want to be in control on how contact goes.

    #62949 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hey sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    So he sounds like he just wants what he wants and when it doesn’t always work for you he blames you.

     

    As he is now trying to use contact to get what he wants my recommendation is to maintain your boundaries and if he doesn’t want to see your child that is on him. Document it all so you have it as evidence.

    I would also seek support from your local DV service as he is still trying to assert his control on you and using contact arrangements to do that. This will both help with you emotionally and practically moving forward if you get assigned a case worker.

    #62781 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    I haven’t returned to work yet but dreading it after maternity leave. After having a year with my baby I have realised how precious life is and time flys by so fast. I don’t think you are a failure for thinking like this. It sounds like you know yourself and what makes you happy. Have you explored the idea of part time work instead of full time?

    #62780 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hey Simon, I’m in Portsmouth and would definitely like a group to be set up!!

    #61944 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hiya, so this behaviour does sound very psychopathic & narcissistic. I had this experience with my ex and he left us when our baby was 4 month. From your message it sounds like you are focusing on his irrational behaviour & wanting more from him, however I would maybe suggest you look at the fact you are not getting what you want from him so maybe plan your future without him & what is best for you and your new baby. If he turns a corner and starts stepping up as a father that is a positive, but at least you have prepared yourself for him to not be a part of your future. Is he on the birth certificate?

    #61625 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hey!

    I think you are being completely reasonable and it’s not about what you ask him to support you with it’s about listening to you and working with you as a team to make life easier for both of you.

    Don’t doubt your decision, your arguments wouldn’t be present if he was there to listen and meet you in the middle.

    My partner left after 4 months of having our baby and although it was a shock and I had to come to terms with having to do everything on my own anyway, it was the best thing. As soon as I had got my head around it I felt free. Have no knowone around you to support kinda makes you accept you just do it all and most importantly your way. My baby & I are so much calmer and happier with no hostility around us and we can do life the way we want.

    Feel free to DM for any advise on emotional or practical support for what will be your amazing journey ahead.

    #61624 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Thank you for confirming this ☺️

    #60883 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Hey thank you so much 😊

    #60073 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    @lulu989 I am in a very similar position to you. My baby was born in February & my partner left 4 months later because he wasn’t happy! A few months on I have really focused my energy on on & my baby and day to day prioritised what is best for me to be the best mum to my son. I have dictated the plan for visitations for my ex and it is around my life & what is right for our baby. Fire away any questions as I may be a few months ahead of you ☺️

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)