[Yamaha]

Hi Maw2be,

Have CMS taken the other 2 children that live with you into account for their calculations? There is nothing can be done regarding the other person’s work ethic and morals, you can only do the best you can for your daughter

[Yamaha]

I just want to add that you sound like a brilliant dad doing his best for a child with additional needs. Most likely he will be living with you into adulthood too so this move is a long term investment for you both.

[Yamaha]

Ben having an autistic child is very challenging and many don’t understand those challenges. I have a family member with a child with autism, he is 12 and is non verbal, it is a full time job and very draining.

My advice is to just tell her and try to come to some arrangement to see the other 2 regularly and over school holidays. If she is explosive like you say then it’ll take her a while to calm down but at least you know this and are expecting it, and probably a solicitors letter threat thrown in. I don’t see how she can stop you moving, you’re still in the same country and as you said it’s for selfish reasons – she doesn’t want to see your boy anyway and isn’t helping whatsoever with looking after him. Be prepared to have to do the driving, maybe she will be helpful in this regard but you won’t know any of this until you have the discussion. Best wishes

[Yamaha]

I’d suggest reporting to the police. The threats and violence need to stop for yourself and also your children

[Yamaha]

Hiya if 50/50 split then there is no child maintenance to pay for either parent as costs and care are split 50%. You could claim for child benefit when you move out as you’ll be entitled to this now that the higher earner isn’t living with you anymore. £90k would have been over the threshold to claim. It’s now £100 or so every 4 weeks for the first child and about £68 for second child which is a big help and goes a long way. Something to look into if you haven’t already x

[Yamaha]

Hi footballnut,

I understand how hurt you must be feeling. Unfortunately it sounds like she had still some feelings for her ex that she didn’t get over. Despite the 2 of you getting on well and planning for the future. It’s disappointing but you just have to keep looking forward. Easier said than done I know. Take care of yourself

[Yamaha]

Good luck! Wishing you all the best

[Yamaha]

Hi there, you absolutely should not be paying any child maintenance if your son lives with you the majority of the time. The mother should be paying you.

I’m afraid that the system is rather biased and child maintenance believes the females over the males. Hopefully you can have contacted the helpline provided and got some advice? Keep fighting and when you do manage to get it changed that you are RECEIVING child maintenance, fight to get it backdated to when you’ve submitted your MR stating that.

There should be harsh penalties for those that lie. She’s effectively committing fraud and taking money from you that you need to use on your child.

[Yamaha]

No, it’s based on his income only

[Yamaha]

Evening all, has anyone any experience with this?

[Yamaha]

Hi, I would definitely appeal – seems strange to have it reduced when it was in place already. Unfortunately it will be more legal fees. Very unjust but I know. The system rules in favour of women and the CMS and I won’t have anyone tell me otherwise because all the men I know that have went through this have been treated horrendously by the courts and the cms. The 52 nights is very specific because that’s the threshold for a child maintenance payment change. Very convenient!

[Yamaha]

Doesn’t seem right when CM is meant to be for basic neccessities such as a roof over their heads and then you are paying again by paying the mortgage in full. Ring CMS and ask to ‘apply for a special expenses variation’ as you are still paying the mortgage in full for a home your ex and children still live in.

Failing that I would seek legal advice, you can’t pay a full mortgage, full CM, you need money for yourself too. It’s honestly all so corrupt and I feel for you. I’m in it too. Keep trying

[Yamaha]

Hi there. Does your ex and child/children still live in the house you are paying the mortgage on? If so, the CSA should be taking that into consideration with your payments

[Yamaha]

Hi dandalton,

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I will send you a PM.

[Yamaha]

Coercive control is domestic abuse – assuming it’s via your ex. I hope you are getting the support that you need to help you through this. It’s terrible that you are having to go through this to see your own children. All the best

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