[Tiredtimekeeper]

Hi

Thank you for your reply. Yeah he’s trying to make it 10 nights. To me it seems pretty simple to understand but he reckons he’s spoken to a solicitor who backs him!

I’m not using my solicitor anymore as she was awful but I will see how it pans out and perhaps end up back in court as there’s other things he’s now arguing two years after!! Not that I have the energy to do it either I just want to not have some ranting email from him every week.

 

[Tiredtimekeeper]

Hi,

I don’t really have much advice but I do have experience.

I had a Co tact order put in place two years ago my children were 5 and 4 at the time. My ex wanted phone contact in the order. Every tue and thur at 1800. I didn’t really think it through properly and wanted to seem accommodating to the judge as my ex had calmed his domestic abuse down by then and lulled me into thinking we could be amicable once an order was in place…. How silly I was.

Ever since he has threatened me repeatedly if I can’t stick to those times… It made us a prisoner to our home for those times.  The kids started not wanting to talk to him and would cry during and after the call because they didn’t want to do it but didn’t want to make him angry and my son didn’t want him to treat him like he treats his sister (shuts her in her room for long periods of time when she’s upset about anything)

The kids then started after school clubs and the calls had to end or change and it was such a nightmare with multiple threats despite me offering alternative times. And with things like swimming lessons when they move up a class the days and times change so they inevitably eventually went over the times he had on contact order.

He plainly used it to control us. He’s finally agreed to once a week now on a Wednesday but if the kids don’t want to answer or we are out I get messages reminding me of my obligation and threats to return to court. I have questioned removing them but solicitors deemed it not worth it. I wish they’d never been put in place. More over I tried explaining to him that kids don’t want to to talk when they’re made to talk at a set time…. Let them choose when to talk and they’ll be really chatty!!

Please think very carefully about putting anything in an order about this.

[Tiredtimekeeper]

I think the Greece example is completely different to the others.

If the parent who the children lives with moves the children away from the father then I can understand the frustration with the travel costs.

But when the other parent deliberately moves away out of choice…. Then decides to claim fuel costs to continue seeing their children this is wrong in my eyes. They should factor this cost in when deciding where to move… This should not come out of the childrens pockets.

I liken it to charging my children to drive them to their after school clubs!! I wouldn’t do it… I do this for my children because I love them.

[Tiredtimekeeper]

This is crazy isn’t it.

I have the same on a much smaller scale though.

My ex moved 80 miles away out of choice (and was commuting this distance for work every day anyway) he has our kids every other weekend and then claimed variation for travel expenses and got £60 off every month for this!! I can’t believe he even had the front to do it. Then he bought a brand new tesla electric car and continued to claim the fuel off…. It took me 18 months of fighting, photos and eventually my local pms involvement to finally get this removed as it doesn’t cost enough to be worth taking off the claim with the electric car. I have ofcourse had a huge back lash off him for it in abuse and he has refused to pay anything towards the arrears he owes me for the 18 months… The mad thing is the cms won’t even tell me the arrears in total and said he has until the case is closed to pay any!!

He’s just had another son and claims money off for that too which blows my mind as well… As if a new child makes the existing ones any cheaper to care for?!?!?!

The maintenance system is so so floored.

But just as a little pre warning now he doesn’t get his fuel money he’s insisting I do half the journeys!!!! And I’ve checked with a solicitor and apparently a court would rule that too even though he chose to move. It makes me so mad… The kids don’t even want to go there to add insult to injury!!

I just try to remember the long game… Unfortunately for him the kids will know in the end that he didn’t even warrant them worthy enough for him to pay out some fuel to see them or bother driving. They won’t be silly…. The truth comes out and judgement will be made. Just sit what that knowledge and wait x

[Author]

Posts