[Survival]

Hi,

No you don’t need to contact him the other days.

He is using your child to control you and to have an excuse to contact you.

This will be highly triggering for you.

Can you get in touch with whoever confirmed you should contact him  2 weekly at the weekend and explain he is demanding daily contact which is unreasonable.

They may suggest an app where contact is made via that instead of phone contact.

Or, you buy a cheap phone that you only use to have the contact with ex on, then block him from your other number.

The harassment is still carrying on via the daily phone contact.

I was in a similar position to you, stalking etc..

At the moment, dad has no contact as decided by SS. I would find it highly triggering to make daily contact with him about our children.

[Survival]

Hi GemRen,

Thank-you for your post.

I use Womensaid for support,  and my solicitor is trained in domestic abuse and she volunteers for a charity that is to do with domestic abuse.

You are right, it is a form of keeping control.

He had to control me, then when we split, he used the children to control me still, until his contact with them was stopped.

I have a lot of support but my solicitor did warn me that he will drag me through court and I could take years.

[Survival]

Hi Tracy72

It will have been a shock to you, and you would have needed time to adjust.

It’s normal to feel the way you do.

Are there any social media platforms you can join to make friends?

Any groups in your local area?

Yoga, pilates,  walking groups.

What about your local church?

I bet they are always happy to get new volunteers.

I bet you wouldn’t even need to be religious.

I’ve been out of an abusive relationship for 7 months, it was quite a shock too.

Even though I ended it, it was still upsetting.

We were together a similar amount of time as you and your husband.

 

[Survival]

Hi,

Because the house is solely in your name, you have rights to get him to leave.

Can you speak to the housing association for advice on how to go about this?

[Survival]

Good luck 👍

[Survival]

Hi,

Look into an occupation order.
You can apply for free.
You put in the application the reason why you want to stay in the home, and your husband move out.
It then gets decided by the courts.

[Survival]

Hi,

I think the way to go about it would be a child arrangement order.

This order goes to court, and gets decided by a judge.

I believe it costs £250 to make an application.

There is no guarantee that the judge would agree to your wishes.

Are you able to get some legal advice?

Most solicitors offer 30 minutes for free.

 

[Survival]

Thanks Rainbowunicorn,

It’s challenging having everything hanging over us.

If he didn’t contest things, we would be on the way to sorting child arrangements and the mortgage by now.

As it is, we are no further along even with 3 court hearings.

It can’t be any good for him either, he can’t move on with his life either xx

[Survival]

Hi NeverGiveup, 

 

I sent you a PM about this.

We haven’t even go as far as child arrangements case yet.

We were never married so not a divorce case.

SS are involved due to domestic abuse.

Not had any dealings with CAFFCASS yet.

 

[Survival]

Thank you GingerbreadHelen.

 

I will give the helpline a call.

I have very supportive family and friends fortunately.

I also have a talk therapy booked for next week.

I’m hoping that will be beneficial.

We were together for more than 20 years, and was abusive.

It has taken a toll as unfortunately the abuse ramped up after relationship ended, which is common as they hate the loss of control.

There has been police involvement on a few occasions.

[Survival]

Hi Tamara,

I understand how hard it is.

You are doing a great job, it’s a big responsibility having a little one totally dependent on you.

Take bits of time for yourself where possible,  just reading a book or going for a bubble bath when little one is asleep.

I’m sole parent to my 2 boys, and full time working.

It’s really hard work, not enough hours in the day.

I’ve just started reading again and started up a fitness regime I can do from home in the evenings.

I always thought I was too busy to exercise, but I’ve managed to fit it in.

I also cycle to work and back, 20 minutes both ways.

This makes me feel really good mentally.

 

[Author]

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