[Sunny]

Yes, I’m exactly the same! It’s like you’re describing me and my situation! My ex is a narcissist as well but I didn’t realise it wasn’t normal behaviour as I never questioned it or discussed our marriage with anyone else. As soon as I did, people were like wtf? But I didn’t want to end the marriage because of the kids. It’s done now though and he’s just impossible. But divorcing a narcissist is supposed to be awful, but you’ll get through it – we both will. It’ll be better afterwards.

I also want nothing more to do with my ex but he’s insisting on 50/50 custody, my solicitor says it’s because he doesn’t want to pay maintenance etc. We won’t be able to co-parent as he’s such a bully if I don’t agree with him so I’m insisting on parallel parenting instead. I hope you are able to figure out a way forward xx

[Sunny]

Hi, I’m so sorry. It takes a while to get your head together and adjust doesn’t it? Then it’s time to find a way forward. It helps if you’re not still emotionally attached though – I hope you’re not after what he’s done to you! Easier said than done though.

I was with my ex for 22 years and we’re starting the divorce process, but still living together.

I was grieving for the loss of the relationship for about a year after it fell apart and now I just feel sadness that I wasted so many years investing so much effort in the wrong person. Also fury at the way he’s behaving during the divorce. Any attachment I still felt has vanished since we started this process though so I guess that’s a bonus!

Always happy to chat as I know how difficult it is being alone after such a long time xx

[Sunny]

Yes we’ve done something similar for the past year. It’s been awful, increasingly so. We started out fairly amicable but now things are so bad, I can’t bear to be anywhere near him or even speak to him.

We parent really differently now we’re not together so even watching him with the children irritates me, especially if he tries to get me to back him up over something I disagree with.

It’s such a minefield but it took a while for it to not work. I assumed it would be awful straight away and if it wasn’t then we’d be fine, but that wasn’t the case. We’re not even dating others yet, we just disagree about every. single. thing. It’s exhausting.

We should have sold the house last year and moved on with our separate lives as soon as we could. We’d be in a better place and be better co-parents if we had.

I hope you can make it work x

[Sunny]

Hi, I’m getting divorced, so not alone yet. But still living in a house with my ex when we’re not speaking is pretty lonely. I find myself sometimes looking to my children for company which isn’t easy with one being a teenager who vanishes at every opportunity!

What do you do to keep yourself busy away from the children? Do you have any time to yourself with 3?  I’ve found that I think of myself just as a wife and mother now – there isn’t anything left of myself as an individual anymore. That needs fixing. It must be incredibly common, perhaps more for women than for men.  My ex seems so much “more” than me. If that makes sense.

Living in Wimbledon, did you get to see any tennis this year? I went in for the ballot but didn’t get anything so will try again next year.

[Sunny]

Very similar here as well. Separated a year ago and we’re still together in the same house as we can’t figure out how to separate our finances. It’s such a mess.

I will say though, that we should have made more effort to split much earlier. We spent a year trying to save the marriage and went from being friends in the beginning, to basically me wanting zero contact with him from now on. It’s been incredibly toxic for months.

Please try to find a way through this as soon as you can. If you’re sure things are finished, don’t drag it out. It’s the worst thing I think I’ve ever done.

Always happy to chat as it’s such a lonely time xx

[Sunny]

Very similar here. 22 year relationship since I was a teenager, 2 children and things recently haven’t worked out. The whole thing is incredibly strange and upsetting and I almost can’t work it all out. He’s certainly moved on though as he doesn’t seem bothered at all whilst I’m just devastated – I think this is the worst part actually as I feel so discarded.

Always happy to chat as I’m surrounded by happy marriages here. I thought I was one of them I suppose so perhaps they aren’t as they seem either!

You aren’t alone though, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this xx

[Author]

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