[Sturgcl1]

Hi my lovely, so sorry your going through this.  I’m going to be totally honest as that’s what I needed.

im going to attempt this post from the other side of the fence.  I split with my hubby of 25 years after many rocky years.  I fell out of love with him a very long time ago & it totally messed up my head trying to be a wife to him when I knew I didn’t actually have romantic feelings for him.  I faked everything the best I could for years.  I couldn’t explain why I didn’t love him, everything he did just irritated me.  He became more like a friend or brother to me than a lover.  I felt a massive pit in my stomach daily because of the guilt that I felt.

He then became very depressed & started drinking excessively, got us in a lot of debt & became very controlling so much one day I had the excuse I needed to say enough is enough & kicked him out.

it’s left me in massive debt, lonely & fed up, but it was the right move, he’s found someone else now & whilst I’m jealous he moved on quickly & I can’t find anyone, I’m happy that he’s found someone who can love him when I couldn’t.

your always going to have a connection with the parent of your child, but from his point of view, it’s very hard to get the love back once it’s totally gone.  And you deserve someone who adores you & not settle for someone who just likes you!

alternatively, the separation could be something he needs to sort his head out?  Men are quite like this in my experience & need their space.  It could be that he will become quite lonely during this time & realise how good he had it!.  I would give him the space he needs, and then talk.  How about marriage counselling?  It works extremely well for a lot of people.

Dont take him back because it’s easier tho, marriage is hard & you have to work constantly & if your not both 100% you could end up damaging your relationship by forcing it.

A year down the road I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not sure I ever want to settle down with a man & live together.  All the relationships I know that have lasted well involve one of the 2 working away a lot, or night & day shifts. I honestly think if you spend too much time together it becomes boring & habit!  You never know, he might stay living separate a while & it might be exactly what you guys need to rekindle.  Only time will tell, it’s not all over yet tho, so hang on in there.

sorry for the essay, hope I’ve made sense & hope it turns out good in the end xx

 

[Sturgcl1]

Do sorry to hear 1988 that you are going through this too, it’s not fair like you say, it’s easy for men to move on with their lives as they can do what they want, but I adore my son & atleast I know when he turns out to be an amazing person, that I did that with no help!

it’s pretty lonely being single, so I would encourage you to meet up with friends as often as you can, find other mums groups where you can take the kids along & make the best of a tough situation.

thanks for your message xx

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