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Thank-you GoingItAlone & AnotherStatic for your kind responses.

I am 4 weeks in now & he is moving into a long-term rental property with his mistress. It seems to just be one blow after another. I find it all so heartbreaking & devastating. I want to understand how he thinks what he is doing is the right choice to make, but I also know that I will never understand this.

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Hi Kissy

Thanks for your message. Im not saying we were perfect, we did have things that we were working through but we were working through things & actually in a really good place, or so I thought- obviously his heart was somewhere else.

Since I found out my husbands truth, I do not allow him to come & go as he pleases. The kids are not always up for seeing him when he is on his non-working week but it is very chaotic at the mo, & yes, it does feel like he getting the nice times, while I struggle with the ongoing everyday things. He would still come here nearly every day if I let him, but I just cant cope with it. I know I need to get better at boundaries & it is something I am working really hard on.

happy to chat anytime.

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Yes, I also try to put on a brave face, but unfortunately I cannot help at times but breakdown whilst they are there, especially when we are discussing the most difficult parts of this all, like how to manage meeting daddy’s new girlfriend whom he now lives with after only leaving home a few weeks ago.

Happy for you to message me anytime.

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Hi Lau

You have to do what is right for you, otherwise you can’t be the best version of you for your children.

You should get some advice, as the priority is housing for the children. You may be able to get a mesher order- this is something that I think I need to get advice on. It will give you time to get yourself into a position where alternative accommodation would be possible.

I have 3 children: aged 9, 7 & 5.

Happy to chat anytime.

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Hi Lau

My separation is still very new- just a few weeks, but I am remaining in the marital home, which we both jointly own. I cannot afford to “buy him out”; rent elsewhere or to get another mortgage. I also feel stuck, but I know at the moment this is the only way I can keep an appropriate home for my children.

My husband was coming round to the house almost daily to see the children; however, once the truth came out about his affair & the fact that he had actually left me to be with this woman, I could no longer cope with him coming here all the time. As he has moved in with this other woman, my children have not been happy as yet to go to this caravan where they are living so contact has been for short periods. Yes, it is difficult for the kids, but I am being child-led & taking things at their pace, what they feel comfortable with. This is not your fault. This is his decision & it has consequences. You have to look after yourself.

Happy to chat anytime if you want.

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Its so hard, isnt it. Surrounded by support but still that feeling of loneliness. Im not as productive as BusyBee as yet, still early days for me, but Im trying. You are always enough for your children, even on the bad days. Always happy to chat to anyone, anytime.

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Thank-you Tibbar & Goldenfish for your kind & supportive messages.

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Hi Claire

Yes, I have joined & joined the Zoom call last night. Thanks.

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Hi Damian

Thanks for your message of support. It is just all so raw at the moment. I have never felt this bad in my life.

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Hi GoldenFish

Thanks for your message. I do apologise for the delay in my response, but it turns out you hit the nail on the head, I found out over this weekend that my husband has been having an affair for months & has left me to be with this other woman! It was her husband that informed me. I am still in shock. I did not see this coming & never thought for one second that he would ever consider cheating on me. Devastated is an understatement- completely broken.

Of course, since I found out, there is no more of this coming & going business. It is now arranged times, if the children choose to have/want contact.

I feel ashamed & foolish that this has happened without me having any idea. Things definitely gone from bad to worse.

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Hi JD82

Im struggling to hold it together when im not busy. I love him so much & my heart yearns for him to change his mind, but my gut is telling me that this is the end. These feelings along with the daily contact just leave me in turmoil.

This is all very recent & raw. He told me how he felt last Wednesday & moved out last wkend.

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I don’t want to be used either, & I understand that this may well be the case. But as my heart is still yearning for him, I also don’t want to push him away either. This is my turmoil.

I am preparing myself for this being the end of the line, seeking advice & guidance around practical issues. My world has literally been turned upside down. I struggle to keep it together but I’m taking it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

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Hi H

Thank-you for your message of support.

I know that going forward, boundaries are so important. Once I can start to think more clearly, I will be working on that.

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Thank-you both for your replies.

Counselling for myself def sounds like a good road to go down, sadly my husband does not wish to pursue couples counselling.

The coming & going is an emotional rollercoaster for me. It’s such early days, everything is so raw & Im desperately just trying to do the right thing, whatever that might be.

 

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