[DeepseaDad]

Totally sympathise. I’m in same boat. Out the blue ex wife asked for a divorce after 20 years as she was unhappy. Has huge family support in a place I have noone and the cold exit and indifference is hard to reconcile when you’re unsupported and been a good provider for so long. The hard fact is that you’re not loved anymore by your ex and need to work through that exit. People say focus on yourself but that’s hard to do when you’ve always identified as a team. It’s cold but excersise and time are good healers. I’m 4 months in but just remember they do do care about you’re you’re gone to them so look after your kids (I have one daughter) and focus on them during your time with them. Eliminate your ex from everything but the bare necessaries. Having any contact with them delays the process but know it’s not easy with joint custody. I feel for you as the loneliness abandonement and sadness can feel all encompassing. Keep peddling my Friend for your kids. You’ll lose a lot of friends it’s like cancer.

[DeepseaDad]

Im with you here. My wife of 20years asked for a divorce summarily in the words I don’t love you anymore I don’t want to talk about it and I want a divorce. I was crushed as I have a young daughter. I simply agreed and we worked together to move things rapidly. I moved out into a rental and secured a place near my daughters school. My wife went on a spa weekend and then a holiday with her sister as if nothing was amiss. The difficulty comes in so much as I’m a good man by her own account but work too hard and am not close enough too her but she never discussed any of this with me. But you must remember that it’s their decision and the sooner you focus on your kids and just keep pushing to the next step it slowly gets easier and you gain traction. It’s super early for me and we have worked together sold the house and separated funds as she wanted from me. I’m now alone as all her family are here in the UK(I grew up in South Africa) to support her and it’s just me and my daughter every other week. Then it’s just me in a rented house alone while my wife has already moved into her pur headed home. I lost my offshore job to a back injury before corona virus and started a small restoration company to keep things ticking over as I had reserve funds and my wife had been written into wills and had inheritance coming. As soon as the UK rules changed she asked me for a divorce. The betrayal is difficult and unanswered questions will always be there but you must let it all go one day at a time forgive release do not waste energy on it focus on your kids gives you a reason.  45 single Dad alone in country I settled in for my wife and now I’m committed for life due to my daughter but what a gift that is. I work through things daily nothing seems linear but you grieving a life that never was meant to be not the person. But focus on the good things of that person when you remember them but also start to forget them .

Its not easy no one has any answers.

 

D

 

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