[RicaH]

@Morrigan hi and thank you for your input too. I definitely feel a sense of safety going through the CMS but after several long hold but never answered calls I dread the communications going forward.

@Mehere did you get anywhere with your local MP? That sounded like an interesting approach and I hope you have made progress.

[RicaH]

@2Flowers and everyone else – so I made my case to CMS. Ruffled a few feathers and now maintenance will be going down from the voluntary £300 he pays to £143 as of December. They seem to have overlooked November so goodness only knows if he’ll contribute.

We have another final hearing date set for 1 Nov regarding custody too so the pressures are building although yesterday he did say he would pay for the extra curricular activities if i let him take the children out of school in December for a week!

Does anyone have any tips on what/how you actually provide data to the CMS? I went through the “report a change” section today and added anything I could think of including our Court Order, docs from our financial separation (form e disclosure) etc but I have rushed it due to being under time pressures and I’m now worried CMS will simply share everything verbatim with him. I hope they show a little discretion and contact/interview me prior to them approaching him for more info – does anyone have any insight into the info-gathering stage? I’m not looking forward to the bumpy phase ahead but this thread gives me some hope!

[RicaH]

@2Flowers your email was a very welcome one to read this morning. And right on every point from the vitriolic emails to the court threats (I had those for a year and then have now gone through the process but he won’t even listen to the judge it seems).

It is hard to say about his lifestyle/finances now and I can only go on what I knew before we were divorced and the data from our financial proceedings (I was put under pressure to get a forensic accountant but it would have cost me thousands I did not have and so before my eyes and under my nose he took the family home and gave me no spousal maintenance and hardly any child support). I think it will be worth the process. Your comment about buying regular PE Joggers vs a pair from Asda made me smile inside. It is all of those small things. Even the £1 when the children have mufti day or the £10+ when it comes to buying gifts for their friends’ parties or teachers at the end of terms. It’s those small things that add up and to be able to do those things and to send the children to activities without the constant concern… and the constant requests to their father which go into an abyss.

Thank you for sharing and for your time in writing to my post. It means a great deal and has given me the impetus to push forward down this path. I shall begin the pursuit today.  The best thing will be if I can afford to support these children without him, but that is a way off and why shouldn’t he support them with their basics? He told me recently that they should go and live with him and they’d never want for anything! Not sure it works like that!

Thank you again – I shall revert. Good luck with your juggle and thank you again for your support.

[RicaH]

Gives me hope that perhaps it’s a worthwhile road to go down. Any tips on where to begin……….

[RicaH]

Hello everyone. This is my first post here and I am intrigued by how far down the line you all are. We have been divorced 2 and a 1/2 years but we are still in the courts over access to the children. I have just been granted full custody as he lives over 2 hours away and it’s complicated wrapping it up – he has begun to litigate after the final hearing and it’s a complete mess. He’s doing everything he can to make me spend money I don’t have on solicitors.

In terms of support for the children, he has always paid me £300 a month for two children (they’re 6 and 8 now). He said that was over what he would have to pay if we went through CMS and I have not challenged it because we’ve been so consumed with life and reestablishing. I left the marital home after emotional abuse/control etc and have started again with nothing. He managed to keep the family home and I am still struggling to set up again. He is a self employed artist (although has a Ltd Co and so pays himself the bare minimum. The year we divorced he took over £90k in gross income through personal and business accounts and uses his business account for everything anyway. He always fiddled the books and took cash where he could. He lied throughout the proceedings about assets he had sold – you’ve heard all this before…

I keep asking for support with basic things – like uniform and extra curricular activities. He will rarely help and when he has done it’s been a nominal gesture, never half and always on his terms.

I am at the point of going to CMS but things are so fragile between us and I’m worried I will make things worse. It will be a red rag to a bull, I will be deemed a gold digger and he will close the purse strings even tighter. He currently has the children on alternate weekends and half the holidays and because our court order has not been put in place (it’s 2 weeks since our disagreements have been sent to the judge but no response and he keeps contacting my solicitor who has acted without my approval and there is a further £1200 bill to pay I was not expecting and cannot afford).

I’m trying to rebuild my life (I am a photographer but my work usually demands travel and so I am now restarting and about to start a new business which I hope will bring me in a small and stable income but finding the time to deal with that in amongst court hearings and running the lives of hte children is tough. I renovated a run down property too as I could not afford anything else and so that is dominating my time so I’m in a real quandary over whether to approach CMS and get this ball rolling.

I assume that in order to apply for any variation one must already have a CMS case open? I shudder at the thought of yet more animosity yet hate that my children go without swimming lessons or other basics like new shoes and that they have to witness me struggling so much. Yet when they visit him he showers them with toys and sweets – yep. Fun Dad.

Any advice at all is welcomed.

[Author]

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