[Morrigan]

@Cocobeach.

Glad I could help a little.

Yes unfortunately you can’t often predict which way things will go. Can only do your best to support with whatever happens going forward.

My motto over last few years has been prepare for worst and hope for best!!

Yes can only be there for your little one whatever happens.

My only advice is keep records, notes, texts, emails etc regarding communication about contact between you and your ex just in case.

Horrible, but helps.

I wish you all the luck and best wishes with whatever happens x

[Morrigan]

@Cocobeach sorry I couldn’t be more help.

Yes, you can only do what you think is right for you and your little girl as time and things change. Gosh I totally agree, I wish that we could have sorted things amicably, but unfortunately that was never going to happen. You are completely right my situation was very different as my kids much older. I too did not want to alienate my ex, but it got to stage where I felt awful trying to “force” them to see their dad when they really didn’t want to and also were becoming withdrawn and depressed. I hoped that he would maybe see this and make more of effort to change his behaviour so they wanted to see him, but this did not happen unfortunately and he took legal route.

I hope that your situation improves and that you dont have to go through court process.

It’s fantastic that your daughter has independent help and support and that school are aware and helpful. I can imagine that it makes such a difference both to her and you. Yes, you’re right, all you can do is give all love and support to her that you can. She sounds as if she is a sensible seven year old!

I sincerely hope that things get better as you and your daughter (like everyone) deserve happiness and support.

Please feel free to ask if can help further.

[Morrigan]

Can I begin by saying after reading all the recent threads  how sorry I am that you are all having to go through all of this simply to support your children. It is so disappointing that nothing gets finalised or sorted quickly or properly.

On the flipside though, I would just like to say how incredibly strong and brave you all are (know doesn’t feel like it a lot of the time) in continuing with it all at the same time as supporting and maintaining families and jobs. You are all incredible.

@Cocobeach. I am sorry that you and your daughter are experiencing this. It really is so difficult.

I went through a similar experience myself. We went through family court when my children were 13 and 15 after my children refused contact with their dad.

Like you after leaving, I had tried to encourage my children to maintain contact despite them having an extremely poor relationship with their father. This continued for a year until the children were begging me not to ask them to see their dad and were becoming upset by the whole prospect. Due to their ages, the children personally talked to their dad telling him that they didn’t want to see him. He then began the court process and claimed parental alienation. Cafcass became involved and the children became part of court process and were asked to make statements and were interviewed. Despite their ages and clear thoughts and wishes that they wanted no contact, the alleged parental alienation became more of focus within court. The process took over a year and approx 10 court hearings. The final court order was that there was to be no contact, but judge made it clear that this was only because of the children being in their teens and had made it very clear what their thoughts were. We were also lucky enough to have fantastic support from cafcass who really fought to get the children’s voices heard.

So sorry for being long winded, but would not want anyone to go through the same experience as us as it was awful and honestly traumatising.

I guess what I am trying to say is seek legal advice before stopping contact, as in my own personal experience, the court focuses on the fact that children should see both of their parents. This I of course completely and utterly agree with if the relationship is healthy and is what the children want. But if this is not the case, children’s voices should definitely be listened to and their thoughts and wishes taken into consideration, but in my experience am not sure that they always are despite their age. So please seek help.

[Morrigan]

Hi @RicaH,

I totally agree with everything @2Flowers has said. I was in the same position as you and although he still tries to control us financially through CMS, it is a whole lot better than trying to go it alone.

I can imagine that he will be angry and may try other means (like solicitors and family court), but as @2Flowers says get all the information that you can possibly get your hands on in relation to his financial situation and give it a try.

Wishing you all the best wishes and luck in the world x

[Morrigan]

@2Flowers sorry for the delayed reply. That is absolutely fantastic news. I am so happy for you.

[Morrigan]

Hi @Troywband,

As you said, CMS variations are not explained clearly at all, and I am not sure either if you can apply for a variation for assets if he rents the properties that are the assets and provide his income. However, I think that any money in savings can be seen as assets and therefore, I think you may be able to ask for a variation for the 160k savings.  CMS may be able to tell you more, but it is all extremely complex and confusing.

Sorry couldn’t be of more help, and hope that you can get some answers soon.

[Morrigan]

Hi @2Flowers and @Cocobeach,

Thank you so much. Luck is exactly what is needed I think, to just get through this whole process! As everyone here has said, the whole system just seems flawed as nothing seems to be investigated despite lots of evidence and proof being provided. As you have all said, it is awful that we all have to turn investigators in the hope that something might get done. I find it inexplicable that CMS don’t seem to look into and take on board evidence that is from governmental departments and certainly when it is the person themselves talking about their assets, wealth etc online!!

I find it completely unbelievable that they dismiss a case because the other person hasn’t acknowledged or replied to the letter. I was even told that my mandatory reconsideration would also probably be rejected if he didn’t reply again!! I know it is not the call-handlers fault, but yes, it is completely frustrating when you speak to a different person each time and get told different and sometimes conflicting information.

@2Flowers, I wish you all the very best of luck with the annual review and hope that things turn out ok so that you finally can plan ahead.

@Cocobeach, I hope that you receive your call-back today and get some answers.

Wishing everyone all the luck in the world, with getting what your children deserve too x

 

[Morrigan]

I have just read the complete thread as I am currently going through a similar situation, and was looking for experiences and thoughts.

My application to CMS for a variation is due to my ex owning substantial assets within property that I can prove, but has recently also purchased others as part of a new ltd property business (started 15 months ago).

I applied for a variation 6 months ago for assets/notional income, but was rejected last week due to lack of information – on asking why, as I had supplied proof of ownership from land registry and information regarding attempted sale of property etc, CMS stated that this was due to my ex not replying/acknowledging the application and HMRC had returned a nil return.

Reading others experiences I am shocked and saddened by what you have all been through, and am happy that some have come through the other side with success. It gives some encouragement.

However, I would just like to ask for advice or if anyone has similar experiences regarding variations on assets? I would be extremely grateful for any thoughts x

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