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Hi.
There is a team called secure healthcare team. They charge twenty odd per hr to help. I have their contact details because I have to go into hospital and I asked them before if I could be discharged the last time because of being a lone parent but it’s got to the point where I am really feeling unwell. If I go into hospital then cost will be extortionate, the hourly rate of twenty odd is already proving difficult and at the minute it’s only been for an Hour and half per week whilst I go for treatment. I have to go in mond and Tuesd for tests and will be in hospital for a whole day, I just keep thinking I’ll try and get some sleep maybe the next day it will get easier and I will have a solution or that I will get better without having to go into hospital.
Hope you feel better soon.
I always say if anything happens and I die for instance that I hope my little girl goes into adoption to a traditional Christian family, I haven’t exactly been able to provide that even though I tried so hard. I’d hate for her to go into care. So it’s because of how unwell I feel that I am Getting a l will and everything put in place with my wishes for what I’d want for my little girl which is a loving traditional family.
I always ask is she happy even though she has a poorly mommy and bless her she always says she just wants me to get better and be okay so we can do fun things like we used to.
But when you have a lousy body that just won’t work right, it’s so difficult.
Hope that info of the secure health team helps you.
I did it for so long, just to have that family for my little girl. I did not want her to grow up not having a family. But do you know what it does more harm than good. She witnessed him telling me what I could not wear, going through my phone without me agreeing to it (which I would have but he thought each time he could snatch it off me) things like name calling and shouting. It’s not right for any child to grow up in that sort of environment but when my little girl was only a baby I decided it was best we went out own ways but still stayed as friends and parents to our daughter. But it went nasty he threatened that I could not tell anyone he was not paying me CSM (as we never lived together and our relationship was only together for the sake of our daughter) so we wasn’t together in a relationship way. He told me I couldn’t see anyone else nor could I end the relationship because he wasn’t having another failed relationship that if I didn’t want to sleep with him fine that he would carry on paying prostitutes but I just couldn’t end us or he would ask for lone access to our daughter his words ‘and you will never know what I’m doing with her and that will be killing you’. He’s never been alone with my little girl after she was only a mth old he was on paternity leave he used to come daily to see us, but he swore and shouted at my daughter whilst she was crying and he had her in the air. Had I not have seen him, would he have shuck her?… And it’s every babies response to cry when they want a cuddle or drink or play, I felt sick to the stomach I questioned his behaviour by text, as he stormed out, his response was that he cannot tolerate her crying, that something happens to him. I reported this to social because at that time I thought if we split up I don’t want him going through courts for access that if this is made a log of that he would never have her alone. But social told me it was an isolated incidence that I cannot mark his card and dictate that he only has contact in my presence. For that reason I have agreed with him I would never have a relationship with any other man, live as though I belong to him and live devoting my life to our daughter and if any one like a man asks me am i single I am to say no that I have a husband, but we are not married i agreed to have the ring finger tattooed rings because I didn’t want to get married at least this way he has his control over me in a sense that my finger wardens off other men. (Its disturbing but this is what I was prepared to do so as he never has my little girl alone).
Mean time my daughter is kept safe, she’s now much older not a baby and knows why me and her daddy are not really married and she has herself witnessed his anger and shouting and swearing and his drug use he’s admitted calling it only cannabis and occasional cocaine!
Bless her though she often says to me I wish you had a nicer husband mommy because he’s so horrible to you, and then I could have had a better daddy. That’s after he let her down and was not there when she was all scarily dressed up for Halloween disco, he promised to be there and also at her birthday and again he let her down which caused her to be upset when i told him how he upset she was on her birthday of all days, he turned up but kept complaining he was in a rush but gave her a card with money for her printer.
It’s so important that children are kept safe. My little girl only has me. But she still sees her father and grandparents even though it’s so toxic but she knows it’s still her family but that she must never copy or think it’s right what they say or the ways in which they behave with bad language.
I try so hard to keep the contact but it’s kept at bare minimum for my little girls safety and her wellbeing. If I could turn the clock back and if I knew what he was going to be like after I had my little girl, which I was warned by his ex, but it wasn’t till I was already pregnant by him, before that he would never allow me to meet his ex who he has a child with and she told me when my little girl was just three that whilst her father was in prison she was using that excuse to get far away From him with her son and that I should do the same. If I had of gone far away when my little girl was just a mth old after that incident then she would have just known to have me and none of the above. I just hope with everything now that she makes it through in this awful world and does well and stands on her own two feet and gets far away from him whilst I’m still alive. At least I can die in peace knowing she’s happy, well and independent and safely away from it all.
