[Marmaduke]

Hey,

I totally get where you ur coming from, when it’s great its fun and when it’s overwhelming it can get you to the “ can I really do this ?” Point . But you Just have to remind yourself it will pass.  Sounds like your doing the noble parent thing and giving 100% to being a parent, working and providing but do you do anything just for you? To lift your spirits a bit and take care of you ? Doing that every now and again really does help you have the strength to help you get through the frustrating moments .

I am Hertfordshire too so feel free to message any time . Your definitely not alone in what your feeling But it will get better . Hang in there .

[Marmaduke]

Hi Momoftwo,

I get how your feeling, I have 2 under 2 and even with how their day to day care keeps me so busy there’s still those moments you wish you had someone there. The biggest thing that has helped me is building a local mummy/ daddy network of friends to meet up with regularly and WhatsApp with on the days you don’t get out. Do nice things for yourself in the quiet moments so your not just sitting there all in your feelings for too long , a bit of pampering . Lastly give yourself things to look forward to every month, even if it’s something small like lunch with a friend or doing something off your bucket list .
The right person will probably show up when you least expect it and your just happily in your bubble with your little one , and you won’t have to tell them your child comes first , they will just get it .

[Marmaduke]

Hey, you are definitely not alone , going solo can definitely get you overwhelmed sometimes but for the most part once you settle into it and get yourself a good network of friends and support you realise your so much stronger than you ever imagined. When it’s a good day enjoy the memories and be in the moment , when it’s a bad day talk about it , decompress and focus on tomorrow . 🙂

[Marmaduke]

Not only is it ok, it’s necessary for you to look after yourself . It’s called self care and self love. When you are feeling happy in yourself , confident and empowered then you can be the best version of yourself for your children. It’s ok to tell yourself that you matter in this equation too. Of course your going to make sure all the necessities for the house kids etc are covered first but if you’ve got a little something spare to treat yourself you absolutely should . It’s not easy going solo , so if something small can lift your spirits go for it !!!

[Marmaduke]

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts are with you and your family . Definitely reach out and chat when you need to .

[Marmaduke]

I couldn’t agree with busman more . Keep it short and to the point . If they don’t wanna play ball, fine, you tried that’s all you can do. Set your boundaries and stick to them. But most importantly I’ve learned you have to set yourself up to be independent of your ex , if your still relying on them for childcare , finances or anything else your opening yourself up to potential problems if they decide they don’t want to keep it consistent .

[Marmaduke]

Hi Clarelav,

just wanted to say you would be superhuman if you could heal in just two weeks from a 12 year relationship , everything your feeling is normal and it just takes time to emotionally let go but you will, and each day you will find yourself getting stronger and happier . Your allowed to have feelings that’s what makes you a good person and a good mum, just don’t let yourself dwell in the negative ones .

[Marmaduke]

Happy Sunday to you too 🙂.

[Marmaduke]

Hi miracle ,

If friends and family arn’t an option and you’d be interested in a professional you could get a maternity nurse , they generally help postnatally when you come home with baby ( days, nights, 24 hours , whatever you feel you need) but some maternity nurses are happy to start prior to the birth and assist mum in various ways . There’s also mothers helps.
hope this helps .

[Marmaduke]

Hey Bethany,

Full disclosure I don’t know the legal answer to your question but I completely get how your feeling and why. It’s a lot doing it solo and sometimes it’s beyond overwhelming , no single parent can honestly sit there and say they haven’t gotten to the point they’ve questioned can I really do this ? Or am I going to be enough for my kids ? Am I going to be able to give them what they need ? Believe me every now and then those thoughts do creep in on a tough day .  But that’s just it , it’s a passing feeling and when you have a great day with your kids that feeling goes away and you feel great again. Sometimes you just have to hang on till the next great day. Because it’s always on the way .

With regards to legally forcing anyone to be involved with their kids , it might be worth asking a different question, do you really want to force someone to spend time with their child if they are already showing you they aren’t interested , would that be best for your little one in the long run? It might be worth exploring other options that could give you the break you need but still ensure whoever is looking after your little one is someone who will really look after them and want to care for them.
Also maybe speak to the Gp about how your feeling to see if there’s something they can do to help get you back in a positive head space in the mean time . There’s nothing wrong with saying I need some support . We are all human . You will be ok.

[Marmaduke]

Thanks guys this is helpful will check it out .

[Marmaduke]

Hey Elizalou,

I feel like deep down you know the answer already he’s told you he’s not ready and there’s no time frame on when or if he will ever be ready. Take him at his word . If you know having a child is something you really want for your life, to make you happy then go for it , whether he comes around to the idea or he doesn’t, being a parent is a gift you shouldn’t miss out on because it’s not what someone else wants . Put you first this time. It’s not easy going solo but it’s 100% worth it . The love you have for your kids surpasses any love you could have for a partner by miles .

[Marmaduke]

Hi Damian, so sorry you went through that , but glad your back and feeling better. This post has reminded me I need to plan for unexpected things like this also , so thanks for sharing . I hope your planning on treating yourself to something nice after all that , you deserve it .

[Marmaduke]

Thanks hope46, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone who knows or has been there . I’m definitely going to try and implement that advice about slowing down and not forgetting to enjoy all the little moments , it’s so easy to get wrapped up in cooking , cleaning and bedtime routines .
Another aspect of it I’m slowly navigating is trying not to feel guilty when telling people I’m a single parent now because obviously my friends all knew I got married etc . I don’t feel bad about it at all because I know it’s the right decision for me but for some reason I just feel like it’s expected that I feel ashamed of myself for not staying married . Somehow I need to shake that off because it’s completely reddiculous.

[Marmaduke]

Hi nemeton ,

how have you found the transition from being needed all the time to being needed as and when. I’m no where near that stage yet with a 13 month old but it definitely crosses my mind .

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