[KentMark]

I’m in Kent and have a daughter who just turned 7. We’re always looking for interesting things to do at the weekend, feel free to message me.

[KentMark]

You are right about CAFCASS vs court but the the line gets blurred, I didn’t say it was a contradiction. My goal is to help the OP and I suspect he isn’t looking for us to have a detailed debate on his choice of language.

[KentMark]

Everyone’s situation is different but I was told several times that the only thing that can be enforced is a court order. Even then you generally have to go back to court to have it enforced. So I don’t think it will be easy to tell your ex that she can’t do what she’s doing. Some solicitors have a free or reduced price initial consultation, so it might be worth seeing if there are other options in your case.

Mediation might make your ex understand that it’s wrong and likely to be changed by the court, but it isn’t enforceable.

Sorry, I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear.

[KentMark]

Dot is right about CAFCASS vs court. However, that line can get blurred e.g. when a court hasn’t heard evidence they might recommend following advice provided by CAFCASS. The process works (eventually) so stick with it!

Assuming you are getting a child arrangements order that follows a standard process in magistrates court so you can read about it online – just Google it. Generally only the third hearing really matters. The court can make a ruling in earlier hearings but generally only where both parties agree or where there are extenuating circumstances.

I spent far too long in small windowless rooms with solicitors and barristers!

[KentMark]

Going to court is a lengthy process – it took me about 9 months for the set of 3 hearings of a child arrangements order. You don’t have to use a solicitor but most people seem to in my (limited) experience.

The main focus of the court is what’s best for the children. They have a general premise that contact with both parents is preferable – but don’t start from a premise of equal contact, which is a shame.

Mediation is a mandatory first step in the court process – barring some exceptions e.g. where there has been domestic abuse. That might work for you given you have some contact at present. The outcome of mediation can’t be enforced unless you apply to the court to have it formalised. That reduces its value a lot for many people and is why I didn’t think it was right for me.

It is wrong to artificially limit contact to keep under a specific limit for maintenance payments. I can’t see a court supporting that. I went from zero contact to about 40% by going to court – not to reduce maintenance payments but because I wanted to see my daughter

[KentMark]

Glad I could help, even if it is just a little bit. Stay strong, it does get better eventually.

[KentMark]

Hi Andrew,

Sorry you are experiencing this. My experience with CAFCASS is that they are fairly poor. Likely overworked and didn’t really understand the complexity of my case. I suspect they weren’t intentionally biased but I felt there was a general bias towards the status quo as that wasn’t immediately harmful. In my case that meant some odd and inconsistent recommendations. I barely saw my daughter for 6 months.

Despite that, I did eventually get reasonable contact although it did take quite a few court appearances and an appeal. CAFCASS did cut through some of the nonsense but could definitely have done a lot better.

At every stage I was encouraged to take the limited contact that was on offer by everyone including my own legal representation. I’m pleased I had the strength of character to respectfully ignore them and pursue what I thought was right. Question everything… I was granted an appeal as the magistrates hadn’t completed significant required parts of the child arrangements order.

The court process is long, complex and expensive. It could so easily be a lot better but it does eventually sort of work – at least in some cases. I’m sure others will have had a different experience but everyone I’ve spoken to had an experience similar to mine with CAFCASS – well-meaning but not very good, however ultimately helpful, but not as helpful as they could or should be.

[KentMark]

Hi Claire, I live in mid-Kent and have a 7 year old daughter. She loves hanging out with other kids and it’s the one thing I’ve struggled to sort. Happy to chat online or meet if you’d like.

[KentMark]

I went through an acrimonious separation a few years ago – things do get better. Most people realise that it’s easier to work together.

Happy to chat online or maybe meet. I live in mid-Kent.

[KentMark]

Thanks, I’ve contacted my nearest group. Was thinking there might be people who don’t/can’t attend the group too.

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