[Elpa852]

@Brigantian hi, I’m sorry for not responding sooner. It was good to see your post so thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It must be even harder to have gone through the pregnancy on your own too. How are you and your son doing now? Do you have a good support network of other mums and family around you? I have found great comfort in getting out to local community centres and classes and just talking about it all xx I have repeated myself hundreds of times as it’s so hard to understand when there is no apparent reason after such a long and loving relationship. But this is all about the men and nothing we had done. They just can’t step up and be fathers. You sound like you have stepped up and done an amazing job on your own with your son and you can be proud of that and have no regrets that you did everything you could for him. Do you feel bonded with him? I struggled with this with my daughter as I resented her at first for the loss of my ex. I also then had panic attacks and anxiety as I felt like an awful mum so went to the GP for perinatal mental health and medication for depression. I don’t know if this resonates with you but If it does it might be helpful to know you are not alone in those feelings. You could check if there is a free self-referral service for support in your area to help with the panic.  I wasn’t comfortable with the meds at first but ultimately decided it was best for me and my baby for me to feel more stable.

I hope you are managing and feeling a little better after the last few weeks. Stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on x

[Elpa852]

Hello @Mum1101 I’m sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. It is so hard to grieve and allow yourself that space when you have a baby to look after. I am finding the strength from my little girl. How are you getting on? Does your ex have any contact with your little one? Do you have support from friends and family close by? I am in a similar situation with our flat in that my ex is insisting I allow him to buy me out but then I would have to find alternative accommodation in a new area and I wouldn’t be able to afford to be in the same place and I’d have to pay stamp duty etc all over again. Do you know how you own your home, joint tenancy or tenants in common? If you are tenants in common you can do what you wish with your share and force a sale if you need to. If you haven’t already I recommend speaking to a family solicitor. I had an initial consultation just to understand where I stood and it gave me confidence and like I had more control over what would happen next. It also helped me to think about what I wanted.

I totally understand how you feel about maternity. I feel the same. That it has been totally dominated by my ex’s feelings and needs and both my daughter and I have missed out somehow. Now I’m spending my last months sorting admin and working out what my new life is going to look like. But in the end, it is my ex who has missed out massively. He is starting to take more interest in my daughter, playing fun dad when he comes round and acting like a family which is quite confusing for me and hurtful. He is missing the milestones and special moments.

It’s such a difficult time but you and your baby will get through it and be happy again. You will never be alone now you have little girl.  Show her a great example of a strong mother and woman and channel all your energies and love into giving her the best you possibly can. You will have the most amazing bond with her when you come through this adversity and there will be someone who can step up and appreciate you both like you deserve xxx

I’m also saying all this to myself to get through so hope it helps xxx we can do this! Please get in touch If you feel lonely or want to talk/rant whatever. I will be glad to do the same. Xx

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