[FutureHappiness]

Thank you Damian for your kind message, such a shame we had one hour less😂 x

[FutureHappiness]

It is sad, I received about 5 emails today. I’m sure Gingerbread will work out how to stop the spam emails.

[FutureHappiness]

Please try and remember kids can play parents off against each other. I know his words hurt but remember he is a child and is testing boundaries. If you gave into the Xbox, what would be next? Also remember he has ADHD and will speak his mind not realising what they are saying may hurt you. Try and talk to him, explaining why you do not want an Xbox and that he has access to other consoles. Also tell him how you enjoy his visits. Maybe explain to him that it upsets you when you hear he does not want to visit. It’s difficult co parenting and everyone has to give and take.

[FutureHappiness]

Hi Brucie,

 

It’s tough. Iv been single for over 2 years now and still struggle with the loneliness. I just keep telling myself it will get better and that I am not on my own. I also remind myself that it is not the end of the world to be single and remind myself why the relationship ended. I also like it there are times I can do what I want and do not have to answer to anyone!  I’m Derby way.

[FutureHappiness]

Happy Saturday to you too Damian. Hope it has been enjoyable, half way through the 6 weeks hols ☺️

[FutureHappiness]

Gdaintyg

Your relationship was not a waste.  When you are in a better headspace and you have had time to mourn the relationship you will look at the relationship differently.  I am still on that journey and I understand where you are coming from, I feel I have wasted a lot of years and looking back to all the ‘red flags’ of the relationship.  If  I had not taken a chance on the relationship I would not have had my wonderful children.  There are 5 stages of grief  in a relationship denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and now I still have days where I am angry for the time I have wasted.   Don’t be so hard on yourself, you tried, it failed and I know the heartbreak is horrible but it will get better.  Try not focusing on a relationship with someone else.  I felt exactly the same thinking ‘no man is going to want a women who has children and is near 50, now I am not so worried and i am starting to enjoy the time on my own doing what I want.  I am no way ready to date and I am having a relationship with myself to find out who I am.  I wish you luck and just to let you know you are not alone in this.

[FutureHappiness]

I know it will be hard but I would have a serious chat with your ex about how you feel.  As Anon321 said you could reconcile.  If you get the news she does not want to try again at least you know you have told her how you feel and that you will know where you stand.  Your story sounds familiar to mine, we had our ups and downs, talked about splitting up a few times then when it eventually happened i thought he would come back. We talked a year after we split and I asked if he would try and again but he said ‘no’ and this was a wake up call for me and I am now moving on. Don’t get me wrong it is still tough but at least I know we will never be a couple/family again.  Hope you do not mind me saying but your living arrangements are not ideal and still sharing a house and bed together is going to be emotionally hard for you both  (I do understand though that moving out, money renting, mortgage etc – not always straight forward)

Anyway I wish you luck.

[FutureHappiness]

 

Hi Sophie,

Sorry to hear your news, you must be all over the place and looking after 3 children and dealing with the blow must be so hard.  Take it one day at a time and just do the basics.  I am 18 months into a split (together for 16) and my god it has been a journey.  I can honestly say that the last couple of months I finally feel I am moving on.  I have my good an bad days but I am focusing on myself and my children. Be kind to yourself and make sure you get support from who ever will listen to you.  My family have been a godsend!  Try not to worry about the finances.  Not sure of your situation but I can honestly say I am coping, yes it is scary and I am not looking to far into the future but at the moment the bills and rent are paid and my kids are happy.  We do not have much but I am still hear to tell the tale.

what ever happens I hope you take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

 

[FutureHappiness]

Hi Moonhead,

Yes this is normal with the feeling a bit lost. All I can say is give yourself time to adjust to the break up and only seeing your LO at the weekends.  It is a big shock to the system and as humans we do not like change.  I am 18 months into a break up.  My children are with me 80 percent of the time but my ex did mention a while back to me that he found it hard coming home to an empty house.  In the beginning I felt lost when the kids were not with me, now I do enjoy the time I have away from them.  In time you will find new interests, get used to being on your own and it wont be so hard.  All the advice i can give is time is a healer

 

[FutureHappiness]

Hi Scarlett411,   over three years you have had time to think, heal and recover and in that time your brain may be remembering the ‘good times’  with your ex so your thoughts for ‘regret’ may seem valid.  Also, being single when you are in your mature years shall I say is in no one’s plan.  I am on my second big break up and getting nearer the big 50 and it is taking a long time to recover this time.  I understand about looking for others to make yourself happy when the only person can do this is yourself.  Do not mean to be harsh but try and use this time you have now to make yourself happy and I know that having children you have very little time to focus on yourself.  Yes, your ex may have done wonderful things but try and dig deep as to why you split up, sorry to say this but he might not have been happy and he may have not said anything.  You said that you blame yourself?  why is this?  We all blame ourselves, I still do. I have children on the spectrum, I also have been diagnosed with ASD/ADHD and looking back at my behaviour has been shocking but I am trying to forgive myself as this was all pre-diagnosis.  not saying this is an excuse for my behaviour but it contributed.  If there is no way you two can get back together try and focus on yourself?  Sounds like you are carrying alot of guilt and remember it takes two people to work at a relationship.  Try and accept what you did, admit where you were wrong and most of all forgive yourself.  this may take days, months even years, try and learn from the mistakes you made.  For me,  communication is one thing i need to work on and that my views and thoughts are valid! I also need to work on making myself happy and this is a struggle.  I was very scared to be single again in the beginning but now I am slowly working on myself and making sure my children are happy and feel safe.  I understand having an autistic son must be a struggle and not seeing your ex must have devastated him but I am sure you are doing your best.  I really wish you the best – you sound a lovely person

[FutureHappiness]

Dannii009 that is so positive to hear, thank you for sharing. I find myself a co-parent for the second time and at the moment I’m focusing on myself and the children. I am looking to date in the future but for now it’s not possible….I just want to spend time with my children and any free time is with myself, family and friends. It’s daunting starting again but possible 😊

[FutureHappiness]

Hi MumMum2,

so sorry to hear of your situation.  No two break ups are the same or portrayed like they are on TV!! Mine was a sort of amicable break up but I can relate to you feeling inferior to your Partner.  not saying all men have it better but it is more common for the woman to give up work and look after the kids and the men to go out to work. (not saying men do not give up work, I know of one on the school run).  I too am also struggling with this but I am 15 months into the break up and I can honestly say I am looking for work and looking forward to my future even though I am scared every day, I AM STILL HERE!!.  I find myself a co parent for the second time and the first time the man cheated on me and i will agree it was easier to hate him and move on because i could vent my anger somewhere.  this time it is different as there was no violence or another woman – we just grew apart but I think he was more moved on than I was.  All I can say is focus on yourself and your child.  I cannot say whether you and your Partner will split up or going on the Holiday may help your relationship.  Also, do not beat yourself up because you do not have a job.  this is something I have struggled with and still do but remind yourself you have been raising your 6 year old and this is not an easy task.  I wish there was not a stigma against people who choose to raise their children and not work, it really upsets me.  We are working, raising children!

Try not to focus to much on anything at the moment, you have gone though a big shock and accept any feelings you have about your partner, they are justified.  focus on getting through the day and looking after your little boy. I have days still now where I cannot stand my ex and receiving a text from him drives me mad but I know in time this will change.

I used to go upstairs and cry so the kids would not see me, this really helped.  there were times the kids caught me crying and i was honest with them.  I hope what I have said helps.  It is a horrible situation to be in and time is a healer.

I hope what I have said makes some sense.  Take it one day at a time you will pull through, may not feel like it now but you will

 

 

 

 

 

[FutureHappiness]

Hi Spacemoon, so sorry to read your post but so pleased you have reached out for help.  I was in the same position at the beginning of 2022.  I split from my now ex and my world just turned upside down. I did not eat, sleep and was just existing, I even ended up in A&E due to my mental state.  The suisidal thoughts were driving me mad – they frightened the hell out of me.  Well 15 months on its still hard but I  am slowly enjoying the getting out of bed, seeing my children go to school.  I am even slowly going out and socialising!!  I can honestly say I am coping.  Don’t get me wrong I am so scared about the future it scares the  hell out of me but I just breathe and try and focus on the day.   I am now volunteering with a view to going back to work (something i did not envisage)  Family and friends have been excellent and I have been more gentle with myself.  I worry about bills, providing for my kids etc but all i can do is my best and I know I am doing this every day.  All I can say is give your self time and lots of it!!!   Please contact Gingerbread as I am sure they will help and reach out to people you will be surprised who will help.   Sending hugs xx

 

[FutureHappiness]

Hi Yoga,

 

Just saw your message. You are so brave to reach out for help and honestly say how you are feeling.  I feel like this and I am sure there are many more parents (not just single ones) that feel like this.  Parenting is tough even when you have support so parenting whether it be lone, single or co parenting is another ball game.  I am not entirely in your boat but I have moved away from family so do not have the support as much as I would like but try and remind yourself you are doing your best everyday.  Try not to compare yourself with others, even if they are a single parent and seem to have it all together.  Focus on what you can do, not want you are unable to do at the moment.  Your children are still young so will need a lot more care, trust me this will get better as they get older – I am afraid it is going to be small steps.  Focus on what makes you happy, try not to worry that you are not working at the moment, you are a mother of 2 small children – that is a full time job in itself to which you are doing on your own!!!

I suffer with Anxiety and I am just trying to focus on the now.  I know times are hard with the cost of everything rising.  I have stopped reading the news because i just get so depressed.  I focus on my kids, myself and who is important to me and as long as we are all okay – who cares.

You are a good mom  – as others have said try and find some groups you can join, i know making friends is hard but just chatting to a few new people can help.

You are not alone in this

Sending hugs

 

 

 

 

[FutureHappiness]

Thank you Busman403

 

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