[FootballNut]

Happy to chat if you need to.

I genuinely felt a bit like you last year when marriage ended. Did not see the point in anything.

but I didn’t. Made myself a better person.  Enjoyed life, so much so that June to Dec were the best 6 months of my life.

not in the best frame now as that relationship seems to have ended but mentally stronger.

[FootballNut]

Its sad. I think we were a great match but her and this guy have some history and a spark. This sounds bad (and maybe it’s just raw emotion) but if I was happy with someone in 1 years time, I would possibly dump them for her as things were good.

I cant work out if both of us breaking radio silence is a good or bad thing!!

[FootballNut]

Thats tough, what a horrible thing.

I was lucky, my ex who is a *****, and I both focus on the kids, and 50/50 was a no brainer.

All I can suggest is you refuse access until he ‘plays ball’ but is that fair on your son? In terms of moving on, I was devastated until she started being unfair, rude and then hatred kicked in which was great in terms of being able to move on. If you can channel anger in the right way about this, maybe that will help you move on?

[FootballNut]

In a similar situation.

Long story short – with someone for 23 years, 2 kids, she left me a year ago. It was toxic, it was bad from both of us but we ignored problems and they got worse. I wanted to work it out, she didnt. Quite bitter now as she has slagged be off behind my back and cost me some mutual friends plus she is always angry when messaging and quite controlling.

Met someone last summer – things went super quick, meeting kids, going away, meeting families etc.. all good. Now though I am having similar thoughts to you. I dont have that excitement and spark I had before. Now I put that down to age (50 v 20s), having a career rather than basic jobs and being responsible for kids. When I met my ex we were on that journey, single and no ties, build that dream house/marriage/family… I also think that when that relationship for life ends you think it will happen again.

For me my gf ticks a lot of boxes. Kind, clever, makes time for me, and also the stuff I was worried about with a new partner. Like the fact her kids are great and we all get on (mine and hers – teens), similar upbringing/morals/views, she is in a good place financially like me too… so all that is good. We can talk for ages but also dont worry if we are watching something together in silence. We have both taken each other out of our comfort zones and embraced other things be that box sets, music, places, food. It’s really nice and comfortable but doesn’t have that spark of yesteryear. I guess that is common right?

 

[FootballNut]

Is this a mutual decision? If you both agree to split then it could work with rules in place. If he didnt want it to end then I think it would not work.

[FootballNut]

It is super tough, happy to chat if you want to.

Wife left after 22 years a year ago. Gutted she did not try to work things out after all that time and two teens and felt very low at the time, not sure how I got through it. But I am a stubborn git and vowed this would make me stronger. Luckily I kept the house so redid it how I wanted. Jumped into dating, probably too soon but took my mind off things and it did make me realise that I was not actually happy in the marriage either. Ended up meeting someone and love her far more than I loved my wife so while it can be challenging there is light.

[FootballNut]

It is a shock, I was told 12 months ago that after 22 years she was leaving. Luckily my kids are 13 and 15 – would have been far worse had they been little.

I was lower than low for a few months but picked myself up. On the one hand I wish things were as they were as would be better off financially, would not have lost friends and would have kids all the time rather than 50/50 but have gone on to meet someone even better, even if it can be tough at times dating aged 50! Feel free to message if you want to chat

[FootballNut]

Hey, feel free to chat, been through everything in the last 12 months but all positive so message if you want to

[FootballNut]

To be fair, it must be hard to do any of that with just 1 hour a week access? Would more access make him feel more involved?

[FootballNut]

Could counselling work?

Is it really the end? With 20 or so years invested is it not worth trying. Personally it’s that never knowing which is the thing I get most annoyed about. Will that never knowing keep eating away or do you think it will be ok?

[FootballNut]

My ex used to call me a narcissist and various other things, yet she is the one demonstrating that behaviour. Its almost like a mask she has.

It is probably a combination of anger (like I ‘fleeced her’) because he friends tell her that, and a desire to cause a split so that she has her more. I would sit down with daughter and tell the complete story.

[FootballNut]

Been through similar – wife left after 22 years (not my choice) and at times it was very tough but support got me through – happy to chat.

[FootballNut]

It is tough and sorry for the cliche but it does get better, although you need to grasp it!

My wife left after 22 years. I was gutted and wanted to work at it. I was near suicidal at the time. But 8 months on… the family home is mine (although massive mortgage), kids are 50/50, best of all I have met someone wonderful and know what real love is.

TBH I was straight out dating, and did that too quickly but it gave me a focus and a lot of positive energy.

[FootballNut]

Cliche – but it does get better, although some days are very dark.

Mine left after 22 years, while things had not been great in the last couple of years to just decide to not bother with trying to fix it after so long really hurt. At the time I was full of sorrow and took everything without arguing. Now the anger is there… does the last 22 years mean that little, what harm would it do if we looked at ways to improve.

While the split was amicable compared to most (did our own agreement checked by solicitor, was fair in the financials and no formal plans for his, just 50/50) there seems to be a lot of animosity her end. Quite noticeable that a number of FB friends have stopped liking my posts, the fact she claims they think its immoral I have asked her for money as I have the kids 95% of the time for 3 months while she lives with her mum as her new house is not ready.

The fact we had agreed she would get the kids 6-7pm one Saturday and a few days before she said that did not work as she wanted to do something with them, could she get them at 5. I said not as that affected my plans in the afternoon but could drop them at 7pm or she could get them at 1pm. But that didn’t work with her and then accused me of being inflexible… well, we agreed something and I gave another option when you wanted to change!

I think she had decided this well before and is now almost seeking to justify the decision as things may not be as great for her as she thought. Hopefully not, but be aware of that.

Anyway, been through a lot myself in last 6m so happy to chat about it if you wanted to PM

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by FootballNut.

[FootballNut]

My ex did that, she had been thinking about it for 3-6 months, things were not great between us but I didn’t see it coming and would have wanted to really sort it out before calling it a day.

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