[Fergie]

Hi Busman403, thanks for your kind reply, been quite a day. Saw a solicitor today and he has no legal entitlement to money. 5 bottles of wine last night, found passed out on the sofa, but he managed to get a shower and put some aftershave on, so sounds like he’s going to see his lady friend. It will be good for him if he can move in with her, and she can support him. He stormed out of the house after I said he wasn’t legally entitled to anything from the house, but had driven off (!!) before I could add, ‘but we can work through what can be done to support new accommodation’. A lot of number crunching needed this weekend, I’m not heartless and his life is a mess. My poor little chap only had about three hours’ sleep last night, and I felt a complete heel taking him to school shattered and with a sore throat 🙁 Teachers know what’s happening, had lots of cuddles and a sleep after falling asleep in maths. Really upset daddy not there when he’s home, but it’s the first day of a new and hopefully better life, however long down the line 🙂 he’s not talking to me and wants to be on his own, so I’m doing annoying mum hovering, which is driving him mad. Daddy not moved out, just stormed off for however long, but I’m enjoying the peace for now, no  matter how short. You’ve just got to do each day, haven’t you? I’m really sorry your life has parallels. I hope you’ve managed to come out through the other side with less turbulence. Take care.

[Fergie]

Hi

Crikey, this is almost my exact situation (although not married). If you’re still on here Esmae, do you mind me asking how things are now? Regardless, I really hope things have improved by now and you’ve got some peace of mind and a much happier and better living arrangement x

[Fergie]

Hi

I’m in a similar situation with my ex being an alcoholic with mental health problems, unfortunately stuck under the same roof until I can sort finances out (pay him to go). He doesn’t remember or process most school things – alcohol and I’ve always been the school ‘co-ordinator’ letting him know things, reminding, making arrangements. Drives my son mad as he’ll ask him several times if he’s had a good day at school, then irritate him with a drunken ramble.  It’s not your job (and never was) to have to keep him informed. He’s a grown up, albeit a very ill one, but he will have to accept the consequences of the split and his alcoholism at some point, as unfortunately you’re having to. This means you no longer having to be his PA or carer. It’s good he’s back with his mum. You don’t need to cover for his deficits or enable him, or try and shield him from things he finds hard, just keep doing what you’re doing brilliantly being their loving mum. If he’s interested or capable – like others have said, he can read the school comms and ask 😉

A bit unrelated, but I’ve been getting some support from some lovely people at Al-Anon, they’ve really helped me start to get my thoughts and feelings together after many really hard years on the rollercoaster.

Sending a hug! Take care of yourself as best you can x

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Fergie.

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