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@SeeTheLight I’m glad to hear that has helped. It’s sounds great.

I have just done this as they have always been a great support at her school. But just recently they have brought up a new scheme and I have asked if it’s something we could utilise for her.  I know she is young but it can’t hurt to try and may help how she feels.

So I’m really hoping this will help.  I try the extra classes for hobbies etc too, to keep her confidence up as much as I can.
Thank you for the advice

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@Morrigan thank you very much. It’s such a relief to hear some advice. You just feel hopeless.

Yes I’ve always done what is best like you and done the right thing despite his behaviours but she knows what she wants and I do feel it will go to the courts again.
As amicable as I have been, it heading this way for the sake of my daughter now. So I will support her all the way until she is able to fully voice her wishes and prepare for the complications!

Thanks again and I really appreciate you replying ☺️

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@2Flowers thank you for your update too. It sounds like you and I are in a very similar situation. Let’s keep at it and stay as positive as we can as hard as it is.
Take care all and thanks for the updates. I will let you all know how my legal enforcement goes in the next few weeks

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@Morrigan thank you so much for this.
My daughter has always struggled and I do my best to support her and don’t want to be seen as alienating etc and have a court order in place.
I am just going to have to see how things go due to her age. She has someone independent to chat to now too and I know she is very young to be able to refuse to go there but I appreciate your advice. I would never stop contact as much as my gut can tell me to as I know it will all backfire.
I have said to her when she is a big girl she can make more choices, it’s just so hard when you know what they want isn’t it and they are so upset. School are aware and have offered some support too which is great for her.
My daughter has always been switched on so I will continue to support her the best I can. And I really hope if she needs it Cafcass will help like they did with your children. Thank you again for the advice it all really helps.

And also thank you to everyone on here for all your support. It’s such a stressful thing to go through and all support helps when feeling so low about it all. xx

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Sorry I’m not sure why it posted that underneath my reply! I was unable to delete.
I hope your daughter is okay and please update as I am going through the same thing with my 7 year old daughter too.

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Hi Marr, I am dealing with the same situation for my 7 year old.
I’m finding it all hard because she has always been adamant she doesn’t want to see my ex. Now it’s worse, even at school she dreads every other Friday.
There are lots of elements to it but I like you have kept it all as positive as possible but I’ve recently arranged my daughter to be able to speak to someone independently too. I’m not sure if this will help her.
I have never alienated and always been conscious about what I say but I think now she is a little older she is seeing things differently and being more confident in ways.
Do you know when children are heard for what they want to do? Please keep updating

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My advice would be keep onto CMS.

I am also on collect and pay.

I know exactly how you feel as my ex is self employed and knows everything he can do not to pay since 2019. But I have been constantly appealing. Challenging each variation and now years later they are taking him to court, the last case worker I spoke to told me they have tried his bank to retrieve the money to no avail but they will now use the next stage of Bailffs and court to get the money.
If he keeps this deliberate non pay up he could have his driving licence or also go to prison. I can’t see it going that far but we will wait and see.
The case worker told me they see this all the time and until they realise how serious it can be with the legal enforcement they usually bury their heads in the sand.
Good luck, keep phoning as the online portal is useless. Keep phoning until you get a great case worker. Don’t be put off my the poor ones. Phone again as there are some good ones too

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This happened to me too. He usually knows what to say and the threat of the court element hasn’t phased him with the financial enforcement, this is as you say why they are ex’s as you couldn’t even imagine doing what they do.

My arrears are like yours and being paid just short of £15 from years back rather than the £3000 plus he owed at the time so I’ve been phoning them everyday to keep the new arrears from August down. It’s just £500 at the moment but I did say the longer you leave this the less likely we will see it. Perhaps £5/10 extra a week if we are lucky. CMS have been better this time but still not great.

I asked him privately and politely last weekend to step away if he wanted and I will bring my daughter up with no contact or money from  him at all. (They have a poor relationship and my daughter doesn’t want to go so it’s hard now more than ever)I gave the opportunity when we spilt for him to walk away and he decided he wanted to be in her life. Just last week due to other behaviours I said I think it’s time you walked away, I can’t see why he wants to be around when also deliberately doing this.
I was able to voice my opinion to him in the calmest way possible and I felt so much better.
He won’t, just to be awkward if anything and cause more anxiety.

A separate question for you all please?.. my daughter is almost 7. She has never enjoyed going to see her father. It’s always been hard for her. But I’ve had to let the contact happen and be positive about it all despite other elements.
I’ve now arranged for her to speak to someone at school independently about how she is feeling after a recent visit to the doctors.  My ex lives an hour and a half away and she is so depressed when there. He leaves her with his wife and she constantly says she doesn’t want to go.
She has hobbies at home and her school friends etc but I don’t believe this carries any weight to it. When do children get heard in court? When do they have a voice? Does anybody know? And help would be really appreciated xxxx

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It’s so exhausting and worrying isn’t it. I guess all we can do is keep an eye on the annual reviews and appeal where we can. I also haven’t the time to keep chasing it all around family life and my work.
My ex diverts all his income and they live such a lavish lifestyle and he is refusing to pay. I can’t understand why he would do that. Especially when he only paid £15 a week! Now it’s meant to be £80 for this year anyway and still there has been no payment. I will just wait and see if he tells court a new story to get out of paying.
it’s hard not to have anxiety over it all.
thanks for the updates on here. It all helps and I’m keeping an eye on the appeal link on here. I signed up to see what that outcome is

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Hi guys, just wondering if anyone has any advice…

I have spoke to CMS (who seem far better than 2-3 years ago) today and the legal enforcement team have tried to take the maintenance owed from my ex’s bank account to no avail. This was no surprise as he openly said he has moved all money to his wife’s account.
It’s now gone to the legal stage so I’m wondering if anyone has been in this position? I’ve been told it’s now bailiff, payment in the spot or assets, if this doesn’t work, then court? I believe they can take his license/ imprisonment etc but I’m guessing that is rare! But CMS were confident they will get the money?

(For years he has fiddled his own books to say he only earns £9,000 a year but his last tax return was £45,000 which means the £15 a week is now £80 a week. I had previously reported him to the tax man. I know next year this will be back to a low figure but I’m hoping for a year he has to pay this at least. The figures are from HMRC) Anyone been in this position?

Thank you

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That’s fabulous news. What an absolute relief for you. I’m just waiting on my man.reconsideration decision. I’m very happy for you and hope this does have a knock in effect!
I have noticed the phones are being answered pretty promptly and also the case workers seem better of late. Let’s hope things are starting to improve xx enjoy your Sunday with your great news!

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It certainly is absolute nonsense.

I have phoned three times last week as our annual review came in. It went from £15 to £80 and my ex hasn’t paid yet, he is already in arrears and I know the £300 from not paying will just add up.
This increase is better but it’s nowhere near to what he earns so I have appealed against it.

I was told he may not have seen the letter yet, the next time they said they will call him. The last call on Friday I was told they will get my case worker to call me on Monday as they will try to take the money from his bank.
I am always polite with CMS as it’s not their fault  but it’s so upsetting as you repeat yourself and get absolutely nowhere.
I doubt they will take the money from his account as he will have everything in his wife’s name. But I hope I get the call.

I sent my reply back to the annual review so I have their response as I can’t take him to court I believe without the man.reconsideration letter.
the whole thing is an absolute sham, I have given them so much evidence. He even uploads his own videos about his huge wealth on tik tok now.

I’ve reported him to the tax man, perhaps that’s why I’ve had an increase in weekly payments  but I’m really not sure what else I can do in regards to CMS

I really hope you all get what your children deserve soon x

 

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This is fabulous 2Flowers. I’m so happy for you. This is so great to hear! Let’s all hope this has a knock on effect for us all x

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Fabulous new Claire, I’m pleased to see more positive news. You must be very relieved.

I’m awaiting my annual review now which always lowers to my amazement despite his real earnings. (I’m sure the tax man will catch up with him at some point!) He now even posts videos about his huge wealth and still declares he only earns £11,000 a year. So frustrating when CMS say they need more evidence.
I hope to fill in the SSC2S form and also take it to my local MP.
Please keep updating all. It’s very helpful to read

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Wow this is fabulous news. I am really happy for you and your children.
What a relief after all the battle.
I really hope we start to hear more of this type of news. You have certainly given me hope.

I’m afraid I will have to continue listening to the music of sadness for a little while longer yet! Thank you for sharing your news FireLeo77

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