[Claire2804]

2Flowers, I seem to find myself in the same situation. My ex is the same, everything is my fault….yet he’s the one who doesn’t put his kids first, rarely sees them, and doesn’t want to pay for them! Iv given up trying to keep a relationship between him and his kids…says iv alienated him…yet when iv taken myself out the situation….the relationships have become worse! Pretty sure it’s not me who’s the issue.

[Claire2804]

I know this post is old but I just wanted to give a little update for anyone still reading.

I have been fighting my ex through CMS since he went self employed in Jun 2023 (and even before this). He claimed to only be making minimum wage (which would have been fine had he been),  but he was on much more than this.

I had asked CMS in Jun 23 for a variation as I knew this income was  incorrect but wasn’t sure how he was planning to conceal this.

In July 23 CMS rejected my variation based on me not having enough evidence. How on earth am I meant to give evidence. Anyway I got the option of going to tribunal which I decided to take. Not just for the money but for principle because I knew he was working a job earning way more than he claimed.

It’s really not for the faint hearted. We had letters back and forth for months, me trying to provide doubt about his wage because I had no concrete evidence, how would I?! The tribunal asked for all types of evidence, bank statements, business expenses, tax return etc. My ex refused to provide these. Tribunal date was set Aug 24. So I had been fighting this fron Jun 23 to Aug 24.

I am happy to say that the tribunal went in my favour because he could not prove his current income. It reverted to his last HMRC tax return and it will stay this way until he completes his first HMRC tax return as self employed. I am sure this will be another set of lies and he wont be honest in his tax return. But they backdated my payments to Jun 23 and now he has a whole lot of arrears.

I doubt this will get any easier. I don’t know what he will submit as his next tax return but I am glad to have proven him as lying about his wage, and that’s what matters most to me. I am not some crazy ex who is after his money. It’s what is due to his children for their upbringing and I am glad I saw it through. It’s definitely not been straight forward.

The court ruled the CMS should never have accepted his wage change without concrete evidence from the ex but they allowed it, the judge was not impressed at all.

I just hope this little victory gives others some hope. I am yet to see a payment….so we shall see what Octover brings.

C 🙂

 

 

[Claire2804]

Hey,

Just wanted to say that I have just entered into something similar. Did you ever get any where with this. I am not sure how to navigate this situation as its new to me. He wont be due a tax return until January 2025, so I am unsure of how the CMS is calculating his wage currently.

[Claire2804]

Im back with issues again. My ex has decided to give up his 60K per year income he has been in for 22 years and go self employed. So he now claims he is making £26K a year, which us madness. I don’t have a clue how to tackle this as he’s only just gone self employed. I am actually fed up of fighting.

[Claire2804]

I do not understand how children seem to get involved in disagreements about payments between parents.

My ex told my children he was paying me X amount….which he wasn’t….he was meant to as CMS was involved. This is not good for children, they do not understand why one parent has to pay the other. The way my children see it (10 and 13) is that dad pays for them whilst at his house (every other weekend) and I pay everything else, they do not understand that this is not how things work, they are innocent and shouldn’t be consulted as it just causes distress.

I suggest you contact the CMS. They aren’t the best to deal with and it can be very frustrating, but this is the only way of solving your issue. If you use the online calculator, it seems to be pretty accurate (going by my own calculation), it should give you an idea of what you should be paying. If you put in that you have 1 child half the time and the other 2-3 nights. I hope this helps.

[Claire2804]

I can completely understand where you are coming from.

This is exactly how I felt when I first divorced. Sometimes I think we look back with rose tinted glasses. No doubt there were plenty of good times had, but there must have been a reason the relationship ended. I think you have to grieve for what you lost, and realise it wasn’t making you happy.. Its hard to lose your best friend, this is exactly how I felt, and now we don’t even speak, although we share children (his choice) but I know deep down it was for the best. I have a new partner now, and he is great, but it will never be the same family life that I had with my children’s dad, its different, but its still good.

It takes time….nothing happens overnight, give yourself time to adjust and try not to look back too much.

[Claire2804]

Fireleo…..I’m keeping everything crossed for you! Keep us updated.

I received my first payment into my bank account yesterday….so its all become real, and worth the fight. x

[Claire2804]

This is absolutely amazing news! I am so glad things are coming together for you.

I have had good news too. My first payment is due within days of £1K. My local MSP was amazing, no lengthy phone calls…they did everything for me. I would totally stress to get onto yours if having any issues ladies.

I also got a £75 compensation payment for the CMS mistakes.

[Claire2804]

I just thought I would send a wee update here.

I had been having issues with CMS since August 2022. I had to make a further complaint this month due to not having received anything in months, and continually receiving conflicting advice.

I decided to contact my local MP. It turns out they have a specific email address and route they go down with the CMS. In 3 days, since they made contact with the CMS, I have had a text message to tell me that the department for work and pensions will call me about my complaint by the 29th of March, and today a text message from CMS to say I have a payment on the way.

Hopefully this is the start of better things. However, my case should be relatively easy with my ex having a steady employer, so I really feel for everyone fighting for what’s right and fathers dodging paying for the upbringing of their kids.

I do not know how much the payment is for yet, but I have my fingers crossed for us all.

I never imagined how stressful this would be.

[Claire2804]

If you split the care of your children equally 50/50. So 4 overnights one week and three the next or any other variation which makes it 50/50, then CMS would see no reason to entitle either parent to pay the other, as it would be seen that you legally share care and financial burden equally.

Obviously there is a legal requirement and also a moral one when it comes to upbringing children. It’s entirely up to you how you then choose to go forward. As there will be costs that you need to look at. I.e who pays for school clothes, school trips, clubs etc.

It’s never going to be easy, but the more you can agree with the mother and put in place the better it will be for you and your children.

 

 

[Claire2804]

I’m not in the same position as any of you, as my ex partner is employed, but I haven’t have any money since Augusy 2022.

There is a DEO in place, but he makes changes on a monthly basis which push my payments out a month each time he does this.

I just wanted to say that I have the same problems with the CMS, each member of staff gives me different information. When I say but I was told XYZ last time they tell me this was incorrect. Its so frustrating.  I now have a message in my online portal that a payment is due Feb….so we will see. My local MP has been unhelpful.

I’m not sure how they can’t get this system correct. It’s just unbelievable. My arrears are over the 2K mark, and I was told he only has to pay this back at £25 per month, CMS told me im likely to still be receiving payments when my children are in their 20’s! How crazy!

I hope you all get the payments your deserve. Its certainly a stressful time.

[Claire2804]

Whilst you still live under the same roof as your ex partner, there would be no requirement to pay child maintenance if you are already paying towards the upbringing of your children. Ie the roof over their head, food, clothes etc.

Child maintenance is only paid once separated parents are living apart and one parent becomes the main parent, ie where the children spent most of their time. If you wish to split the care 50/50 then again there will be no requirement to pay child maintenance,  however your ex partner would need to agree to this.

Child maintenance is a really poor service, I know first hand, so if you can keep things amicable and agree between you, it will make things much simpler.

If your ex partner does not agree to 50/50, this may be something you have to do through a legal route.

[Claire2804]

I called CMS and they hadn’t heard from him, so he was obviously hoping to pull the wool over my eyes. I don’t have a problem with him paying monthly it’s just all the lies I can’t stand.

Does anyone know, does your child maintenance go down if your child’s father moves into a household with other children, that aren’t his?

[Claire2804]

This is exactly the same as me. I have asked for months now which weeks he will be covering in the holidays. He had a baby on the way woth another woman and claims he has bo holidays as he needs to keep them for the arrival of the new baby. It gets really tiring. I have decided just to pretend he doesn’t exist any longer. We have an agreement for every second weekend and 2 non residential nights….and he only does every 2nd weekend he doesn’t bother during the week. The worst is we can’t force them to take the kids. It’s really unfair. Since being a single parent I have realised how everything is done around the father and not the mother!

 

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