Hi BillyBob,
Mate its really tough, this is the hardest thing any of us will go through, but you will come out of it stronger.
I felt all the same things, and to a point still do. I have started to see some light at the end of the tunnel, and believe I never thought I would….but things do get better and the feelings/emotions you have right now won’t last forever.
Give yourself time to grieve mate, but always be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up will bring you down.
Concentrate on the present, try and stay in the here and now. Thinking too much backwards or forwards will keep you in the figure of 8 thinking…just going round and round.
I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your situation, but for as to where to start my advice would be to look after yourself (eat well,exercise,enough sleep etc.) for your sake and your sons.
Stay strong mate 👊