[Buxton]

Hope you are okay. Here if you need a chat.

xx

[Buxton]

Hi,

We are currently living together though separated. However, husband wants to buy my share of the house, leaving me to move out and find somewhere else to live. I cannot afford to do this and he knows it, yet he is still putting pressure on me. He has offered a financial settlement which is not very generous as far as I’m concerned. It basically helps me in the short term but long term I would struggle.

I would like to cohabit for 2 years in an ideal world because of my financial situation, but husband is in a rush to push things on and is unwilling. To the point of making it very clear that I am not welcome in the house when he is there having his time with the children.

It is so difficult and extremely unfair, frustrating and exasperating. Not sure how much my mental health can take and trying to find the strength.

 

Pease reach out if you can.

[Buxton]

Hi,

I totally relate to how you are feeling. I have been roped into a shared care agreement and soon to be ex husband has decided to play the doting Dad. I can only describe this as ‘painful’ because of the amount of times I asked for help with the children and he refused. I have planned, organised, conducted, arranged and occupied our children. I have been responsible for play dates, Birthday parties, haircuts, dentist appointments, homework. Honestly, it is so so painful to now have to let go of the children in this way.

I’m trying to be positive as much as possible, the time we spend together is now more precious as ever and I appreciate them so much more for it. We talk more and I listen, I show genuine interest in their little lives and we talk about our feelings, school and future plans. I can see that the children are happy, as happy as they can be in an awful situation, but I remind myself that they are in the middle of everything that happens and as long as they are happy then that is the most important thing.

My daughters birthday falls on Dad’s time, as does Christmas, so I’m not sure how this is going to pan out yet. My heart is breaking and I don’t know how to cope without the children. When they aren’t with me I feel aimless, like a piece of me is missing.

My eldest uses an app to reach out to either of us parents on their respective time, she can video call or send messages. She is turning 8 this year, so she is able to initiate this when she feels she needs to. However, she doesn’t use it so much lately as she says she doesn’t want to chat to the other parent and is happy. So this is a positive that she feels she doesn’t need to check in, but I still find it painful that I can’t speak to the children or be near to them.

Please reach out if you need to.

[Buxton]

Hi, I wanted to comment to offer some solidarity. I am also finding separation very hard and a lonely old road. We separated in February and have been trying to navigate the divorce procedure ever since (children arrangements and financial settlement). It is scary because I don’t know how long things will take and I am not in a position to move out, so we are still living together, albeit, he is away for every other week.

Have you got a solicitor?

It’s so tricky to navigate this when everyone has individual circumstances, just wish it was a bit simpler!

Reach out if you can.

[Buxton]

Thank you for the replies, I am only now checking back in.

Unfortunately, things are still grim here and I’ve no idea what is going to happen. We have decided on a week on/week off childcare arrangement and this means that soon to be ex husband is at home for a week and he expects me to leave the house. I can not afford to move out and am pursuing a financial settlement before I can afford to. Does anyone know have any advice, I have yet to meet anyone who is in this situation and I am scared because I don’t know what is going to happen, how long it will take and whether my mental health can even take it.

Things are about to get very messy as the ex husband is controlling and has offered me some breadcrumbs in the form of a financial settlement. He is expecting me to bite his arm off for what he’s offering, although it is a pittance and he has not submitted a full disclosure of his finances to his solicitor.

I have a fair idea of what I need to do next, but it is very uncomfortable to know the situation will likely get dragged out. I am going to have to fight for what I may be entitled to and he doesn’t want me to know what kind of finances he has managed to squirrel away.

I know everyone’s circumstances are individual, but I could really use some emotional support. The road to divorce feels like a very lonely and draining one and I could really use a friend who has been through something similar.

Please reach out if there is any advice.

[Author]

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