Christmas Top Tips 2012

Establish family traditions

Family traditions are often the thing that many adults remember about Christmas. Traditions don’t need to be expensive or complicated to create special memories.

• On Christmas Eve I let my child open a couple of stocking fillers, which I say Santa threw out of his sleigh on his way past to the other side of the country! It means that Santa is now in the UK and on his way so time to get to bed before he comes!


• I’m a single parent and don’t have any family living locally so Christmas feels very different from when I was a child. I’ve adapted and created new traditions that I hope my daughter will remember.


• On Christmas Eve we look at a tracking website www.noradsanta.org to see where Santa is. Of course, Santa won’t come if they are not asleep so if they are still up when he gets to France, they know they are risking it!!


• Our favourite tradition is a homemade advent calendar. I make a new one each year and include activities we can do together such as crafts, ice skating, having a proper hot chocolate with all the trimmings, seeing the local Christmas lights or eating dessert before dinner!


• Our tradition is that my daughter makes a lantern by decorating a jam-jar. I’ll put in a candle and she keeps it by the window so that Santa can find her.

Get together with others

Consider getting in touch with other single parents who may also find Christmas a difficult time. Gingerbread membership groups can be a great source of support and many organise activities or social events for both you and your children. You can also chat to other single parents in our online forums. To find out more about becoming a member visit www.gingerbread.org.uk or call 0800 018 4318.

Spread the cost

It may be too late for this year but there are lots of ways you can help spread the cost of Christmas by saving or buying gifts during the year.

Setting a small amount aside each week or month soon adds up. You could try putting money aside in a tax free savings account or buy supermarket savings stamps throughout the year. Joining a Christmas savings or hamper club can also be a good way to spread the cost but be sure to choose a well-known, reputable company.

• I start buying things from the January sale; toiletries I know people will like, little bits like that. But then I'm always on Christmas watch. I'll pick up little bits through the year, as I see them for family and friends, and my daughter. No point going broke!

Christmas Top Tips 2012

Plan contact arrangements

If you can, plan ahead and make advance arrangements for when your child will spend time with their other parent over the holiday period. This can make sorting out contact arrangements easier and less emotional. If your children are old enough, include them in the planning, to help them feel more secure about how things will workout.

Draw up a schedule together showing who is doing what and when. Hang this in a central place in your home, so everyone can see it. Try to be flexible if things don’t go quite as planned. You may need to consider that older children might want to do things outside of the family with their friends.

If you are worried about your children spending time away from you, build in some quality time together before or after they go. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive – an afternoon of silly games or a trip to the park can give you all time to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Try not to put yourself under pressure

Children, family, friends or work might place lots of demands on you. Remember, you cannot please everyone all of the time. There may be times when you need to decide what is best for you and your children and not be afraid to stick to it.

With young children and babies, try to keep roughly to your usual routine. Explain to relatives the best time to visit to fit with nap times and meals. This way, you avoid unexpected visits and reduce the chance of having grumpy children.

As a parent, it is easy to concentrate on your child’s needs and forget your own. If your child is with relatives or friends, why not take the opportunity to relax, even just for a few hours? Perhaps arrange with friends who are also parents to help each other out with childcare, so you all get some time to yourselves.

Don’t be afraid to talk to friends and family about how you feel and ask for help if you need it – they may not know unless you tell them. If you prefer to talk to someone you don’t know, the list of useful organisations at the end of this factsheet can provide advice, information or a listening ear. Also see the Gingerbread factsheet Looking after your emotional health.

Keep busy, even in bad weather

Find free or cheap activities to do in your area by checking your local newspaper, library, community centre, or supermarket notice board. Take advantage of family and discount vouchers by joining up with friends or other single parent families.

• A great way to spend time with your kids in bad weather is to make things together. It’s free if you start up a scrap box of recycled goodies such as tin foil, wrapping paper, paper cups, lollipop sticks, boxes and anything else!


• I picked up a TV guide this weekend and I'm going to sit with them and see which family movies we can all enjoy and set them up to record so if we do have a rainy day, a low day or a pulling our hair out day, hopefully we can all sit down together and be entertained by the big (or in our case, little) screen


• Parents’ websites like www.netmums.com are a good way to find out about things to do and places to go locally with your children, including indoor play centres and free museums. I love the list of 101 free things to do including seasonal ideas and wet weather activities.


• On wet days we sometimes go to the local library. The children can choose books to take home or sit and read and often in the school holidays there are free events for them.


• How about baking some biscuits with the kids to give as edible presents? Home-made stuff is often appreciated and biscuits are a good one to do with children as they cook quickly and you get fast results.

Christmas Top Tips 2012

Decide your budget and stick to it

It can be really difficult to budget over the holiday period. As well as extra expenses, benefits and wages may be paid early because of bank holidays.

Make a realistic list of all your expenses and how much you can afford to spend on each – is there anything you can cut down on or remove from your list? Planning ahead may help you feel in control and reduce stress. A free online budget planner is available at www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk, or request a copy of the Gingerbread MoneySense booklet from our helpline.

If you cannot afford to buy something on your child’s wish list talk to them about it. Give proper reasons so they understand your explanation. “Because I say so” is unlikely to satisfy them. Explain why a gift is not suitable or too expensive. With older children an item may mean more to them because it fits in with their friends or image. Consider making a deal where you contribute to the cost of a present, with your child taking responsibility for saving the rest. For example, from a part-time job or other relatives who may be willing to contribute.

• When it comes to your child wanting an expensive toy that you know is rubbish but they see as great because the TV ad makes them look great, the simple answer is to take your child to the toy shop and let them see the reality. My daughter was often disappointed with the real item as it wasn’t as good as it looked on TV. I would then allow her to see what else the shops had and when we got home she would put a better choice on her Christmas list. Often they were cheaper but better made, and they got played with regularly rather than put in a cupboard after a few days.

Avoid using credit

Try to avoid using credit or borrowing money to pay for things. If you do have to use credit, shop around for the best deal. Compare interest rates, work out how long it will take you to repay and find out what the total balance will be after interest is added. Do not be tempted to sign up for store cards if you are out shopping for gifts, as they can charge even higher rates of interest than credit cards.

For an impartial, straightforward guide to borrowing money, contact the Money Advice Service at www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk or call 0300 600 6000.

Be savvy about presents

Everyone’s feeling the pinch at the moment, so you might decide with family or friends to only to buy presents for the children or organise a secret Santa for the adults.

• When me and my sister started having our babies, we agreed that we would just buy small presents for the kids and nothing for adults, as Christmas is for the kids really. That made Christmas shopping a lot easier and cheaper.
• If money is tight how about making your family some presents? Or create small hampers of things they like or novelty items, wrap boxes with paper and buy cellophane makes them look expensive and friends and family should love the time and effort you have put into creating these.
• For cheaper presents, I always make my own jam, last year was blackberry and this year is plum and grape. Wrap them up in pretty paper and people seem to love them.

If possible, agree tactics with your child’s other parent or family members about presents. For example, you may want to agree that you both spend roughly the same amount on presents for your children, even if one of you could afford more. Spending time together can be equally valuable as fun times last longer in children’s memories than gifts.

If you use the internet, check to see if you can get a better deal online than you can on the high street. Try price comparison websites to hunt for bargains but remember to add the cost of any delivery charges. Also remember to book your online delivery slot early for Christmas to avoid disappointment. You can find out more about your consumer rights, including buying online by visiting www.adviceguide.org.uk.

Money problems?

Many community groups, local newspapers and radio stations run Christmas toy appeals, which donate gifts to families in difficult circumstances. To find out details, look in your local newspaper, listen for adverts on your local radio station or contact your local Citizens Advice bureau.

Your local area may have a food bank, which provides free food and support to local families. Food boxes usually contain three days’ worth of food. The service is provided to support the local community, so don’t be afraid to ask for a little extra help if you need it. You may find that other local organisations offer a similar service, such as the Salvation Army.

If your family does not have enough money for food, heating or other essentials, you may be able to get a crisis loan from Jobcentre Plus. This is an interest free loan of up to £1,600. You do not have to be receiving benefits or tax credits to apply.

For more information on food banks, local support and crisis loans contact your local free advice centre, Citizens Advice bureau or Jobcentre Plus.

Think ahead to the future

If the holiday period is difficult for you, try to look ahead to the New Year as a time for positive change. Are there things you have been putting off or too busy to sort out?

You may think it’s impossible to deal with long-standing problems or reach your goals but there is help out there.

Whether it is tackling debt, studying, training or wanting more support, there are organisations that can give you the advice and information you need. If the organisation you need is not listed, call the Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline and if we cannot help, we can give you details of other organisations that can.

Useful Organisations

Organisation: Money Advice Service

Details: Provides impartial financial information including budgeting, loans, credit cards, mortgages and savings.

Phone: 0300 500 5000

URL: http://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk

Christmas Top Tips 2012

Further help and information

Useful Organisations

Organisation: Citizen’s Advice

Details: Information and advice on a wide range of issues including benefits and tax credits. Check your telephone directory for your local bureau or find details on the website.

Phone:

URL: http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk




Organisation: Community Legal Advice

Details: Telephone advice on benefits, housing, employment, debt, welfare benefits and family law for people who are eligible for public funding.


Phone: 0845 345 4345

URL: http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk




Organisation: Contact a Family

Details: Online support for parents and carers of disabled children.

Phone: 0808 808 3555, 0808 808 3556 – Textphone

URL: http://www.cafamily.org.uk




Organisation: Cruse Bereavement Care

Details: Cruse provides bereavement counselling and support for both children and adults, by telephone, in your home or through local groups.

Phone: 0844 477 9400

URL: http://www.cruse.org.uk




Organisation: Disabled Parents Network

Details: Provides support and advice for disabled parents.

Phone: 0300 3300 639

URL: http://www.disabledparentsnetwork.org.uk




Organisation: Family Lives

Details: Provides information and support on all aspects of parenting, including bullying, eating, exams, truancy, toddlers, teenagers and more.

Phone: 0808 800 2222

URL: http://www.familylives.org.uk




Organisation: Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline

Details: Free information on a range of issues including maintenance, benefits, tax credits, debt, employment, education, legal rights and holidays. Open Mondays to Fridays, 9.00am – 5.00pm, with extended opening on Wednesdays to 8.00pm.

Phone: Freephone 0808 802 0925

URL: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk




Organisation: Home start

Details: A network of volunteer parents who can visit you at home for a few hours each week. They provide practical and emotional support, including a listening ear, help with the children and a chance to meet other parents in similar situations. The service is free
and confidential.

Phone: 0808 068 63 68

URL: http://www.home-start.org.uk




Organisation: Jobcentre Plus

Details: Processes new claims and claim renewals for welfare benefits.

Phone: 0800 055 6688 Benefits Enquiries England, 0800 012 1888 Benefits (Wales), 0800 882 200 for disabled people, Textphone: 0800 243 355

URL: http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk




Organisation: Men’s Advice Line

Details: Confidential helpline for men who have experienced or who are experiencing domestic abuse. Provides emotional support and practical advice including how to make yourself safer, where to get legal advice, how domestic abuse affects children and information for gay and bisexual men.

Phone: 0808 801 0327

URL: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk




Organisation: Money Advice Service

Details: Provides impartial financial information including budgeting, loans, credit cards, mortgages and savings.

Phone: 0300 500 5000

URL: http://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk




Organisation: National Debtline

Details: Free, confidential and independent advice on dealing with debt problems.

Phone: 0808 808 4000

URL: http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk




Organisation: National Domestic Violence Helpline

Details: The freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline is run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge. It is a national service for women experiencing domestic violence or their friends and families. A translation service is available.

Phone: 0808 2000 247

URL: http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk




Organisation: NHS Direct

Details: Open 24 hours, every day of the year.

General information about health and medical problems. Staffed by nurses who can provide advice, a listening ear and referrals on general medical queries.

Phone: 0845 46 47

URL: http://www.nhsdirect.org.uk




Organisation: NSPCC

Details: Information for parents and carers supporting children who have experienced or witnessed domestic violence.

Phone: 0808 800 5000

URL: http://www.nspcc.org.uk




Organisation: Offenders’ Families Helpline

Details: Information and support for relatives of prisoners.

Phone: 0808 808 2003

URL: http://www.prisonersfamilieshelpline.org.uk




Organisation: One Parent Families Scotland Lone Parent Helpline

Details: Run by our partner organisation, the Lone Parent Helpline provides confidential advice and information for single parents in Scotland.

Phone: 0808 801 0323

URL: http://www.opfs.org.uk




Organisation: Salvation Army

Details: Local branches of the Salvation Army often provide support at Christmas. They may be able to give toys and food, and some offer Christmas dinner/parties and emotional support. Their number can be found in your local phone directory or on the website.

Phone: 020 7367 4500

URL: http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk




Organisation: Samaritans

Details: Provides confidential emotional support for those experiencing feelings of distress or despair,
including those which may lead to suicide. The helpline is available 24 hours a day and you can also contact them by email or letter. In some areas face to face appointments are available.


Phone: 08457 90 90 90

URL: http://www.samaritans.org




Organisation: Shelter

Details: Gives details of local housing advice centres throughout the country and provides information and advice on a range of housing issues and signposting service for further help and advice.

Phone: Freephone 0808 800 4444

URL: http://www.shelter.org.uk




Organisation: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association (SSAFA) Forces Help

Details: This organisation can help service and ex-service personnel and their families, including divorced or widowed partners of service personnel and dependent children

Phone: 0800 731 4880

URL: http://www.ssafa.org.uk




Organisation: Trussell Trust – food banks

Details: Trussell Trust food banks can provide three days of food and support to those experiencing financial or emotional need. The food bank network is based in communities across the UK. Food boxes are usually delivered to your home and contain non-perishable nutritionally balanced food. To find your local food bank call or visit the website.

Phone: 01722 411244

URL: http://www.trusselltrust.org