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  • #19752 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Hiya,

    I went through a similar situation, my baby is now 5 months.

    I left when I was 5 months pregnant, my ex was swinging from not wanting the baby at all to telling me he’d support me etc etc. He stopped coming home, got further and further in to drugs and drink and it all became a bit too much, so I moved in with my parents and am still here now.

    You can do this. You sound like you have support in your parents. Do you have a good network of friends? I won’t lie, it will be tough going at first and your hormones will be all over the place, but your little one will keep you going – you have to get up each day and get on with it. And each day it does get a little easier.

    I’m now in quite a good place. My ex and I have just started communicating again and now he wants a relationship with the baby. I found out he was seeing someone else a few weeks after the baby was born, which was a further blow.

    Be kind to yourself, make sure you get some time for you. Don’t bury your feelings, make sure you let them out and then carry on. Speak to a professional if you can.

    I follow a podcast called Single Mother Survival Guide and one called Beanstalk single mums, and have found both really helpful and inspirational.

    Just take it one day at a time. And remember, time is a great healer, and where you are and how you feel now is not your ‘forever’. A year from now you will be in a completely different place.

    Everything probably feels very overwhelming right now, but remember to take care of yourself, for you and for your little one.

    I’m always here if you need a chat. Make sure you keep talking, it helps to work through your feelings, especially when you’re pregnant which is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life.

    Xx

    #19429 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Hiya!

    I’m in Essex too and a relatively new single mum. I haven’t found any groups as such yet, but am trying to find as many people as I can to organise a meet up. You’re right about needing support from people in a similar situation.

    Feel free to pm me if you want.

    #19428 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Hiya!

    I’m on North London too. My little one is only 5 months old but I’d definitely be up for a meet up – I have no single parent friends. I’m still on mat leave (work in central) so weekdays work, and Saturdays too. LO is currently with his dad on Sunday afternoons. X

    #17026 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    I completely agree. I’m in a very similar situation. I’m still on maternity leave and my ex has agreed to pay an amount – which will contribute to putting a roof over LO head and that’s about it, everything else will come out of my salary once I’m back at work. Up until then I’m living at my parents, it’s like he’s just washedbhis hands of any kind of responsibilty there and is even moving in to a swanky new apartment in London in a few weeks.

     

    I take heart in the fact that my baby boy will see how hard I’ve worked, for him. And our bond will be incredible. And it will get better. I’ve set myself some medium (New rental home) and long term (saving for mortgage) goals. And havung one thing to look forward to each day helps me get through these early days. (Albeit cheese and Strictly tonight haha).

     

    Feel free to drop me a line, I don’t know very many single parents either, and becoming one myself was a massive shock that I’ve still not quite dealt with, but there is tons of support out there. Xx

    #16394 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    My little boy is only 4 weeks old. My ex and I split during pregnancy (he wanted me to have a termination, but then said he’d support my decision, I had 5 months of empty promises and let downs so had to leave in the end). I have no idea what we’re going to do at Christmas. He wants to be involved in my son’s life, and we’re being very amicable, but I’m obviously not missing my son’s first Christmas, so we may end up spending an awkward Christmas day together!

    #14863 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Read this:

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-where-to-start/

    In short, no. The maintenance you pay isn’t affected by benefits and vice versa, you still have a responsibility to contribute to your child’s upbringing. Those benefits I guess are in lieu of her being able to bring in the same amount of income as if you were living together in a partnership and sharing care equally.

    #14702 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Haha! I wouldn’t eat caviar out of principle anyway so no danger there! 😉

     

    #14490 Report

    zebra1983
    Participant

    Hiya!

    I’m actually due next Thursday – eek!

    It was an unexpected pregnancy and I was with the father until about 3 months ago, in what I thought was a stable relationship. But he just hasn’t really been able to step up (yet at least) and has all sorts of other issues to deal with, so it looks like I am facing this on my own – I’m back living with my parents for the time being – most likely for the entirety of my maternity leave as I’m not entitled to any financial help and can’t afford to privately rent on maternity pay.

    If you want to chat I’m here. And congratulations! You’ve got this. Xx

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)