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  • #28500 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    I had asked him to have contact but he only agreed at times when it suited him. For example, this weekend he should have the girls, but is now refusing as he is attending the wedding of someone he doesn’t even know. I don’t pick and choose when I have them and if I could, I would have them much more than the 50% I now have. I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable.

    #28499 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    It seems that you’ve missed the point that he clearly thinks he can pick and choose when he sees his children to suit his own needs. He has been on holiday and has chosen to attend the wedding of someone he doesn’t know instead of having them when it’s his weekend with the girls. So- it’s ok for me to have them when he requires childcare because he’s busy with his girlfriend? I do not think my stance is unreasonable.

    #28461 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

     It’s not that you can’t be bothered. You have a hard situation to deal with, added to which you seem to have PND. I’m not a doctor or psychologist. But I can try and reassure you that you are absolutely not alone and that there are many others feeling the same.

    You have brought your child and yourself this far. You have done some seriously hard work to do that. This is an amazing thing for any human. To continue on when you feel like giving up- that makes you a super hero.

    I urge you to seek help from the above. Nobody needs to struggle on with something that is a normal way to feel. Support and help is out there and on here.

    Always.xxx

    #28460 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    It might not help right now, but I’ve found with my girls that they remember the fun you’ve had with them- no matter what it costs- more than the toys and money spent. Take your time making precious memories. Eventually your son will see through the gifts and bravado and realise who truly cares. A paddling pool in the garden will make them as happy as a water park. Pushing them on the swings is better for bonding than putting them on a ride at a theme park and leaving them to it. They want you. They don’t care about pennies spent.

    Remember- you’re doing a fantastic job. Best of luck. You’ve got this.xxx

    #28456 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    She’s quite a bit younger and doesn’t have children of her own. She is very good to take on the girls though and obviously adores them, which I admire. It’s his lack of responsibility that I have an issue with!

    #28455 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Nothing was agreed- just that we would sort our holidays between ourselves. I knew I’d take the majority of it but had thought that it would be assumed he’d take some? As otherwise, it’s not a 50/50 arrangement.

    #28400 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    So does that mean that it’s all up to me to sort out? That doesn’t seem in keeping with a 50/50 agreement?

    #21150 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Thank you both for replying.

    I know that if he wasn’t aware about his GFs mum calling GF ‘mammy’ he can’t do anything about it. However shouldn’t my notifying him because of the girls being distressed mean that he takes it seriouy and does not use it against me?!

    Regarding the medication- our little girl has a recognised and diagnosed medical condition which she has been treated for routinely at our local hospital’s children’s outpatients department. It began when she was approximately 14 weeks old- she’s 6 now. How can he argue that medical professionals who are specialists in this area are wrong?

    I never thought about going back to the doctors and asking for them to write to my ex. Thanks for that advice- I will be doing so this week.

    I really appreciate the support and advice- thanks again.

    #18378 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    EPIC POST!! That is all.xxx

    #18135 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Thank you TrevCarp, I didn’t think of it that way at all. You’re right- he only gets to see his daughters 30% of the month compared to my 70%. He has been an absolute tw&t in the past to me but he loves his kids.

    #18129 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Well the girls will be with me for the majority of the day on Christmas Eve- his family have a meal every year on the night so I’ve said he can take them to that. So he’ll only really have them from 5-8ish. Then Wednesday, which is Boxing Day, is normally his night to have them over, so he’ll have them on the Tuesday night (Christmas Day) instead… God, my head is hurting with the logistics of it all! This is our first Christmas apart. Someone tell me it gets easier?!!!

    #18119 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Yeah basically, I thought it would be easier as it’s the same amount of time, plus I want to be there for her birthday morning. As stupid as it sounds too, ex has a gf and I’m alone. The thought of waking up to an empty house on my daughter’s birthday just kills me.

    I really really want you all to be honest with me so if I’m being an irrational ar$e then say!!!

    #17981 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    That’s true- his threats are empty and have no basis so I know I shouldn’t allow myself to be intimidated. I have asked him for half of the girls’ childcare costs today- we’ll see if he pays me anything for that. I’m not sure whether to broach maintenance with him or just go straight to the CMA or whatever it’s called?

    #17943 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    The girls are 8 and 5. I’m not sure why they don’t want to stay for the 3rd night when it’s his weekend- I think it’s just a case of wanting their mam instead. 3 nights in a row is a long time to be away from me.

    Re the child maintenance, I think I’m going to wait until after the court has made a decision regarding the girls’ custody arrangements. I don’t want to give my ex any excuse to be anymore horrible than he’s already been.

    #17924 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Thank you so much for replying, Anonymous Mummy.

    He’s had Friday- Sunday every other weekend, plus Wednesday overnight. He demanded more- every Tuesday and Wednesday nights, plus Fri- Mon every other weekend. I wasn’t happy with that so rather than have a battle with him, I’ve agreed that he can take the girls Fri-Mon as requested, but no more through the week. Both girls have said that they don’t want this to happen as they’d rather be with me. I’ve applied for a residency thing with the court- so that I can have it made official, and so that he can’t just keep the girls and not return them.

    In truth I’m absolutely terrified that he’s going to make out like I’m a bad mum ( I know I’m not, but still) and that the court will say that my beautiful girls are better off in his care than mine. I’m terrified that the advice I’ve been given is wrong and that I’ll have to pay him money that I just don’t have. I’ve obviously got a solicitor, but the ex has said that she’s giving me bad advice and that I’ll end up in trouble. I’m just feeling very much like I’m out of my depth.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 22 total)