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  • #19591 Report

    pryhz
    Participant

    Thanks a lot. Could I ask – do you find being a single parent as bad as you thought it might be beforehand? I look at my life and im just in pain and anxious and guilt ridden and lonely – but is this just because im telling myself my life ‘shouldn’t’ be like this? I.e if i changed my perception of it then maybe that would help

     

    Also do you have any tips on how to cope when you feel lonely or depressed? I know what you mean about going into relationships again – although my issue was my fault, i dont want another relationship because of the pain i feel. But actually, we have to throw ourselves into it again dont we

    #19564 Report

    pryhz
    Participant

    Hi Adam,

    Thanks again for your advice and view on things. I’m sorry to hear of your situation, it must have been really hard (and probably still is). I guess you probably think I’m an awful bloke for doing something similar. The only thing I would say, and this isn’t an excuse, is that it wasn’t premeditated, just a stupid stupid drunken mistake. If a child hadn’t been conceived I think we may well have got through it. I’m really impressed with your positive outlook, you clearly have a much better perspective on life than me. Would you say that actually there are positives to being a single parent i.e you get some time to yourself etc? I think my main issue is that my perception of what things should / must be like i.e. I must be in a happy marriage under the same roof as my kids. Obviously with that not being the case, I’m constantly hating and beating myself. Maybe I need to readjust what I think life should look like, it’s just very difficult because it’s so far away from what I’ve only ever wanted.

    #19526 Report

    pryhz
    Participant

    Hi Adam,

    Thanks very much for replying, I really appreciate it and I can see what you say makes sense. No happiness will ever be gained from just sitting in the problem and berating myself. But I’m struggling to forgive myself for effecting other people’s lives by making such an awful mistake. The stupidest thing of all is that it was all a complete mistake, I never wanted or had the urge to go and find another woman let alone make her pregnant.

    No I don’t have a relationship with the other child. The woman is effectively a stranger and she doesn’t want me involved – apart from financially. I’m not sure what best to do for the childs sake – force access through the courts or let them build their own life.

    In terms of your situation – how do you accept that not living with your child all the time is acceptable or can mean you can still be happy? I never grew up with a father and I’m okay with that but in my mind, the one solitary aim in my life is to have a family and bring them up like I feel I should i.e. happy and stable home, with them every single day, put them to bed and get them up etc etc. That has always been my one aim in life – and now that has vanished. I just cannot see how doing other things, or meeting new people or getting new hobbies can help me. To be honest I feel like just calling it a day, I’ve had enough (as selfish as that sounds).

    I just can’t see how I can ever build a happy life if the one thing that I think is my purpose (bringing up my son) is not as I see fit. How can I ever accept that? I try and go and do other things but all I think of is how ive mucked everything up, ruined people’s lives and lost everything ive ever wanted.

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