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  • #38571 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    Hi E,

    That’s just awful! What goes through someone mind when they keep children like that without any discussion or agreement? The sheer arrogance!

    I’m glad they were returned to you and the police were happy to intervene, sometimes they aren’t.

    I have had further legal advice, and consulted the new guidance from judiciary.com, both are clear in that ‘spirit of the order to be upheld’. So whilst minor adjustments might be expected (handover places as school closed) in essence nothing changes.

    Stay strong and firm and I’m sending you good luck going forwards, one more stress a parent doesn’t need right now

    P xx

    #38139 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    Breaking free from an abusive partner is a huge step, but the abuse rarely stops there.

    Firstly I’d recommend speaking to someone about the domestic abuse. I got help from Barnardos with a course called ‘Recovery Toolkit’ it gave me a whole new perspective on what had been happening.

    Secondly boundaries are needed to protect you from his abuse. I went through similar with my ex. Here’s the boundaries I put in place which you may wish to try:

    – I changed my email and set up an auto response from the old one saying no longer in use

    – I changed my number.

    – I got a cheap pay as go phone (not a smart phone so it won’t accept video or photo just text, old school style) used this for the old number and I only switch that phone on when my child is with dad (usually switch it on the morning of contact time and switch off the minute they are home) expressly for emergency messages/important last minute changes.

    – I started using a communication book (you can find info about these online) which travels between homes with child, for messages relating to the child, it’s essentially the child’s book.

    It means most of the time I am not available to be abused. He rants to himself in a drawer, I switch the phone on once a week and the messages have no effect on me, they are as irrelevant as he is. Eventually they learn you aren’t even hearing them.

    I hope your situation eases xx

    #38138 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    Maybe ring the child maintenance agency for advice?

    #38137 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    Really sorry to hear this. How awful for you. My understanding is that if you notify the police then they will go round and do a welfare check. Which means you will know if the kids are ok and the police will then be aware of the situation too. I’m sure solicitor will get onto this for you. You will need a court order set up to ensure he can’t do this again, it takes time and will be difficult process to negotiate the terms of it whilst he’s holding onto the kids. You may qualify for legal aid for court/mediation because you aren’t seeing your children, there’s advice on direct gov about this. Really hope you get them home soon xx

    #38136 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    I’m really sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s a huge shock for us all to suddenly have children at home all the time. Non of us ever expected to deal with a situation like this and being a single parent makes it an even tougher time. Supportive measures are gradually being announced on a daily basis and I suspect that the struggles single parents are currently facing will eventually be addressed though it’s not been mentioned yet. It’s such an uncertain time at the moment whilst the government figure everything out. Are either of your children registered as your carers with your local carers support charity? They can offer respite and activities for carers (even young carers) which will in turn offer you some quiet time. Also getting in touch with your local council to see if you qualify for dom care, so at least on days when you are fatigued they can do some simple tasks for you? Just a couple of ideas but appreciate you may well have already looked into this  xx

    #38133 Report

    Paula1973
    Participant

    It’s disgraceful that the government haven’t addressed this issue for single parents. How can we work and look after children? Most single parents base their working week around school hours. So many rely on grandparents for childcare but being told over 70s should be social distancing. Also supposed to be homeschooling so no good just having them ‘tag along’ to work. The directions given by gov have got no supportive measures in place to help. Can’t go to work/child mind/home educate all at once!

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