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  • #49725 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    Thank you that’s really helpful

    #45438 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    Thank you – So 3 hours in court and I didn’t win the occupation order.  Judge stated that he would have no family to go to whereas I have a house.  So back to square one.  The lies he told in court were unbelievable, but expected to be honest.  This was meant to be a final hearing, so back in court next month with further evidence.  I could tell which way it was going at the beginning as soon as the judge spoke.  I’m devastated, the girls are confused as to why they can’t go home.

     

    IDVA are great and I know its a setback, maybe its not meant to be and I’ll just go and rent.  It’s hard trying to hold a job down, support my kids and be happy in front of them.  I am lucky as I had the strength to get away.  Others are not so lucky.  He has taken out loans since I left so I suppose I will ahve to pay some of those.

     

    If he is doing this, I was thinking that I needed a new car as mine is so old, will this go against me if I bought a new car?  Would he be liable as a joint debt as well?

     

     

    #45204 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    You have 100% done the right thing.  You can’t trust what they will say to your son and as hard and as guilty as you feel.  It is not your fault.  If they controlled you when you were with his son, then they won’t stop.  It is more than likely they will make excuses for their son’s behaviour and minimise it, people like that always do.

     

    Protect your son and protect yourself.  You should be proud of yourself.

    #45093 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    Thanks for advice. It helps to know where I stand and if I concentrate on 60 percent at least I can plan where I will live. I want to sell the house as don’t want to be tied to him for next 10 years until my youngest is 18.
    a clean break is what I want. I will have to pay court costs though as he has a secret savings account which he has put over £1000 a month in for years and I don’t know where it is. My situation is rare where I doubt he will ever be allowed contact legally to the dangerous person he is and may well end up In prison and losing his job, so he won’t be able to afford the mortgage of he did stay. I know it sounds harsh that I wanted all the house, but I am thinking of my children’s future.

    #45072 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    Have you asked any agencies for support, you can ask school or local council to refer you to early help or Barnados?  Just a thought, not sure if they offer that where you live.  It’s tough on your own, especially with 3.  Wen they are in school (if they are school age) do you get time for yourself?  Even if it is a 20 minute walk with fresh air?

    #45071 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    I know 100 percent is very ambitious, but I thought start at the top and work backwards.  I have never been in this situation before and am open to opinions.  Has anyone else on here been in a similar situation?

    In a few weeks we will be homeless as my mum has sold her house and we have nowhere else to go.  My son is living with my brother as there is no room at this house.  He refuses to leave a large 5 bedroom house and rent until the house is sold in order to offer our children a roof over our head, even though I offered to pay his rent as he would only require a small rental.

    #45070 Report

    Newbeginnings2020
    Participant

    Thanks for the advice.  I am not angry, just disappointed in him as a father and a husband.  There is a lot of equity in the house which I have mostly put in.  He is not allowed to see the children at present and without going into much detail, that is a legal decision.  I am not bitter and am exempt from mediation due to domestic abuse.  He is not safe to be in the same room due to his behaviour.

    Mediation will get us nowhere as he would never agree to 70 percent.  There is no way in this world I would accept 50/50 split due to the fact I will be bringing up the children full-time on my own.   There is no way I can enter the same room as him.  I am fearful of him and know from past experience what he wants he usually gets.  He has been married before and his ex-wife left with virtually nothing and he kept the house.  They had no children together.  It appears it’s the same pattern.  I was willing to do mediation in the first instance, however, our relationship has completely broken down and I no longer have contact with him via e-mail, phone or otherwise.

    The dust will never settle as he is not allowed contact with myself or the children due to legal and complex reasons at this time. My rationale around it is that he will not be able to pay for the children in the long term and I have paid more into the house over the years than he has.  I know it is joint mortgage, but surely as the mother of 4 children I should be entitled to more than 50 percent.

    I am not malicious, I have given up my career years ago for him to full-fill his.  Hence, me going part-time.  Since we separated, he has offered no financial or emotional support to the children (when he was allowed to see them) and only thought of himself.

    This is not a run of the mill divorce situation, I suppose they never are.  In order to get a house in the area where the children’s school and friends are and familiarity for them  I would need more than 50 percent.

     

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)