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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 33 total)
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  • #25588 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    I don’t think I am being inflexible, they have gone to other religious celebrations with their father and I have never opposed.

    On the contrary, I think he is taking advantage on my undertanding attitude towards religion and he is taking more and more steps to bring them towards islamism. And in case you may wonder, I don’t care whether it is Islam, buddhism or any other religion.

    On the fasting I don’t totally disagree with you, however the reason my son did fast was “to not to disappoint his dad” not for religious reasons, so I encouraged him to make his own decisions. Why would a 8yo think that fasting is the way to keep his dad? Because he is using religion as the link to keep him close.

    I think you are being incredibly judgemental. Please point where have I said that his choice of faith was wrong or where have I said to my children that his dad is wrong? The opposite, it is a constant talk with them saying that it is his dad’s choice and that they have freedom to choose.

    And they have plenty exposure to faith btw, in school, through friends, family… it is not like I am keeping them in a box and scaring them about God. It is his dad that says that non believers don’t go anywhere so I  forced to explain about hell and heaven so they don’t worry their mum will not be there.

    #25583 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    Thank you for your input but I disagree in some points.

    Erm not, my issue is not with Islam at all, I respect people’s beliefs but I don’t feel comfortable of how he’s deciding to bring religion into our lives. Because it affects my life too btw.

    I would support them missing school for Eid if that was their chosen religion but it is not. They have openly said they don’t want to practice so I see not point for them missing school to celebrate something they are not even agreeing with. It is not that their education  will derail it’s the reason why they’d miss school.

    And not, he does not need my permission but I believe we both should consent as it is the childrens’ life we are deciding upon and whatever decision we take should be agreed.

    What if both start to take unilateral decisions on how to bring up the children?

    G.

    #25579 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Yes in my house it’s not a religious festivity just a family reunion and as you say, a time to spoil the children. But if you ask me, I would not even celebrate xmas.

    The point is that because he has changed his lifestyle now it seems that they boys need to be in whether they agree or not.

    It’s just hard to be the bad cop at all times.

    G.

    #25575 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Thanks Mark,

    Your words are exactly what I needed today. It’s been two years of constant argument about religion and although I am not anti-religious ways I just hate this brainwashing and that he knows he is using the love they have for him to make them bend his way.

    Now he threatens me to stop Xmas too. But I only celebrate it because they believe in Santa.

    So sad x

    G.

    #25572 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi all,

    SD – happy to bear (or read) that you are much better.

    GTWMC – I used to hate being of my own, the deafening silence and not having anyone to talk. I decided to take yoga on my local centre and I have recently started to learn about meditation. I was reluctant at first, but “the inner peace” is there and it helps me to get there when I can. Maybe it’s worth to try? 🙂 of course it’s not for everyone but just a suggestion.

    I think it’s very natural we have our ups and downs, it is only a matter of going back to the bright side. Easier said than done obvs.

    I have been a bit low also lately but talking to counselling today has helped.

    Hope you are all keeping up today, at least it is still sunny!

    G.

    #25524 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Sending you both hugs💕

    It is not easy to deal with a complex selfish ex, who does not put their children at the top of their priorities.

    And it’s hard, and tiresome. But we have no choice but to be there. For our children.

    Klw77 – do you have a formal agreement with ex?

    G.

    #25506 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi Ele_353,

    First of all, don’t beat yourself up. You are doing an incredible difficult and exhausting job. Well done for to keep on going. The fact that you are worrying about everything shows that you are a good mum. You-are-a-good-mum. Repeat💕

    I can totally relate to your story as when I became single mum my boys were 11months and 2.5yo. Terrible 2s were awful on my first son. It will pass before you realise. The shouting only comes from exhaustion. If you can read books/websites for tips in terrible 2s, they can help. The best book I read was “How to talk to children so they listen, and how to listen  so children  talk” miracle book.

    About nursery, have you thought about having a au pair/nanny living in/out instead? I found the girl that saved my life through http://www.childcare.co.uk.

    Also, the house. In my to-do list the house comes the very last. I do the dishes, wash clothes and I have set a reward chart for my boys to clean their bedroom. The rest is an absolute tip, but that’s all I can do for now. I have asked for a cleaner once a month for the heavy cleaning and that all the attention the house gets for now.

    Can you take holidays/a break? It may be good to visit your family if they are supportive and recharge batteries. Any neighbour/ friend that can keep your son just a few hours?

    G.

    #25495 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    I can totally relate and definitely you are not alone. It is frustrating that we have to be mother and father for everything. As an example, he had never interest in teaching them how to wee standing up so I had to teach them. It was fun and quite gross at the same time 🙄😁 but we made it. And definitely with second son, I had mastered it.

    Childcare will slow us down professionally, but we will get there. Promise. Before we realise they will be self-sufficient and we will be rewarded by our efforts.

    And oh don’t worry, I get the “you are inflexible/unfair/cynical” talk too, this time only because I decided I was not paying anymore the childcare he uses as I lost tax credits. I gave him three weeks notice and still is not enough. It’s never as win with him.

    Thank you for the link I will have a look tonight.

    DM message me if you ever need to talk and get it off your chest x

    G.

    #25471 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi GirlWTMC,

    I am loving it so far. It’s quite emotional and thought provoking.

    I relate so much with Jen, the main character.

    Let me know if you start watching it x

    G.

    #25466 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Enjoy your holidays!!! You may have mentioned and I missed it but, where are you going?? I’m jealous😁😁

    I will be working all half term but at least my mum will be around to help me cope with the boys and studies. Got to love that woman.

    G

    #25460 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi BluebirdSue,

    As Kathy says, a blog could be a great start. I love writing too so I created a WordPress page just to input some of my work.

    Wishing you all the success! xx

    G.

    #25459 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Welcome!!👏

    #25457 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi!🙂

    Joining here after SD’s recommendation.

    I’ll be catching up with all the msgs soon. It so good and refreshing to see everyone supporting each other without judging!

    My Friday nights are normally a democracy vote: one chooses dinner, another the movie or game (we are Playstation people) and the other chooses snacks. Sometimes I have a cheeky drink when they are asleep and then watch the movie I want or TV series (currently watching “Dead to me”).

    So happy to have joined GB!

    G.

    #25456 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hello All,

    I am a bit of a bookworm but I have this thing of reading more than one book depending on the time of the say and mood. My current list is:

    1) mindfulness on the go – great book for those who want to learn about meditation

    2) the single mum’s wish list – fun and emotional story

    3) a column of fire – 4th book of the pillars of the Earth saga.

    #25455 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hello Klw777,

    Resentment, that’s the perfect description for how I feel. When I speak to my friends sometimes they come with the “don’t be jealous of his life, he’s missing a lot”. And it’s true, he’s missing a lot about my boys’ life but also he gets the best of them since he doesn’t have to battle them for homework and does not have to hear complaints and tears because xyz friend insulted any of my boys.

    He is not either a good dad or a bad one. He feeds them, bathes them and looks after them when they are with him. But he didn’t want them. He still doesn’t. He doesn’t know when are they due for a visit to the dentist or what reading level they are at. Things like that.

    To me, he’s like the cool uncle that takes them out and brings them home once the day is over.

    I feel bad for my sons as I chose the wrong person to father them. See? My father is an outstanding human being and so is my mother. The standards in what I was raised don’t exist in his side so I end up being alone in all emotional, psychological and physical matters.

    I am conscious that not everyone has the same standards in life, and I am quite flexible and understanding but that I don’t have much support for him it’s a total understatement.

    I will have to keep swimming I guess 🙂 thank you for your kind words.

    G.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 33 total)